Psychology Says If You Can Master These 14 Skills, You'll Cultivate Deep Respect Into Old Age
The only person who can command respect is you, but these skills can give you a boost.
sobhan joodi | Unsplash Many people seem to suffer when they don’t get the respect they feel they deserve. I know how this was something I desired for years. But depending on this made me miserable. What I found instead was the value of self-respect — if you have self-respect, it will inevitably result in cultivating deep respect from others, too. The whole 'you teach people how to treat you' thing. With self-respect, there wasn’t anything I needed from anyone else.
If you can master these skills, you'll cultivate deep respect in old age:
1. Stop rushing
I used to rush to overcompensate for my anxiety. This just made me feel inferior and I would miss details. Slowing down my actions and even speech has helped me calm down, feel more confident, and notice far more. In this way, it’s increased my intelligence and awareness.
2. Be less available
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Being continually available to others communicates your abundance. Being less available telegraphs scarcity, which pitches you as a higher value.
Caring for others is great, but you need to ask yourself why you are so quick to respond. Are you doing it for approval, and if so, does that reflect your self-belief? Put yourself first, and you’ll be in a far better position to be someone people rely on.
Being less available can develop respect by creating a perception of value and indicating that you have a life outside someone else's needs. A study published by Frontiers in Psychology found that this can make them appreciate your time and presence more, making you seem more desirable and less quickly taken for granted. It can also foster a sense of chase or challenge, motivating the other person to try to connect with you.
3. Find and use courage
It often takes courage to do the right thing over the comfortable thing. If we’re only living in comfort, we’re likely turning down offers to grow.
Courage is not the same as being reckless. Courage is acting when you are nervous to do the right thing. Doing what’s right will help you realize deep self-respect.
4. Be a vibe lifter
Be conscious of making other people feel good. This is not about being a people-pleaser. It must come from a genuine place of compassion for your fellow man. Take the lead. Lift others, and you will find yourself lifted.
Being conscious of making others feel good through acts of kindness or prosocial behavior can significantly benefit the giver by boosting happiness, self-esteem, social connection, and overall well-being. An article by Harvard researchers showed that actively trying to make others happy can be more effective than directly pursuing personal happiness alone. This phenomenon is often linked to the release of positive neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin.
5. Follow your weird
Most people are running around trying to avoid appearing different so they can fit in and avoid rejection. But this will eat you from the inside because you are not aligning with who you are.
Where might you be more open to revealing your interests and quirks? This is a practice and can take small steps. Do more of what makes you, even if it comes with an initial pang of discomfort.
6. Don’t be a slob
As society ‘progresses’ and ‘modernizes,’ more and more people miss the point of taking care of themselves aesthetically. Even if you live alone, feeling and looking good is for you first of all.
Cut your dirty ass fingernails. Clean your shoes. Look good at the superficial level, and you will feel the hum of true self-confidence.
A clean environment can significantly benefit mental health by promoting feelings of calm, order, control, and overall well-being. A study published by BMC Health Services Research concluded that clutter and disorganization can contribute to stress, anxiety, and negative emotions. A clean space can improve focus, mood, and sleep quality by providing structure and predictability.
7. Talk less
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Talking less can benefit you in many situations — during meetings, on dates, and in groups. Speaking less applies especially well if you’re the kind of person prone to talking a lot.
Talking less creates intrigue. Talking a lot is often a sign of insecurity.
What do you have to prove? Those with deep self-respect don’t need to talk so much.
8. Stop seeking approval
Imagine for a moment what life would be like if you had zero need for approval. When we rely on others’ approval, it’s like we fell for the lie that other people have the power to influence how we feel.
They don’t. The only approval you need is from yourself as a result of healthy and bold action.
Not seeking approval from others can significantly benefit self-esteem, personal growth, authenticity, decision-making ability, and overall mental well-being by allowing individuals to prioritize their values and needs, reducing anxiety related to external validation, and fostering a stronger sense of self-worth.
However, a study published in Contemporary Educational Psychology concluded that a healthy balance is essential, as some social feedback is still valuable. Certain situations, like professional feedback or collaborative projects, may require seeking approval, but the key is to maintain a balance and not become overly dependent on external validation.
9. Nurture non-reactivity
A life of pain is guaranteed to those who resist what is. If you don’t like what you see, and you react with anger, you diminish your power.
You’re like a leaf in the wind. Judge what is wrong, yes. Then accept it, before doing what’s in your control to do. If you can’t do anything about it, you win when you don’t react.
10. Let go of your need to control
I’ve had a lot of pain trying to bend others to do things I wished they would do. But you can’t change those who aren’t open to your support. You just stress yourself out, which turns you into a limp, wet rag.
Trying to change what you cannot also sap your self-respect. Instead, inspire yourself with your choices, and others may just take notice. Letting go of the need to control others can lead to significant benefits, including reduced stress, improved relationships, increased self-esteem, better emotional regulation, and a greater sense of personal freedom and peace.
A 2022 study found that it allows for more authentic connections and a healthier perspective. Acceptance and commitment therapy emphasizes accepting thoughts and feelings without trying to change them, which can help let go of the need to control others.
11. Listen without interruption
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Most people do not listen. They think they do, but they’re trying to figure out the next clever thing they’re going to say. Listening gives you an edge because most people do not expect to be heard.
Listening also takes the pressure off you, so you function better. Slow down, and listen. You might hear something that changes your life.
12. Expose your flaws
Don’t be that guy who tries to appear perfect all the time. It will only lose you respect and ensure you live like a fraud. Not very empowering.
You needn’t blabber unnecessarily about how bad your life is, but you don’t want to be overly protective about your challenges either. People connect with humans, and humans have flaws.
Perfectionism can also cause a lot of stress, worry, and anxiety because of the fear of failure. Research published by OxJournal found connections between perfectionism and depression, anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and eating disorders.
13. Be purposeful
Knowing what you want in life is cool. But really, purpose has more to do with acting purposefully than it is having any known purpose. When you act with purpose, you will find a purposeful life falls into your lap.
14. Do what you say you will do
Stop saying you’ll do one thing only to slack on doing it completely. People will certainly start to lose faith in you, but worst of all, you deny yourself. It’s not always possible to honor our word to the T, but don’t make it a habit.
Be biased to following through on those things we started and cherishing those commitments. This is where true self-respect lives.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.