11 Things Respected People Are Good At Doing That Normal People Just Avoid
You have to make other people feel valued, heard, and understood to be respected.
VesnaArt | Shutterstock.com We all know people who seem to be universally respected by everyone they encounter, while other people seem to meet more often with disrespect and even disdain. At least in part, this happens because there are certain things respected people are good at doing that normal people tend to avoid.
A report from the International Organization of Migration states that treating with someone with respect means "showing regard for their abilities and worth, valuing their feelings and their views, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them, [and] accepting them on an equal basis and giving them the same consideration you would expect for yourself."
The differences between people who earn this kind of treatment and people who don't may not be obvious at first, but if you want to gain more respect yourself, they are important to recognize.
Here are 11 things respected people are good at doing that normal people just avoid
1. Laughing at their mistakes
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Laughter isn’t only a powerful tool for sparking happy thoughts and diffusing stress situations. The Mayo Clinic says it’s also influential for building respect. A study published in the Academy of Management Perspectives journal found that humor can also be beneficial for cultivating important bonds and influencing power dynamics in the workplace.
Using a balance of self-depricating humor, appropriate jokes, and laughter, leaders can gain the respect of their teams by highlighting their own humanity. This simultaneously cultivates a great sense of self-respect as they find ways to laugh off perceived mistakes and instead focus on areas for growth and improvement.
2. Letting their actions speak for themselves
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Truly respected people don’t feel the need to internalize other people’s judgment or prove themselves in social situations, even when they’re met with cynicism or doubt. Instead, one of the things respected people are good at doing that normal people just avoid is letting their actions speak for themselves.
According to wellness expert Dr. Tomi Mitchell, authenticity and a person’s true character are illuminated through their actions. While words and communication are powerful, the security that comes from being respected by others is earned through intentional action.
3. Being radically honest
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A study published in Communication Monographs found that most people are generally honest. However, respected people tend to prioritize honesty as a pillar of their lives.
While radical honesty, especially in the workplace with constructive feedback and in intimate relationships with open communication, can be uncomfortable for many people, experts from the Harvard Business Review explain it’s one of the things respected people are good at doing that normal people just avoid.
They don’t only push themselves out of their comfort zone with challenge, occasional praise, and healthy habits, they encourage other people to accept open communication, constructive feedback, and praise that may otherwise be uncomfortable and difficult to acknowledge.
4. Choosing to see the good in everyone
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According to Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, being perceived as competent is important for gaining respect, especially in traditional institutions like the workplace. But there’s an even more influential trait: warmth. By leading with compassion and empathy and choosing to see the good in everyone despite their perceived flaws, respected people cultivate trust in their relationships by maintaining a warm and welcoming demeanor.
By leading with trust, respect follows. Whether it’s giving grace to a co-worker who made a mistake at work or creating a trusting environment for safe, open communication in an intimate relationship, respected people find ways to see the good in others, even when it’s uncomfortable or a challenge.
5. Treating others with respect, even when it’s difficult
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A phenomenon known as “spontaneous trait transference,” explained in a study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, describes the tendency for people to associate the traits we point out in others to us. For example, if you suggest your friend is worthy of respect in conversation, they simultaneously associate that worthiness with you.
Respected people often gain their respect by demonstrating their trust and respect for others. They’re generous with praise, leading with compassion and empathy, and always prone to adopting a welcoming demeanor, not only to support their own emotional health, but to support other people’s positive perceptions of them.
6. Accepting and pursuing change
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Executive and expert on workplace change Sam Sooialo argues that people with a better commitment to self-reflection tend to do better coping with change than those who don’t. Considering respected people are generally less critical of their own mistakes and perceived flaws, they’re more willing to examine their own productivity, habits, and communication styles to live healthier, happier, and more fulfilling lives.
They can see the benefits of challenge and the excitement of change, in ways that are not just self-empowering, but productive and beneficial for helping the people around them get out of their comfort zones. They’re leaders, but also supportive peers, helping people to navigate changes that aren’t always comfortable or fun.
7. Asking for help
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Respect is found between trust, competency, and warmth in all aspects of our lives. Respected people may not be consciously aware of those factors, but they are committed to practices like empathetic communication that help demonstrate those qualities in social connections.
According to a study published in the Management Science journal, people who are comfortable asking for help are often perceived as more competent by others. With an aura of internal security that ensures they’re not egotistical, respected people asking for help aren’t necessarily burdened by concern over their own self-respect or social perception, but rather a sense of empowerment with collaboration.
8. Expressing gratitude for the small things
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A study from the Personality and Social Psychology journal argues that ungrateful people tend to hyperfocus on what’s “missing” from their lives, sabotaging the trust and security of their relationships and their general emotional stability. However, respected people generally live their lives from a more optimistic perspective, bringing attention to the smaller moments of happiness they’ve already cultivated in their lives.
They work persistently to ensure the people in their lives feel heard, understood, and valued, expressing gratitude in ways that help them to live healthier, more fulfilling lives, according to a study by Harvard Health.
9. Keeping their promises and commitments
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Psychologist Michelle Gielan argues that people who don’t keep their promises and commitments to others convey an unfortunate message to the people in their lives that they don’t value or respect them. This indirect messaging not only associates an aura of negativity and untrustworthiness to their identity, it builds unhealthy levels of resentment in their relationships.
On the other hand, respected people help other people to feel more heard, valued, and comfortable by keeping their promises and commitments.
10. Helping others without being asked to
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In addition to asking for help, respected people also prioritize lending their own support to others, oftentimes without being asked. Leading with compassion and empathy, they don’t mind occasionally putting their own needs aside for the collective benefit of their peers, teams at work, or even strangers on the street.
Helping other people without ulterior motivations, rather than expecting praise or validation in return, respected people are often perceived as more humble and empathetic — traits associated with a person’s ability to be liked.
11. Being comfortable saying no
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People who respect themselves are generally respected by others. They’re comfortable saying “no” in a self-respecting manner, and when coupled with warmth and understanding, this competency and advocacy can help them grow into a more respected identity.
According to the Mayo Clinic, assertive communication is generally perceived better than other languages because it’s founded on mutual understanding and respect. With more assertiveness, comes less stress, and better connections sparked by intentional language and communication. You respect yourself and are able to effectively communicate your needs, which relays a sense of competency that’s foundational in other people’s perception and respect of you.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.