Expert Who Interviewed 70 Parents Of Highly Successful Kids Found The Specific Parenting Style They Had In Common
Parenting expert Margot Machol Bisnow shared her findings about what parents are doing right to nurture and raise successful adults.
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock One of the most important things parents want to provide for their children is stability and a household that nurtures their talents and skills so that they can find success and happiness as adults.
While there is much debate about what kind of parenting style can breed ambitious and hardworking kids, Margot Machol Bisnow, a parenting expert and author of "Raising an Entrepreneur: How to Help Your Children Achieve Their Dreams," may have found the secret after interviewing a handful of parents about their parenting journeys.
A parenting expert found the specific style all parents had in common that raised highly successful kids.
In an article for CNBC Make It, Bisnow explained that she interviewed 70 parents who raised highly successful kids for her book and discovered a common theme: respectful parenting. Defining it, Bisnow explained that respectful parenting, sometimes called "wise parenting," involves setting standards and strict rules (e.g., only spending money you earn) while also respecting kids’ choices and promoting individuality (e.g., letting them choose their own after-school activities).
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Allowing kids to make their own choices gives them a clearer path to independence and success.
There's actually value in allowing kids to be independent and strong-willed without giving up authority. According to Mindsoother Therapy Center, it's as simple as it sounds: Give your kids choices in their everyday lives so that they practice making decisions for themselves early on.
"You can encourage your children to make decisions for themselves by integrating choices into their daily routine. For example, you can ask them, 'What do you want for dinner?' or tell them to 'Pick one thing that you want to do today' on the weekend. The key is to give them options so that you’re fostering autonomy while still maintaining appropriate boundaries. This will help your children feel empowered and like they have responsibility surrounding what they do and how they act."
Grace Berman, LCSW, a clinical social worker, explained to Child Mind Institute that giving children the freedom to make their own decisions doesn't mean giving them carte blanche to make bad choices. There are still boundaries. She said, “Start teaching your young child how to make decisions by giving them two options, both of which you are okay with them selecting.” She then went on to detail, “As they get older, outline what everyday choices you’d like your child to be responsible for. Make a list and work with your child to shift the responsibility from you to them. The more decisions they can make, the more practice they will have.”
The expert explained that 'respectful parenting' is valuing the individuality of a child instead of forcing decisions upon them.
Comparing it to other parenting styles like "permissive" and "gentle parenting," which ends up "overindulging children to avoid conflict, or 'authoritarian,' where communication is one-way with little consideration of a child’s emotional needs, respectful parenting is about seeing children as independent, rational beings." She explained to CNBC that respectful parents are "accurate judges" of their "children’s psychological needs."
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"They appreciate that children need love, limits, and latitude to reach their full potential," Bisnow said, adding that there are three important pillars of respectful parenting. The first is structure, which allows kids to make their own choices as long as their expectations are being met. Guiding them through things while teaching them how they can be better and expecting them to complete things, even if it's hard.
The second pillar is support, which allows kids to have their own points of view, respect their privacy, and not make constant corrections to their speech or actions. The third and final pillar is warmth, which is letting kids know they can turn to you for help regardless of the circumstances, spending quality time with them, and engaging in compassionate activities together.
It seems from Bisnow's findings that respectful parenting is about allowing kids to build up their confidence and independence because those are two very important qualities that can create a successful adult. It doesn't mean allowing your kids to run the show but rather trusting them to make decisions and being there when those decisions crash and burn.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.