Parenting Coach Shares The Seemingly Harmless Mistake Parents Make That Causes Young Children To Immediately Lose Respect For Them
Stand your ground!
fizkes | Shutterstock If you’re a parent, you’ve likely been in a situation where you're in a time crunch and need to get the kids out the door, whether it be for school or a doctor’s appointment. You give them a five-minute warning; however, once the five minutes are up, they beg for “JUST FIVE MORE MINUTES!” Then they beg for another five. And another.
Before you know it, 20 minutes have gone by and you’re still not out the door. At this point, the kids are probably throwing a tantrum, crying and screaming and refusing to leave.
Thankfully, on a recent episode of her "BratBusters Parenting Podcast," parenting coach Lisa Bunnage shared a piece of advice that can help parents avoid this outcome.
She shared the seemingly harmless mistake parents make that causes young children to immediately lose respect for them.
“Don't try and avoid the meltdowns,” Bunnage advised. “Follow through, mean what you say, and say what you mean.”
In the case of getting the children out the door, you must stand by the initial five-minute warning. Don’t extend the time or they will lose respect for you as a parent.
When parents don't follow through with their claims, children interpret it as lying.
"You said we're leaving in five minutes and then you let them manipulate you and take charge. They have no respect for you at all cause you just lied," Bunnage explained.
Children catch on pretty quickly when their parents are all bark and no bite, so she encouraged parents to follow through with their claims. If you give your kids five minutes, you should not add any additional time.
"If you're not willing to follow through, don't say it," she advised.
If you give in to their demands, kids learn that they can manipulate your behavior by screaming, crying, yelling, and throwing a tantrum.
While it may sound crazy that a toddler is able to manipulate an adult, that's exactly what they do. “It's like the first skill that they learn is how to manipulate weak parents,” Bunnage joked. “They figure you out and they figure out how to get what they want.”
In the moment, it may seem easier to give in to their demands to avoid tears and screaming. However, this does far more harm than good. While you may dodge a meltdown at the moment, allowing your children to call the shots teaches them exactly how to manipulate you into caving and results in a long-lasting issue.
So, as piercing as their screams may be or as heart-wrenching as their tears are, don't give in. You'll be grateful you stood your ground in the long run.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.