11 Helpless Phrases People With A Victim Mentality Often Use To Avoid Responsibility
To get out of a victim mindset, we need to reframe how we think about our lives.
Rodrigo Sales | Shutterstock Life can be quite cruel and challenging at times, and for some people, it can feel like a never-ending pile of obstacles and hurdles that they need to jump over to reach a place of peace. While it can definitely feel like that, sometimes life is only challenging because of how we're approaching it, and the hardships we experience can often just be a negative mindset.
Deciding to start approaching life without a victim mentality can be the switch that sends abundance and gratitude your way, but it can be hard to break out of that cycle if we're constantly using certain phrases to describe situations.
Here are 11 helpless phrases people with a victim mentality often use to avoid responsibility
1. 'It's not my fault'
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While there are definitely instances where our actions are not the reason for a bad thing that has happened in our lives, it also takes a level of maturity and growth to truly reflect on how our own actions may have contributed to something happening. By doing this, we can acknowledge how to act differently in the future while also taking accountability because no one is perfect.
In a newsletter posted to LinkedIn, Dr. Charles Chaffin explained that research shows that those who embrace responsibility tend to experience greater job satisfaction, stronger relationships, and a clearer sense of purpose.
"The sense of autonomy associated with accountability is a powerful motivator, allowing individuals to feel that they are in control of their destiny rather than simply reacting to circumstances," he said.
2. 'Why does this always happen to me?'
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It can be frustrating to feel as if life might be targeting you unfairly compared to others, but having this mentality can be damaging because it prevents you from seeing how your own circumstances and actions may have landed you in a certain predicament rather than life just throwing it your way.
You might feel as if life is "out to get you" when, in reality, there might be something about your struggles that you need to change. If something isn't working in your life that means that something needs to change. The only way for it to change is for you to acknowledge the wrong thing that you're doing so there can be an eventual shift.
Staying in this victim mentality can be comforting because it allows you to never have to look inwards, but if you ever want circumstances to get better, then you have to.
3. 'There's nothing I can do about it'
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It can be extremely easy to focus on everything going wrong in your life, but adamantly proclaiming that nothing can be done about it only further makes it true. Instead, focus on the things that you can do and can control.
According to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace Report, 85% of people are disengaged. This may either stem from broken relationships in their lives, job troubles, or the state of the world.
Either way, it can feel comfortable to slip into the mindset that the outcome is beyond your control, but that's just not true. By claiming this powerlessness, you are actively avoiding the effort and discomfort that comes with changing your circumstances.
4. 'Everybody is against me'
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This phrase often stems from feeling constantly opposed, rejected, or ridiculed. The truth is that our actions are rarely perceived by other people the way we intend for them to be, and in this digital age, it can be hard to realize that many people aren't concerned about anyone else but themselves.
It might seem like a harsh truth, but it's actually quite liberating and can make you feel less isolated and alone. However, if you go through life with the preconceived notion that outside forces or people are actively acting against you, you can further develop a victim mentality, where you don't have to shoulder all of the blame. Therefore, you allow yourself to continue through life without having to do any growth of your own.
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind in New York City, told PsychCentral that thoughts such as these may form as a way of coping with adverse life events. "More often than not, your worries can outweigh logic, and it can overwhelm you and cause genuine distress," she explained.
Hafeez added that "stress could cause people to adapt their thinking in ways that are useful for what they believe to be their immediate survival — but this way of thinking isn’t rational or healthy."
5. 'I can't change'
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The phrase "I can't change" simply reflects a mindset of defeat. All of the obstacles and hurdles that have come your way feel impossible to navigate, and because of that, you start to think that maybe this is just how life is supposed to be when that's not the case at all.
If you truly believe that you can't change, then you're robbing yourself of the ability to change and improve, which no one is above.
According to Therapy Central, one of the ways to transform your mindset to stop not feeling good enough is by developing self-compassion. It's accepting your reality (low self-esteem included) with warmth and gentleness rather than ignoring your pain. Instead of withdrawing socially due to being ashamed of your pain, flaws, or mistakes, treat them as a part of the shared human experience.
6. 'It's too hard for me'
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This phrase often reflects a lack of purpose for overcoming challenges and achieving a task, goal, or project that may have been incomplete for quite some time. People who believe this might suffer from feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, or even from a fear of failure.
However, the truth is, you can't know if it's hard if you don't put in the effort to overcome it, and nine times out of ten, you end up having the capabilities that you believed you didn't have.
Susan Peppercorn, an executive career transition coach wrote for Harvard Business Review that behind every person's fear is a worry about doing something wrong, looking foolish, or not being able to meet expectations, noting that, "By framing a situation you’re dreading differently before you attempt it, you may be able to avoid some stress and anxiety."
7. 'Things never work out for me'
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A person who routinely uses this phrase might have struggled from repeated instances of failure and believe that no matter how much effort they put into something, they'll never be able to achieve it. While we all can suffer from moments of discouragement, the best thing we can do is remember that any setbacks are not permanent roadblocks.
We can all struggle with ruminating thoughts because our brains are hardwired to really hone in on the negative outcomes, but that will only hinder growth.
"Pay a little more attention," David Carbonell, a clinical psychologist told Headspace, a healthcare company specializing in mental health. "Say something like: I'm feeling kind of anxious and uncomfortable. Where am I? Am I all in my head? Maybe I should go take a walk around the block and see what happens. Do something in real time and real life rather than sitting and thinking."
8. 'People always take advantage of me'
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When individuals use the phrase "people always take advantage of me," they might suffer from feeling powerless because they may have people in their lives who consistently exploit and manipulate them. They might struggle with saying "no" and putting their foot down when it comes to things that they either don't want to do or don't feel comfortable doing.
In that case, it's important to start setting boundaries and making sure that you have people in your life who aren't actively trying to always take advantage of you. Unfortunately, you sometimes don't know when to implement boundaries until those boundaries are crossed.
According to Verywell Mind, it's important to pay attention to your instincts because our bodies will respond before our minds when something about a situation feels off or unsafe. Examples of boundaries can be physically removing yourself from a relationship or situation that isn't serving you, putting up a mental/emotional boundary, or even choosing to take time away from something.
9. 'I never get any support'
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This phrase "I never get any support" can stem from feeling isolated, alone, and unsupported. There are definitely instances where the people in our lives may not be meeting our expectations and fulfilling us in the way that we need, but to hold on to this belief can only further drive a wedge between you and the people that you love.
Believing that people just refuse to help and support you can also be a way to deflect from taking personal accountability. We aren't mind-readers and sometimes you have to directly communicate with those in your life about the things we need if we ever want things to change.
10. 'I'm just not lucky'
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Using this phrase reflects a sense that accomplishments and achievements only happen because of lucky circumstances instead of putting in the hard work and dedication. It can be easy to compare your journey in life with that of the people around you, but everyone's path is different and oftentimes, luck has nothing to do with it.
If you chalk your fate up the universe for every little thing, you're absolving yourself of being able to put in the work yourself to create the kind of life and future that you deserve.
At the end of the day, success is not about the stars aligning and things just happening but rather about drive and having the passion to want to do something because you know it'll benefit you in the long run.
11. 'I didn't ask for this'
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This phrase stems from having to carry the burden of believing that circumstances happening seem to be beyond your control. Of course, it's a natural response to feel dejected by unexpected challenges that may arise in your life, but to constantly reinforce this idea that these are things you may not have "asked for" can quickly become a victim mentality.
Instead of bearing the brunt of the rejection, you could use the opportunity to really take in the outcome of a situation so that it doesn't have to happen again. Sometimes it's through the things that we may not have necessarily planned for that we're able to discover our hidden strengths.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.