Woman Feels 'Resentful' After Her Boyfriend Of 5 Years Refuses To Marry Her — 'I Feel Like I'm Missing Out On Something Huge In My Life'
She claimed that her boyfriend doesn't see himself ever getting married, and she wants nothing more than for him to propose.
Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock A woman admitted that she needed some advice after hearing how her boyfriend felt about the future of their relationship.
Posting to the subreddit r/TwoHotTakes, the 28-year-old woman claimed that her boyfriend doesn't want the same future as she does, which is causing a rift in their relationship now.
She feels 'resentful' after her boyfriend of five years said he never wants to get married.
In her Reddit post, she explained that she and her 31-year-old boyfriend have been together for about five years now. When they first started dating, he insisted that he never wanted to get married, and being only 23 when they started dating, she assumed that he would probably change his mind eventually.
"I had a 3-year-old daughter at the time, and she is now 8. He has been a big part of her life, and we have been living together for 3 years now. We also have a 2-year-old dachshund together. We love each other. I don't doubt that," she wrote.
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The only issue she has with their relationship is her boyfriend's views on marriage. She admitted that she often finds herself thinking about it and fears that she'll eventually become resentful if they continue dating without considering marriage. She wants to marry her boyfriend and spend the rest of her life with him, and she's starting to realize her boyfriend maybe doesn't want the same things that she does.
All of her feelings and the issues between them eventually came to a head when she and her boyfriend decided to have a conversation about it. She told him everything that she'd been feeling and how important marriage was to her, especially considering they'd been together for as long as they had been.
"He won’t budge & worst of all, there is no good reason [for] his beliefs," she continued. "I can’t help but feel if he loved me enough, he would want to marry me. I feel like I am missing out on something huge in my life by making this sacrifice of never being married, and he isn’t willing to sacrifice for me."
Her first mistake was assuming he would change his mind about marriage.
You shouldn't have to force someone to want to marry you, and you shouldn't have to force someone to change their views about marriage either.
It's a tale as old as time: a partner goes into a relationship thinking the other person will change and then is disappointed when they don't.
If marriage is truly something she wants from a relationship, then she has every right to seek it out in a partner, but she should not expect it from the person who openly told her it was not something he wanted when they first started dating.
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It's definitely disheartening to realize that for the past five years, she was in a relationship with someone, and they weren't on the same page. But it shouldn't be looked at as a waste of time because she clearly now knows what she wants and has learned some valuable life lessons as well.
Communicating about expectations and believing what the other person tells you are integral to a healthy relationship. Whereas, according to Ashley Thorn, a licensed marriage and family therapist, making assumptions about the other person and how they may think or feel as time goes on, can ruin a connection. Thorn told PsychCentral, “If you live your relationship based on assumptions, you’re never going to feel fully happy or satisfied, because assumptions leave no room for change, growth or negotiation." She went on to say, “Assuming is a form of passiveness; it doesn’t require any real effort or action, which are both vital to keeping relationships moving in a positive direction.”
People in the comments section agreed that it's best to respect her boyfriend's decision about marriage.
"You are now clear about what you want. He is also clear about what he wants. It's time to show your daughter that your wishes are also important. That means find a new guy, and a new life," one Reddit user suggested.
Another user added, "I know it will be difficult because you’ve been with your boyfriend for half of a decade, but he’s not going to wake up and suddenly decide that he wants to get married after all."
"You have to figure out what’s more important to you: staying with someone who won’t give you what you want (because they don’t want it for themselves) or leaving him and finding someone who shares the same values and goals in a relationship."
A third user chimed in, writing, "Seriously. It always sucks to come to this point, but please think of not only yourself but your child here. She deserves to see you happy, in a reciprocal, healthy relationship because, believe me, it's gonna imprint on her as she grows up. She deserves the best version of you, as do you, and this you will not be if you stay in a relationship that's not fulfilling to you."
It's not an easy decision to choose to walk away from a relationship that is no longer serving you, even if you're in love. At the end of the day, as many other Redditors pointed out, she should always put herself first, and she shouldn't have to change her own morals and dreams just to accommodate someone who isn't willing to do the same for her.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.