Woman Refuses To Marry Man She 'Hit It Off With Right Away' Because He Has 3 Kids
She decided kids just weren't in the cards for her after meeting this man.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock Everyone has something that is a deal breaker in relationships.
While people’s opinions vary widely on the matter, some just don’t want kids. One woman didn’t realize that was a deal breaker until she connected with a man who had three children from a previous marriage.
A woman really liked a man until she found out how involved he was in his kids’ lives.
An anonymous woman took to Reddit to ask if she was in the wrong for deciding she just couldn’t have a future with a man who had three kids.
“I’m in my 30s, divorced and I have no children (unable to without complications),” she explained. “In my religion, when you’re very observant, you don’t date; you meet people with the intention of getting to know each other for marriage.”
This woman was lucky enough to meet someone who she really clicked with, at least in the beginning.
“I recently met a man who is also in his 30s and divorced, but he has three kids,” she said. “We hit it off right away, coming from similar backgrounds, having a similar sense of humor, and finding each other attractive.”
She continued, “Being that I don’t have kids, I’m usually hesitant to deal with someone who does, and I told him that. He then tried to convince me that it wouldn’t be a big deal. For one thing, his kids would be living on the other side of the country.”
However, that may have just been wishful thinking because it didn’t work out that way at all.
“The more we got to know each other, though, the more I realized that he hardly has any time to talk or even respond to texts because he’s busy working,” she stated. “He explained that he’s trying to run two businesses in order to take care of his kids and save money because soon they’ll need cars and college funds and he wants to be able to set them up in life.”
“So, he’s asking me to be understanding that, yes, he won’t be home a lot if we get married and to sacrifice a little,” she recalled.
She decided that coming second to his kids and work wasn’t something she wanted to deal with in her life.
“I said no thanks,” she said. “It’s one thing if his hard work and sacrifice were to benefit our potential household, but it’s not. And it’s great and admirable that he wants to do all these things for his kids, but that just means time and money that could be coming into our household is not. So I’m going to have to pass.”
The man did not take this well. “He said I was being irrational and mad because he’s a hard worker and trying to provide for his kids,” she recounted.
This man’s argument wasn’t enough to sway her mind, so she chose not to pursue a further relationship with him.
It’s completely acceptable for children to be a deal breaker.
While you may not want to end your relationship, if you aren't on the same page about children, it might be the only option.
Psychologist Dr. Erika Martinez told Bustle, “If kids are in your three-to-five-year-plan and your partner is dead set against being a parent, then parting ways might be the way forward. You’ve got to ask yourself, ‘If s/he doesn’t change her/his mind about kids, do I want to go through life with (or without) kids? Do I want to go through life with (or without) my partner?’”
It can be difficult to decide what to do in this kind of situation. There is no wrong answer; there is only the answer that is right for you.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.