Woman Angers Her Date By Telling Him About Her '3-Year Rule' For Dating Before Marriage
Despite having a clear understanding of her own life plan, this woman was told she doesn’t know what she wants.
Adrienne / Pexels Any woman knows that dating in today’s world can be hard, but no one is truly prepared for the difficulties of trying to find someone to share your life with.
In a recent Reddit post, a woman detailed how she connected with a man named Jake on a dating app and decided to take it a step further by meeting in person. When out for dinner, they discussed future plans to which the woman brought up her career goals, traveling, and the possibility of getting a pet. Unfortunately, her non-traditional approach to dating, family, and marriage put her date on the defensive.
A woman angered her date by telling him about her '3-year rule.'
When prompted about family life, she reminded her date that they had already discussed the topic when chatting online and that she didn’t want children. In regards to being married, she expressed that she didn’t feel as though she needed to be married but if she met someone who she felt was right for her she was happy to get married.
Unhappy with her take, he asked, “Okay, but what if you found the perfect guy? Does he check ALL of your boxes? How long do you think it’d be before you married him?”
At this point, the woman broke down her three-year rule for dating before marriage. She explained that six months were needed to get to know the person, then a year of serious dating before moving in together, followed by a year and a half of living together before getting married.
This seemed to trigger him as he then started going off on her about being "stuck up," wasting his time, and that she didn’t know what she wanted. A bit ironic considering she laid out exactly what she wanted from her life, no?
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She paid for her own food and left the scene, adding, "He sent me a message afterward (I’d forgotten to block him immediately because I was still reeling from the whole experience) saying he was dating to marry, and clearly, I wasn’t serious enough for him, so there wouldn’t be a second date."
Commenters seemed to have her back.
People who commented seemed to be on the same page, saying that the two each had different expectations of life, and that’s okay. However, his own reaction to her life plans was not okay.
“You found out that you had different expectations — that’s not a reason to get angry, and he’s insane for being annoyed that not everyone he’s attracted to will have identical expectations to him,” one person replied to the harrowing story.
Obviously, not every date will result in a match, and not everyone has the same goals for their future, but criticizing someone for their choices because they look different from yours is not a sign of someone who is relationship-ready.
Not everyone is on the same path which is fine, but we must also respect others’ plans especially when it comes to dating.
Your future spouse is someone you will share your entire life with. It is only reasonable that you attempt to find someone whose goals and future plans align with your own, but it does no good to berate someone for what they plan to do with their life.
Relationship Hero coach Shoya Arriana told The Independent, “You should assess whether or not this person has the same dating goals you have, and should not walk away from that date not knowing whether or not they’re dating casually - as in just looking to meet people and have a good time, or dating intentionally - as in they’re interested in finding someone to build something with."
Adding, “Even if you feel like you and someone had amazing chemistry, if their goals conflict with your own? You risk wasting your time and getting hurt unnecessarily.”
Instead of questioning her own honest responses, she should simply embrace this date as a learning experience.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.