Man Refuses To Marry His Girlfriend Until She Can Financially Support Herself
He wants to make sure that his girlfriend wants to marry him because she loves him, not because she's financially dependent on him.
shironosov from Getty Images via Canva Pro A man is questioning the future of his relationship after admitting that he wants his girlfriend to be in a better place before they take that next step.
Posting to the subreddit "r/amiwrong," a 49-year-old man claimed that his 44-year-old girlfriend wants to get married, but he's hesitant due to their dynamic.
He wants his girlfriend to be able to financially support herself before they get married.
In his Reddit post, he explained that he and his girlfriend have been together for five years but have known each other for over a decade. When they first got together, his girlfriend had been through a lot, including being emotionally and physically abused, unemployed, living in her car, not sleeping, and having multiple panic attacks and other mental health issues.
At first, their relationship was strictly casual and the two talked extensively about not wanting to get married since they'd both been in unsuccessful marriages before getting together. Eventually, their relationship became more serious and the two began exclusively dating.
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Over the last two years, his girlfriend has begun changing her mind about marriage and admitted that she wants to be married to him. However, he's a bit on the fence about marriage, explaining that while his girlfriend has gotten help for her mental health, works a part-time job now, and has gotten herself back on the right track, she is still financially dependent on him.
"She still isn't contributing to household expenses yet but, I am in no rush and not demanding anything from her. I own my home and make enough that I can support us both without much trouble," he wrote in his Reddit post. "I am willing to consider marriage but still feel that the dynamic of how things started is holding me back."
"A part of me still worries that she is with me because I supported her in a difficult part of her life and that when she no longer needs me, she will no longer want me," he admitted.
He recalled that 15 years ago before they got together, he and his girlfriend had gone on a date. While they both had a nice time, she admitted to not feeling any sort of spark for him, and the two simply remained friends while they each got married and divorced in their time apart.
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He acknowledged that his girlfriend rejected him because he wasn't what she'd wanted, but suddenly, when she was in a vulnerable state, he was. Since then, he's wondered if his girlfriend is only with him because of the financial security that he provides instead of wanting to be with him because she loves him.
"I don't want to marry her until she is in a place where she could support herself without me," he confided. "I want her to have a decent job and put away enough money. I need to know that she is with me by choice rather than for shelter."
People agreed that it isn't unreasonable that he wants a stable ground for his marriage to start on.
"Love is you wanting independence for her and the ability to make decisions free of coercion regarding her stability," one Reddit user pointed out. "You’re a keeper dude. This is what’s best. You’re giving her room to heal and make truly good choices free of external forces that may push her to make a bad move."
Another user suggested that the pair look into couple's counseling to help work through both his fears and his girlfriend's sudden desire to get married, writing, "Opinions on marriage change. Opinions on relationships change. It's possible that her experiences and your actions changed how she sees you. She sees you as someone she wants to be with and marry."
Other Redditors in the comments pretty much gave him the same advice — he wouldn't know how his girlfriend would feel about his views toward marrying her until he actually sat down and spoke with her about it.
A conversation between them may clue him into whether or not marriage is even in the future, or if they should spend some time apart until she gets back on her own two feet.
It's not unfair that he wants to be sure that his girlfriend is with him for the right reasons, and will want to marry him because she unconditionally loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him, not because he provides a financial cushion for her and was there to pick her back up when she was down on her luck.
Making that decision to enter a marriage is a serious commitment because of how much hard work it is to maintain it. Both individuals need to be on the same page about their reasons and intentions before taking that step.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.