6 Simple Ways To Be Happier Than 95% Of Other Couples
A therapist shares what he's learned from the couples that last.
PeopleImages | Canva We all know one couple who seem to have the most perfect relationship ever. They're always smiling and cracking jokes while catering to and listening to each other's needs. At some point, you've probably wondered how can you reach that stage in your relationship.
Thankfully, licensed therapist Logan Cohen is here to help! In a TikTok post, Cohen discusses the characteristics that all couples need to have if they want to have a happy relationship.
Six simple ways to be happier than 95% of other couples
Here's what Logan Cohen says:
1. Put your relationship first, even above your family of origin
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Couples in happy relationships don't put their relationship last. Cohen continues, "They don't vent to family about their relationship issues or make decisions based on family pressure."
No, happy couples choose to put one another's needs before their families desires. They make decisions together as a team and stick with those decisions — even if it goes against their family's beliefs. Does that mean abandoning everyone else in favor of your partner? No. It does mean putting your partner first as long as the relationship is a healthy one.
2. Be friends and enjoy each other's company
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They say that the basis for any good relationship is friendship and I'd have to agree. Let's face it, things aren't always going to be perfect or romantic for the entirety of a life together. When it's 1:00 AM and you're having to change your baby's diapers, well, the idea of romance can go down the drain a little.
There's no stronger relationship than when both partners love and respect each other, as reinforced by a 2021 study. When both partners can laugh together and bask in each other's company, the tough times become easier to weather. When you build a relationship on friendship and mutual happiness, you have something stronger than romance or sparks to keep you together.
3. Survive the hard times
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It's safe to say life isn't like a Rom-Com. We can't all live happily ever after with zero problems of our own. Romance and limerence don't last forever and the happiest couples you know understand this. Likely, they've gone through tough times and screamed their lungs out (and then apologized afterward and made meaningful changes, too). They've probably cried together more times than you can count.
But as Cohen says, "They stayed together and worked through it, which established an even deeper level of trust." That doesn't mean staying togethwer just to suffer for years. It means staying together and building and re-building when need be, learning from the past and growing as a couple.
4. Give each other room to be yourselves
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"There is a foundation of mutual respect and admiration to begin with, rather than a desire to change the other person," says Cohen. Meaning, they don't demean their partner for their differences and instead, learn to work through those differences together.
Yes, healthy couples embrace each other's quirky characteristics and learn to celebrate and uplift their partners. As Cohen says, "And this mutual freedom empowers each partner to bring out the best in themselves."
5. Don't avoid tension or conflict
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At the start of a relationship, we can be afraid of conflict and tension. It can get to the point where we shut down instead of expressing how we truly feel. A Journal of Family Psychology study helps us understand that as we slowly begin to feel safe in our relationship, the approach to conflict gradually begins to change.
If you truly want a happy relationship, you need to allow yourself to be open and vulnerable with your partner — and you need to be the type of partner who can be trusted with open, vulnerable conversations! Cohen explains that happy couples, "Invite courageous conversations by using the tension to promote an even level of understanding through open communication, self-resolution, and compassion."
6. Set boundaries and keep them strong
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As Cohen shares, happy couples set boundaries — even with their own families of origin. But before you can do that, you need to establish boundaries together. What works for you? What matters most to you? This includes talking about fidelity, honesty and openness.
What boundaries do you have around emotional fidelity? How about sharing conversations that may be considered private between your partner and yourself? And what happens when those boundaries are violated?
The happiest couples know their boundaries, set them together and work as a team to maintain them. There's never grey area, and if one of these areas do arise, the work through them together. They never, ever, let other people cross these boundaries or harm their union and that is how they stay happier than most other couples.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.