5 Phrases Liars Always Drop Casually In Conversation, According To FBI Special Agent
Words will betray deception if you listen carefully.
Prostock-studio | Canva Think you can spot a liar? You might be surprised. According to former FBI special agent Jack Schafer who spent years interrogating suspects, liars rarely come out and say something blatantly false — they slip little tells into everyday conversation without even realizing it. The trick is knowing what to listen for.
These five casual-sounding phrases are some of the most common red flags used by deceptive people — and once you know them, you won’t hear conversations the same way again.
Here are phrases liars always drop casually in conversation:
1. 'That’s about it'
"About” is a word qualifier, indicating the speaker has more to say but does not want to elaborate. If the speaker told the entire story, his or her response would be, “That’s it.” The word “about” signals that the response falls short of the entire story. Truthful people relate all the facts without fear of legal or social consequences.
2. 'You can’t prove that'
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The word “prove” suggests that evidence exists to verify the supposition or accusation posited, but the speaker failed to discover the hidden proof. Honest people do not think in terms of proof.
They know that no evidence exists because they did not do what the speaker accused. The UC Law Journal showed deceptive people know the proof of their deception exists but the speaker has not yet discovered sufficient evidence to support the accusation.
3. 'Why would I do that?'
Answering a question with a question is a huge red flag indicating the possibility of deception. Honest people make direct denials.
They typically respond, “I didn’t do that.” Deceptive people are evasive, and when they are caught off guard, they need extra time to think of a believable response. A response like, “Why would I do that?” buys the deceptive person precious time to formulate such a response, as suggested by research in the Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research.
4. 'Are you accusing me?'
In addition to answering a question with a question, the accused may subtly try to turn the tables on his or her accuser, putting the questioner on the defensive.
The unspoken words of the accused are, “How dare you accuse me? Prepare to defend yourself.” This subtle counterattack prompts the accuser to justify his or her accusations. In doing so, the accused buys time to press a counterattack or prepare a believable story.
The simple answer to this question: “Yes, I am accusing you, or I would not have brought the topic up in the first place.” This response parries the counterattack and puts the accused back on the defensive.
5. 'I don’t remember doing that'
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Deceptive people often claim a lack of memory as a way to cover the truth. This defense sets two traps for dissemblers.
First, to not remember what you did, you must have an extant memory of the event. By definition, to not remember something you must have initially stored the information in your memory. The lack of memory indicates the memory is stored in the brain but that person cannot retrieve it.
Truthful people typically respond, “I don’t know.” Lack of memory suggests the person cannot retrieve a memory and, therefore, does not know what happened. Honest people strive to do anything they can to retrieve the memory of an event. Deceptive people do not want to reveal remembered information for fear of revealing the truth.
The second trap is similar. A person cannot say, “I don’t remember doing that,” unless the person remembers what they did. The word “that” suggests the person did not remember doing a specific set of actions.
To say, “I didn’t do that,” the person has to know what they did do. Logically, how can a person say they do not remember doing something when they have no memory of the event? The word “that” suggests a memory of an event.
The questioner’s response to this gambit should be, “What do you remember doing?” Honest people will tell you what they remember doing to support their alibi. Dishonest people usually cling to the lack of memory by saying, “I don’t know what I did.”
Here, the questioner's response should be, “If you don’t know what you did, it is possible that you did exactly what I described.” Deceptive people do not attempt to retrieve a memory of an action for fear of revealing the truth.
The key to detecting deception is to listen carefully to what someone tells you. Words do not simply fall from people’s mouths. They have meaning and are a direct representation of what a person is thinking. Words can, and do, reveal deception.
Jack Schafer, Ph.D., is a retired FBI Special Agent and behavioral analyst, and professor at Western Illinois University in the Law Enforcement and Justice Administration. He is the author/co-author of six books, has published many articles in professional journals, and is a contributor to Psychology Today and Inc.
