10 Clues The Guy You’re With Isn’t The One And Never Was, According To Psychology
The one for you is still out there.
Aleksandar Kuresevic | Unsplash We all have our dating doubts. Wondering if the person we picked is the right person for us.
If the things happening in the relationship are normal or actual red flags that you can't see. But if you are experiencing any of the following issues, you could be investing time in the wrong person.
Here are 10 clues the guy you’re with isn’t the one and never was, according to psychology:
1. You don't feel that you can be yourself
Your friends tell you you've changed. You are always watching what you say or how you act because your partner tends to get on your case or has been critical of you in the past. You just never feel completely relaxed around him, even after dating for a good amount of months.
If you can't be who you truly are with your significant other, it's time to think hard about what you are doing in a situation like this... and why. No one is worth this much sacrifice.
2. You're unhappy
Perfect Wave / Shutterstock
While it's true that our partners aren't responsible for our happiness, they should certainly make our days a little brighter! Someone who is dating the right person consistently enjoys the relationship and feels a general sense of happiness (arguments aside!).
If you find yourself unhappy most of the time — and especially when you are with them — then this may be a sign that this isn't the best person for you.
Persistent unhappiness in a relationship, especially if accompanied by increased negativity, irritability, or feeling like you're not growing together, can be a sign that the relationship isn't a good fit. A 2017 study concluded that it's not always a clear-cut indication, as individual differences and relationship dynamics play a role. Still, it's a good indicator to start exploring whether the relationship meets your needs and whether you're both invested in the relationship's future.
3. They exhaust you
Instead of feeling energized after hanging out with your partner, you feel emotionally drained most of the time. They seem to always have something to complain about, or just have a negative outlook on life. Either way, the person you choose to spend your life with should really lift you up rather than drag you down. And it shouldn't feel like "work" most of the time.
4. The friend factor
If you are with someone and don't really want to introduce them to your friends, this is not a good sign (and you should ask yourself why!). If you are with someone and they never bring you around their friends, it's another sign.
If your most trusted friends are expressing concern about your relationship, take heart. These people may be able to see things more objectively than you, so it's important to be open and hear what they have to say.
While there isn't research definitively stating that not introducing your partner to your friends is a guaranteed sign of a bad relationship, there are several potential reasons why a person might be hesitant to do so, and some of them can be red flags. If you've been dating for a significant amount of time and still haven't been introduced to friends or family, it's worth having a serious conversation about why.
5. You never envision the future together
After a certain amount of time together, it is normal to start thinking about what the future might be like as a couple. If you have been with your partner for a while and just don't see how it would ever work down the line, it might be a good idea to evaluate why you are with this person and what you are really looking for.
6. You are like night and day
He loves to go out every night and sleep late. You like to just be home and get an early start. He wants to be together seven nights a week, while you love time with your girlfriends.
Compatibility is an essential ingredient for a happy and peaceful union, and if you and your partner have many fundamental differences, it may make things that much harder.
The saying night and day implies a vast difference, suggesting significant incompatibility. While not a definitive indicator in a relationship, research indicates that substantial personality differences, particularly in daily habits and values, can make building a lasting and happy partnership challenging. When people are vastly different, it can lead to misunderstandings, disagreements, and difficulty connecting on a deeper level.
7. You are not excited to see or hear from them
She calls you... and you send it to voicemail. Or sometimes you actually avoid him. You realize that you feel completely ambivalent when you are around him.
Many of us go through the motions and are so afraid to be alone that we stay in situations that aren't fulfilling. Dating should be fun, exciting, and heartwarming, not another chore. It's not always going to be sunshine and roses, but you should feel happy to see them most of the time.
8. You don't feel good about yourself
Nicoleta Ionescu / Shutterstock
In addition to feeling happy, a person in a good relationship usually has positive self-esteem. Sure, they will have some doubts and insecurities (who doesn't?), but the time they spend with their partner will make them feel better about themselves, not worse.
In contrast, if your partner exacerbates your self-doubts and undermines your confidence, it's time to stand up for yourself... and say see ya later!
A one-sided relationship is one in which one person consistently does more work, feels more responsible, or feels more emotionally invested than the other. A 2021 study found that this can lead to feeling undervalued, stress, and emotional exhaustion. Recognizing the signs of a one-sided relationship is essential for addressing the imbalance and potentially saving the relationship or making an informed decision to end it.
9. The cons of staying together outweigh the pros
A cost-benefit analysis can actually be helpful in situations other than at the office. Sit down for a few minutes and write down the advantages of staying with your partner. Then list the disadvantages.
When you compare the lists, you will either find that the benefits outweigh any disadvantages, or that reasons to break up are more compelling than the ones to stay together.
10. Your instinct is whispering, 'Get out'
As a general rule, the voices inside us are there for a reason, and they should be listened to. Don't ignore the subtle red lights your subconscious is warning you about. Ultimately, our hearts know what is right for us. Give your inner voice free rein, and let it direct you to the conclusions that are best for you.
Researchers have concluded that gut feelings are a mix of unconscious processing and emotional responses and can sometimes be influenced by anxiety or past experiences. While trusting your intuition is essential, it's also crucial to discern whether it's a genuine feeling or a manifestation of other emotions.
Find someone who treats you like you need to be treated and makes you happy. Someone who makes you feel good about yourself and the people you trust encourages you to be with.
eHarmony is an online dating website. They believe you deserve to find love and are committed to assisting singles everywhere in their search to find love and romantic fulfillment.
