7 Rare Behaviors That Make A Husband Totally Unforgettable To His Wife, According To Psychology
You don't need a lot to make your wife feel like a queen.
Wavebreakmedia | Canva Back in college, for those of us looking to marry a woman, it was our goal to make our soon-to-be wives feel like the luckiest girl in the world, to make her feel like a queen. We bought flowers, listened, took her on dates that cost more money than we actually had, and were at her beck and call if she had a bad day.
We did all this because we wanted to win her heart. Why is this so hard to translate into married life, years later?
After years of marriage, you learn some things about how to treat your wife like a queen. For me, in my heart, I want my wife to know and feel that she's the most important person on earth to me. The question is: How? How do I make her feel like she's the luckiest woman in the world?
Here are 7 rare behaviors that make a husband totally unforgettable to his wife
1. Put her needs above your own
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In a post I wrote The Serving Spouse, I talked about the importance of putting your spouse's needs above your own. I believe that if more married couples did this, the marital success rate would increase exponentially.
Husbands, this is crucial. Become the biggest servant of your wife. You will win when you do this, because you're showing that you respect her and that her needs are important to you. Without that, you can't expect her to feel like the luckiest woman.
If you can get this one right, your wife will feel honored every single day of her life. And she will show the same respect for your needs, too.
2. Show up unexpectedly, and often
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Only stay at work late three out of the five work days. Come home early (or on time) the other two days. Surprise her for lunch and spend time with her when she's at home. Voluntarily go with her to the things she's involved in.
You should not only show up unexpectedly often, but also pack surprises when you can. This is bigger than flowers, too.
Surprise her by farming all of the kids out for the evening and taking her on a date. Surprise her by coming home early, volunteering to clean the kitchen, or taking it upon yourself to carry a load of laundry upstairs.
You not only take the burden off of her, but you make her feel valued and cherished when you do these random, seemingly minuscule acts for her.
Studies on marital dynamics and the importance of support and emotional intimacy suggest that unexpected acts of support and presence can significantly impact marital satisfaction and overall well-being. These acts can demonstrate care, reduce stress, and strengthen the emotional bond between partners.
3. Think like you’re in college
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In college, there was no distance you weren't willing to walk or measure, no distance you weren't willing to go to see her, talk to her, or be with her. Somehow, this ends when you move from sharing a college campus to sharing a house, a bed, and a life with her. Why is that?
Whether it was finagling your class schedule (even if it cost you a better grade) to see your future wife, or blowing off class to hang out in the city with her, why don't you think like that these days? Maybe you should start thinking or even acting like you're in college more often, where you actively made to be with the woman you love.
It doesn't matter how long you've been together — when you channel those feelings you had in the early stages of falling in love with her, it shows you haven't forgotten what brought you together in the first place. And if you want to treat your wife like a queen, it's essential to never forget why you fell in love.
4. Give her 1 for every 3
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For every three hours you're working or spending time doing what you love, give her one full hour of your undivided attention. For instance, if your workday is nine hours long, give her three hours. After a week that adds up to 15. You've got your weekend covered!
It's easy to get consumed by everyday life — kids, work, bills, household chores. But quality time is a key to ensuring your relationship lasts. And so is making sure you aren't distracted by electronics or other responsibilities.
So, in giving her one hour of time for every three, you're making an active effort to keep her engaged and invested in your relationship. And, hey, if you decide to spend that hour with her rubbing her feet, she's even more elevated to a queen in your eyes.
Husbands providing their wives with even a small amount of undivided attention can significantly improve marital satisfaction and closeness. Undivided attention, which means being fully present and engaged with one's partner without distractions, is considered a form of love and can foster deeper emotional connections. Researchers from the Gottman Institute explained that this attention can help partners feel seen, heard, and valued, ultimately strengthening the relationship.
5. Actually want to be with her
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It's one thing to say you want to spend time with your wife, but it’s another thing to actually want to do it. Guess what, guys? She can tell when you're faking it.
Our wives are not stupid. Just because you got the college degree and she didn't finish because she married you and eventually began the most important job in the world as a stay-at-home mom, that doesn't mean she’s not smart. She is!
Rather than pretending to want to be with her, actually enjoy being with her! It could be as simple as spending a night ordering takeout and watching your favorite movie together, or as grandiose as going on a weekend getaway.
No matter where you end up, make it your mission to cherish every second you have with her.
6. Ignore your phone when you're at home
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This is a big one for me and I bet it is for a lot of guys, too. Work is important, but so are relationships. You don't want to work a long shift at your job, only to come home and sit at the kitchen table all night reading and responding to emails.
Even though there may be work emergencies that come up, for the most part, those things can wait. Because once you begin to put your work emails ahead of your relationship, your wife won't feel like a lucky queen anymore; she will feel like just a normal woman with a husband who can't be bothered to engage with her.
You don't always need to be on your phone answering tweets, texts, emails or any other form of communication. Think about spending downtime together. She needs you. Not just your presence, but your focus.
Research on 'phubbing' (phone snubbing) indicates that using phones during interactions with a partner can lead to feelings of exclusion, reduced perceived partner responsiveness, and lower intimacy, potentially decreasing relationship satisfaction. Ultimately, the research also highlights the importance of paying attention to each other and prioritizing face-to-face interactions over phone use, especially during shared moments of togetherness.
7. Date her
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You've probably heard this a million times in the past, but it's such an important thing to do. For some odd reason, we lose the value of this after we get married.
For some time, you may have taken your wife dates before and after you married, but why is this a chore for you at times? Really think about it.
Well, the answer is simple. When you intentionally plan times for you and her to get away (for a good amount of time, not just a trip to Target), she feels valued. Plain and simple. Guys, you need to make this a priority. You need to spend time away from the kids and your home so you can invest in your marriage and get to know your wife on a deeper level.
So, take the extra step and go out on the town together. Dine out where you had your first date. Go see the film you've been dying to watch. Take a stroll, hand in hand, while you reminisce about the early days.
Now, doing all these things to treat your wife like a queen isn't without mess-ups every now and then. You've got work to do. It's the most important work in the world. Your marriage is worth it. Your wife is worth it.
Remember: she was the girl of your dreams back in the day. She’s the one human being who could actually get your heart beating fast. Treat her like she’s still all of this and more. In fact, treat her like the queen of the world.
Mike Berry is an author, speaker, family consultant, and the co-founder of Resilient Caregiver. His work has been featured on Good Men Project, Yahoo Parenting, Babble, and more.
