If You Recognize These 12 Things In Your Marriage, The Love Is Still Strong
Subtle signs of spouses who stay smitten and in love for a long time.
Vlada Karpovich | Pexels One of the most common questions is, "How do we make our relationship work?" The answers are complicated and varied and, after a while, can start to sound like muddled platitudes.
But these commonplace sayings get repeated because they work. If you can agree as a couple to abide by them as sacred marriage rules, the love in your marriage will stay strong, and the chances of your bond growing stronger and stronger over time increase dramatically.
If you recognize these things in your marriage, the love is still strong:
1. You mind your manners
"Please," "Thank you," and "You're welcome" can go a long way in helping your partner remember that you respect and love them and don't take them for granted.
2. You know variety is the spice of life
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Studies in the Psychological Science Journal explored how dullness can lead to dissatisfaction with a relationship. Trying something new can be as simple as visiting an unfamiliar restaurant or as grand as a backpacking trip through Sri Lanka. Discoveries you make together will keep you feeling close.
3. You play together to stay together
Find a sport or hobby you love (no, watching TV doesn't count) and prioritize it in your relationship. Camping, biking, building model trains — whatever it is, find something you enjoy doing together.
4. You know how to fight right
To have productive arguments, keep these rules in mind: Don't call your spouse names. When things get tough, take a break from the argument. Let the other person finish their sentences. Don't initiate a discussion when you're angry.
The Gottman Institute reminds us, "Arguments can leave emotional wounds even when a couple resolves an issue. This is perfectly normal and requires talking about or "processing." Sometimes it's about how you were fighting, not what you were fighting about."
5. You scratch their back, they scratch yours
No one likes demands, but everyone can appreciate a compromise. If you want your lover to do something and you're not sure they will be agreeable, the quickest way to avoid a confrontation is to sweeten the deal. For example: "Sure, I'll watch Monday Night Football if you take me to see the next movie of my choice."
6. You know two heads are better than one
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Being in a relationship means merging; you've not only joined assets but inherited the other's problems. Rather than looking at their problems as merely their own, tackle the problems together.
7. You let distance make the heart grow fonder
Maintain your friendships and occasionally have a night out without your significant other. Doing things without your partner not only makes you miss them but also keeps you sane. And if the relationship doesn't work out, you'll still have your friends.
8. You work it out
In other words: communicate! Talking out the tough subjects — money, religion, fidelity, raising kids — will not be the most fun you've had, but it'll be valuable.
Life coach Mitzi Bockmann recommended, "To make difficult conversations easier, first, let go of those projected outcomes. You have no idea how [they are] going to react, so to spend even one minute perseverating about what might happen is a complete waste of time. So, let them go. Accept that whatever happens will happen and that you can't control the outcome."
9. You use laughter as the best medicine
Learn to laugh at yourself and your silly mistakes. If they throw your $300 cashmere sweater in the dryer, laughing it off is better than getting angry in the long run. It's just a $300 cashmere sweater, not the end of the world.
10. You keep your eyes on the prize
Yes, they forgot your co-worker's name for the tenth time, but it probably doesn't mean they don't care about you. If you keep your perspective fixed on the goal — to be in a happy, functioning partnership — you're less likely to get tangled up in every minor annoyance. Remember, you both want the same thing.
11. You know quitters never win
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Find a ritual and keep it alive, no matter what. Whether it's always kissing each other good night, renewing your wedding vows every year, sleeping in as late as you want once a month, or committing to focused intimacy once a week, pick something that makes you both feel good and stick to it, even when you're tempted to skip.
12. You know when the going gets tough, the tough go to therapy
Research in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy showed that couples who seek counseling during rocky periods are more successful in resolving their issues than those who don't.
Whether from a religious figure, counselor, or mental health professional, getting an expert to help sort out strife is as wise as forgoing self-installation and hiring a plumber to put in a new sink.
Alex Alexander is a frequent contributor to YourTango.