6 Brutal Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
Ignorance is bliss until it breaks your heart.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva In the real world red flags, lights, and signs mean stop. In the dating world, they mean the same. Yet most of us are more daring in dating than in life. Or perhaps we have not fully embraced the wisdom that red flags mean stop. They do not mean to proceed with caution.
Yet for whatever reason so many of us don’t stop, we continue, most often without caution, some of us even enter blindly into the red zone. Why do we do this? Why do we ignore red flags in dating? Why do we ignore our intuition, better sense, and what prior experience taught us?
Perhaps partly because we have not identified what red flags look like. While my red flag may be your yellow, someone else’s is green. The fact of the matter is we are all different. We all have different needs and different desires. One thing is for certain. There are key characteristics and traits in dating that shouldn’t be ignored.
If you're tired of entering the red zone only to be taken out by heartbreak and disappointment, pay attention and read below.
Here are 6 brutal red flags you should never ignore:
1. He lies, big or little
Whether he says he went to bed at 9 PM or stayed up playing video games till 1 AM. A lie is a lie, and there are very few times they are ever acceptable. Lying is so important to notice because if someone lies about little things, they most likely are lying about the big important things too. Lying in a relationship can create a major lack of trust and a lack of trust will either end a relationship or make the two people in it feel crazy. So if he lies, stop, do not proceed with caution.
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2. He’s a drinker
Notice I did not say he ‘drinks.” Granted some people can handle their alcohol better than others, and some really enjoy beer, wine, or a good gin. Yet ladies beware, know what feels like ‘too much’ in your life and relationship. Alcoholism is a serious, and progressive need I remind you, disease. If he drinks a lot now, chances are he will drink even more later in life. Think about his health, your well-being, and the life of your future children if that’s the kind of future you are looking toward.
3. He doesn’t respect his mother
The woman who gave him birth, no matter what his relationship with her, must always be a matter of respect between a son and his mother for him to have an appreciation for other women. He does not have to like her, or even have a relationship with her. Truthfully there are some people who we cannot have in our lives. Yet as a son, for the woman who gave him life, a sense of respect is important.
4. He’s secretive
Passcodes on his phone and computer? Does he block you on social media and refuse to share aspects of his life with you? If he is going to be in your life, you deserve to be in his as well. If someone has nothing to hide, they won’t. And if they do, it will become quite an obvious fast. Inquire at the first glance of this red flag, if the explanation does not sit right then run, don’t walk, away.
5. He doesn’t follow through
How annoying is it when a friend or family member makes promises they don’t keep? Now give that empty promise some steroids and protein powder. That is the power of an empty promise in a romantic relationship. When someone doesn’t call, plan, or show up when they say they will, they say one of two things. First, they are saying I don’t have integrity. Second, they are saying, that if I don’t honor my integrity, I sure don’t care about yours.
6. The company he keeps
Jim Rohn says “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If you don’t like his friends or family, chances are soon enough, you will also no longer like him. I once had an ex say, “You don’t like my friends, and I don’t understand yours.” He was insightful and right. Your relationship is a whole lot more than just the person you date.
They say ignorance is ‘bliss.’ And it can be until it breaks your heart. Yet here you have, 6 red flags, waving brightly, in no particular numerical order. Do what you will with this info and insights. Use these as guidelines to learn what works and doesn’t work for you. However, most importantly, remember when to move forward, when to proceed with caution, and when to stop a relationship that doesn’t feel right to you.
Kelsea Brennan is a life and relationship coach who believes a happy and healthy relationship is one of the greatest gifts you are given.