Dating Coach Warns Of 3 Common Relationship Green Flags That Are Actually Red Ones
It can be easy to misinterpret the warning signs during the honeymoon phase.
@sabrinazohar / TikTok Dating someone new can be an exhilarating time period for many of us. Everything we learn about the new person is a thrill, and we start to envision our life with them as our ideal match.
We often get so caught up in this newly dating haze that we completely miss all of the “red flags” in their behavior that may arise, or we could misinterpret them as good qualities.
One dating coach has issued a warning for those who are in the early stages of dating on what exactly to look out for, and when they should leave the relationship.
Relationship expert Sabrina Zohar revealed three green flags that are actually red flags in dating.
Sabrina Zohar is a well-known dating coach on TikTok who often posts videos offering her advice and insights when it comes to navigating relationships with her 604,000 followers. In a recent video, she explained why three behavior patterns a partner demonstrates early on in the relationship were problematic, and why we may interpret them as harmless.
1. There is excessive communication in the early dating phase.
As Zohar applies makeup in the video that has been viewed over 75,000 times, she reveals exactly why constant communication with the person you’re newly dating is not necessarily a good thing.
“The reason that this seems like a green flag is that [you may think] ‘Oh my god, how great, this person is opening, communicative, they can tell me how they feel, and they’re checking in on me,’” Zohar says.
However, the constant texting, phone calls, and wanting to be in contact with you 24/7 is actually a clear indication of their deep insecurities. Excessively contacting you is how they may reassure themselves.
“They could be chasing a feeling, they could also be using it as control,” Zohar warns. “There’s a multitude of reasons why this is not always a good thing.”
When dating someone, it is important that they have their own identity and life apart from you. They should not depend on you to give them worth and meaning.
Excessive texting early in the relationship can also be the start of digital dating abuse, which happens when your partner demands to know where you are at all times, who you are with, and when you can contact them again, per Verywell Mind. When this begins happening, it might be time to call off the relationship.
Zohar also points out that the most effective way to communicate with a new partner is not by texting, but by being face-to-face.
2. They want to hang out with you 24/7, after one date.
Similar to Zohar’s first red flag, she explains why someone immediately fully attaching themselves to you after just one date is a catastrophe waiting to happen.
“Oftentimes what that’s doing is alienating you from your friends and family,” she says. “This person is trying to become the center of your world.”
While she notes that this is a common symptom of anxiety that the person may be suffering from, it is unfair to project it onto their partner. “It could also be a manipulation tactic that narcissists use, which is love bombing so that they can become the center of your universe,” Zohar adds.
Love bombing is when someone overwhelms, or “bombs,” you with extreme displays of affection in order to manipulate you to stay with them when times change and their initially charming demeanor fades away.
The reason why some of us may view love bombing as a positive thing in a relationship is because we may interpret it as a sign that our partner is constantly thinking about us. (7.2 out of every 10 people from Gen Z would rather date someone who loves bombs over someone who is emotionally unavailable).
However, over time when the honeymoon phase ends and a person’s true colors come to light, it will come as a massive shock to their partners, who are now so deep into the relationship that it will be extremely difficult to get out.
Photo: Just Life / Shutterstock
Zohar emphasizes the importance of your partner being independent early on in the relationship, arguing that it is “really f–king sexy.”
You want your potential partner to want to learn more about you and get to know you better over time rather than all at once on or shortly after the first date.
3. They are overly critical of their ex.
We’ve all had that one ex who was our absolute worst nightmare, whether we dated a narcissist or overbearing control freak. While it is healthy to vent about our experiences with our toxic exes from time to time, it can be a red flag if your partner is constantly bashing their ex around you.
“It’s one thing to share a story about your ex and share who they are,” Zohar says. “But if somebody is overly critical of their ex… this means, ‘s-–-, is this person taking accountability of their actions and their part in things?’”
It is important to note that there are two sides to every story. When our partners tell us their perspective of their past relationships, there is an entirely different perspective that we are neglecting that may have some critical details that they are conveniently leaving out.
Zohar reveals that if your partner is constantly complaining about their ex’s behavior, it may imply something about their own. “If this person isn’t taking any personal accountability… you might think of it as, ‘Oh my god yeah, they’re totally over it, they’ve moved on’… but I think of it as you’ll be the next one that they’re talking s--- about on another date,” she says.
While breakups can be painful and confusing, you are not helping yourself, or any new potential dating partners, if you are excessively bad-mouthing your ex. It is healthy to simply part ways, wish them the best of luck, and move on.
In the early stages of a relationship, everything about our new partner is exciting to us. It can be especially easy to miss the alarm bells that are signaling to us that this person may not be our ideal match.
Before jumping into the dating world, it is important to consider everything you want, and do not want, in a future relationship. Being in love should be a bonus in our life, not a chore or something that adds extra stress and anxiety.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.