5 Ways To Singlehandedly Destroy Your Marriage
When the problem is you, but you don't think you are the problem.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva A good friend says love is blind, but marriage restores your 20/20 vision. Regardless of romance, all marriages, at some point or another, will go through at least one major crisis. If the relationship survives the first couple of years after the endorphins have subsided, it will have to deal with the 12-to-20 season. The time between years 12 and 20 when couples typically work out the last major kinks and differences. If they are unable to reach this point, years 12-20 will typically result in divorce.
Here are 5 ways to singlehandedly destroy your marriage:
1. You can't handle the in-laws
How spouses relate to their inlaws is a strong predictor of marriage longevity. A man who gets along with his wife's parents is wise — his chances of a strong marriage increase. Women who get along with their in-laws have an increased probability of divorce. If you are the husband who does not invest in knowing or liking the in-laws, or if you are a wife who can't say no to the mom-in-law's constant, last-minute demands, you are probably driving your spouse to divorce.
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2. You are always the victim
You never do anything wrong and your spouse always does things on purpose. They are completely insensitive, never consider you, and probably even forget you exist. In return, you never ask for anything, you allow your spouse to over-indulge and underestimate. Perhaps your spouse has even been unfaithful but you will forgive every single time. If you truly cannot see your faults or imperfections and blame the other person for all that goes wrong, you are probably driving your spouse to divorce.
3. You can't handle pain or anger
No, this does not mean you explode in anger every two minutes. This could very well mean you pretend to never get angry to avoid confrontations. You cannot be fully honest about how you feel because you don't want to be the bearer of bad news. The idea of pain is overwhelming, and it is something you avoid because it is "bad." You always wait until you cool off, which takes about six months and by then you don't even remember what happened. It must not have been that important.
The idea of anger makes you angry at yourself for even thinking it because you believe you should never feel angry. When your spouse gets angry, you feel a lot of pain and you work hard to get rid of the pain. Instead of dealing with your hyper-sensitivities, you pretend not to be angry, and give silent treatments or fake headaches to avoid physical intimacy altogether. If you are more concerned with keeping the peace than you are with making peace, you are probably driving your spouse to divorce.
4. You're always right
Negotiating typically means your spouse will think it over until they agree with you. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to reason with someone who already knows how the problem will be resolved. It's not that you are being unreasonable, you make a lot of sense which makes everything more difficult.
Since you make sense, you assume you are right and your point of view is, therefore, the only "right" one. Your spouse never gets it. Ever. Or hardly ever. Because you are willing to negotiate, just not this time because this time you are right, as usual. If your spouse can't make decisions without you having a great "suggestion," as you typically do, you are probably driving your spouse to divorce.
5. You constantly belittle your partner's needs
Men need words of affirmation and physical intimacy. Women need time to be heard and appreciated as well as random acts of kindness. Minimizing how important these are is like denying water to a rose garden and expecting roses. The bond that holds couples together will never bloom unless you give it what it needs: validation. When couples hold their needs against each other, they vanish any possibility of real intimacy.
After all, your spouse should be the one person on this planet who wants your needs met, even if they can't meet all of them. If you withhold intimacy as punishment because you know how important it is for him, or you skip intellectual play consistently because you are too tired to romance her, you are probably driving your spouse to divorce.
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Francesca Escoto is a life coach, author, and the host of the New Love Resolution.