The Kind Of Woman Men Spend Years Looking For Has These 7 Traits, According To Psychology
These traits make her the woman men hope to find but rarely do.
Daniel Pascoa | Unsplash Many articles out there discuss traits or characteristics of the "right person" — the ways they treat you, the ways they conduct themselves, and what the relationship should look like. But the truth is, relationships aren't about checking items off a list. They're not about an arbitrary test score or seeing how someone matches up to some list a blogger put together on the internet.
Yes, these concepts can help you determine whether or not someone is a good person or a good match for you, but relationships aren't just about logic or reason. They're seldom about that at all.
Men need to find a balance between emotional happiness and knowing what type of person is right for them. Research suggests that men may compartmentalize relationships, limiting their emotional vulnerability and connection with others. This requires being open and honest with ourselves about what we want, but also what we feel. Just because you've met a woman who checks off all of the boxes on a list doesn't mean she will be right for you.
Needless to say, everyone will have different experiences and circumstances that make them feel as though they've found the person they've been looking for all along, but here are some signs worth paying attention to.
The kind of woman men spend years looking for has these seven traits, according to psychology:
1. She makes him completely lose interest in anyone else
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When you find a woman who you can both see and feel real potential with, there's absolutely no point in talking to any other woman, even if you were previously. If you've been dating someone for more than a few weeks and still have an interest in romantically pursuing others, it's a good sign that she's not the right one for you.
2. She makes him want to be connected with her
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Modern technology is fantastic because it allows us to communicate with each other instantly, at any time of day. Our grandparents wrote long love letters to each other and had to wait a week or two for a response. They make for romantic heirlooms but aren't particularly the best form of communication.
When a woman has fully captured your attention, you always want to be talking to her, even if it just means texting throughout the day. Every time you see her name come up on your phone, it's like coming across a winning lottery ticket.
Research suggests that men often place significant importance on romantic relationships as a primary source of emotional support and intimacy. Men may seek partners with whom they can establish strong connections and feel a sense of belonging. This desire for deep connection is often linked to gender norms and how men are socialized to suppress or conceal their emotions.
3. She makes him feel a happiness he's never felt before
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When you're single, happiness is simply dependent on what you want as an individual — what you want to do, where you want to travel to, and what you want to accomplish. These things are important to keep in your heart because they're a reflection of your true self.
It's important to note that the right woman will not change this or take it away from you. What may happen, though, is that you begin to factor her into your decisions.
Her happiness becomes as important to you as your own, and you are therefore willing to compromise in these areas of life. Remember, compromise is not the same as sacrifice; the idea is to find a common ground that makes you both happy.
I don't see this as losing freedom; I see it as gaining a new layer of fulfillment in your life that you have the privilege of sharing with someone else.
4. She pushes him to become better
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We should all strive to become the best version of ourselves, regardless of our relationship status. But when the right person comes into your life, oftentimes we find a renewed motivation — a deeper meaning, a stronger reason to succeed in whatever it is we are trying to succeed in.
Getting into better shape, accomplishing a personal or professional goal, and suddenly there's a brighter light shining along our path because we want to make her proud as well. We want to give her the gift of the best of us. By accomplishing what we set out to do, we're now improving not just one life, but two.
Relationships that foster self-expansion lead men to want to be better people, increase their knowledge, and enhance their skills. A 2018 study explained that a supportive relationship can also create a safe space for men to express their emotions, share their struggles, and receive constructive feedback, leading to increased self-awareness and emotional growth.
5. She makes him think about the future
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Don't worry, I'm not trying to scare any of the commitment-phobes out there. I don't mean you should be out shopping for engagement rings and baby carriages after the first month, but you will have no hesitation about planning for the next month. And the month after that. And maybe even the holidays.
When the right woman enters your life, you'll suddenly realize how much she enhances it, and you'll want to share every experience with her.
Men often seek partners who inspire them to think about the future because it suggests a level of shared vision and commitment. This can boost their confidence and self-worth, leading to a deeper and more satisfying relationship. A 2022 study concluded that a partner who makes a man contemplate the future may also indicate shared values and goals, strengthening their connection.
6. She is beautiful to him, inside and out
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Not because she's physically perfect, but because when you love someone for who they truly are, everything about them automatically becomes beautiful. If you find yourself hung up on physical imperfections (which all of us have), you aren't with the right woman. When you are, none of it matters.
Research from psychologist at The University of Texas shows that men, in both short-term and long-term relationship contexts, value a partner's physical attractiveness. It's crucial to remember that it's just one aspect of a healthy relationship. Other factors, such as emotional connection, shared values, and compatibility, are also essential for long-term relationship satisfaction.
7. She makes him just know she's the one
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This is perhaps the most cliché point of all. When we hear someone say, "When you know, you know," people think it means that you know this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. But relationships can't be that absolute.
I'm not sure if you just know that you want to make such a commitment to someone, because there are lots of moving pieces to that puzzle. This person needs to be compatible with you and your lifestyle in many different ways that you can only learn over time before making that decision.
But what you will know is that you want to give it a shot. You will know that she's different, somehow. Maybe you're not quite sure how and maybe you'll have a hard time explaining it to others, but you feel it.
She opens your eyes to things you didn't realize you were missing in previous relationships. She melts away all your heartache because she illuminates your future and takes the light off of your past. She gives you a new perspective, and sometimes, she comes out of nowhere.
Oftentimes, the best people are the ones who come into our lives by accident but stay on purpose. It may be true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone, but the right woman for you will make you realize that you also don't know what you've been missing until it arrives.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and relationship coach. He is a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
