8 Little Things Men Notice When Choosing The Person They're Going To Marry, Backed By Psychology
These special qualities spell spouse material.
Curated Lifestyle | Unsplash Marriage is the ultimate risk for a lot of men, and that’s why so many of them drag their feet to the altar. A scary amount of men cannot and will not commit to good women, and the fact is that many of them realize that, to a point, they’re making a mistake.
A good marriage serves men far more than it does women. So, eventually, most men do marry. What has always ground my gears about guys is that they often don’t marry the people who put in the most work. I ought to know — I’ve been that person, and so have many of my friends. I’ve questioned men over what men want in the person they're going to marry, and the answers varied widely.
Here are the little things men notice when choosing the person they're going to marry:
1. Your packaging
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Want to get married? Present yourself as marriage material. Be “presentable” enough to bring home to mom or to seem fit to be a mother to his child.
Also, take care of your personal hygiene, since most men (and women!) want to be with someone who takes care of their health and looks on a basic level. Attraction is a big part of seeing someone as a marriage material.
2. Your overall compatibility
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You’d be shocked at how many guys will date a woman who has nothing in common with him and go all the way to the altar with her. Many men will back away from women with bad personalities, or will end up mistaking a complete jerk of a person for “a challenge.” Either way, if they don’t care about compatibility, they shouldn’t be shocked when divorce papers come.
A 2020 study found that when a man assesses your psychological compatibility for marriage, he likely evaluates a combination of factors, including your shared values, communication styles, emotional needs, life goals, personality traits, and how well you complement each other. He is also considering whether you could navigate life's challenges together and build a stable, fulfilling partnership.
3. Your financial situation
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Men who care about having a good lifestyle will make a point not to date people who can’t stand on their own two feet. This isn’t to say that they won’t support you.
However, it is saying that they will probably want to see that you have something to contribute to a household on an equal level to them. Money is a major cause of arguments, so knowing that won’t be a factor is a good sign.
4. Your goals
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No, your goal can’t just be “to be married.” You need to show that you have life goals you want to reach as well.
What are they? Moreover, do they mesh with his? Assessing your goals for marriage compatibility focuses on understanding how aligned your long-term aspirations are with your partner's, particularly in key areas like family planning, career ambitions, lifestyle choices, and personal growth.
A 2021 study found these are significant indicators of potential relationship stability and satisfaction, whether you envision a similar future together and are willing to work towards achieving those shared goals.
5. Your impression on his family
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If they don’t approve, chances are that marriage won’t be in the cards, particularly if they come from a very traditional family. This is a good bullet dodged, though. Trust me when I say you don’t want an in-law who hates you and a man who won't stand up for you as your immediate family.
When a person's parents disapprove of their partner, it can significantly impact their marriage by creating stress, conflict, and potential feelings of doubt. Findings published in Family Process found that parental approval is a crucial social validation in many cultures, and this often leads to lower relationship satisfaction and stability. The extent of this influence varies depending on individual dynamics and the reasons behind the disapproval.
6. Your parenting qualities
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Two of the most commonly sought-after traits for how men choose a wife are kindness and warmth. In other words, a nurturing personality. This makes sense, considering that most guys want to marry someone who will eventually be the parent of their children.
7. Your integration into their social circle
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Ever seen a guy who had a spouse his friends hated? It’s rare, but it does happen. The reason why it doesn’t happen too often is that most men look at how their girlfriends behave around friends to determine if they want to spend forever with them.
8. Your backbone
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As nice as guys want you to be, they don’t want you to be spineless. Being assertive significantly impacts a marriage by promoting healthy communication, fostering mutual respect, and reducing conflict. A 2017 study concluded that the relationship becomes more fulfilling and stable when both partners express their needs and feelings without aggression or passivity.
Just like women don’t want to be with a man who has no spine of his own, men don’t want a person who’s too permissive around him, either. After all, confidence is key, and being assertive is being confident.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.