5 Things Married Couples Start Doing Once They Finally Mature Enough To Know Better
Some people can only love each other the right way once they've made plenty of mistakes.
Matias De La Fuente | Unsplash When does stuff become too much? How much do we need to survive happily as a family? When couples struggle financially, we also see an increase in domestic arguments, breakups, and chaos. It's difficult to show love toward your partner if you are worried about paying your cell phone bill, car payment, and house note. However, research in this area is finding that materialistic people have unhappier marriages than couples who don't care much about possessions.
This holds across all levels of income, according to Jason Carroll, A professor of family life at Brigham Young University. Dr. Carroll goes on to say that if you are materialistic, you will have a happier marriage if you find someone who isn’t. Two like-minded materialistic people suffered the least satisfying of marriages.
The research was done through the Relate Institute, which is a respected national research non-profit organization. In this case, they studied 1,734 married couples and collected online questionnaires from them. Across the board, the marriages with at least one materialistic spouse were worse off on all measures than marriages where neither spouse was materialistic.
Only married people were included in this study, but Dr. Carroll and his team believe the pattern is similar in couples who are cohabiting or long-time partners. So, what do we do when we want nice things, or need to make the payments on the nice things we already have? How do we value our partner, but still work hard enough to make our payments, live in a nice neighborhood, send our kids to nice schools, and splurge on a special gift?
Here are 5 things married couples start doing once they finally mature enough to know better:
1. Communicate with each other
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No matter how hard you work, if you communicate with your spouse each day, letting them know something as simple as, "I am thinking about you," you will be nurturing your relationship.
Mature couples with strong communication skills are better equipped to resolve conflicts constructively, avoiding escalation and promoting understanding. A 2017 study explained that sharing feelings and vulnerabilities builds trust and creates a safe space for emotional expression, leading to increased closeness and connection.
2. Appreciate each other
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Balance is everything. At times, that is difficult and unattainable. When you know in advance that work will be consuming a lot of your time, tell your partner in advance so they can mentally prepare.
Take them to dinner or spend extra time with them prior to the week or month that you need to focus on work. Remind them by saying something such as, "I am glad we have this time together, because next week (or next month) is going to be very demanding at work." This tells your partner they are more important to you than money.
3. Spend time together
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Have a family day. One day a week is sacred to families. Shut all communication off on that day. Program that day into your iPhone you have so you won't schedule business.
Shared experiences, from meaningful conversations to shared hobbies, create opportunities for couples to connect deeply and foster a sense of emotional intimacy. Research suggests that couples who consistently share affectionate moments and connect emotionally experience greater relationship satisfaction.
4. Love each other
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Husbands, wives, and children all like nice things, but they love you. Their love is a gift, not something you will get paid for. No amount of money or nice things you can ever acquire will replace this love.
Mature love, particularly companionate love, which emphasizes friendship, trust, and shared values, is strongly associated with higher levels of emotional well-being and relationship satisfaction in older couples. Studies indicate that couples with higher average companionship experience less negative affect, more positive affect, and greater closeness.
5. Be of service
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As a family and as a couple, it's nice to have a charity to which you give every year. Let the kids be part of planning which charity means the most to them. Teaching your children early to value life rather than material possessions is very important.
Dr. Phil once said that "If you marry for money, you earn every bit of it." What is equally true is that your family for generations to come will earn it too.
We all like nice things, but when they are valued more than our loved ones, it becomes a downhill ride, and you usually end up at the bottom alone.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a psychotherapist, author, speaker, and intimacy counselor.
