8 Quiet Gestures That Speak Loudly In The Happiest Marriages
Tried-and-true actions that sustain romantic bonds for life.
kate_sept2004 | Canva You may think a happy marriage can thrive on love alone, but you would be surprised to know it takes much more than pure love to make a marriage work. People in the happiest marriages will tell you that quiet gestures are the ones that speak the loudest when it comes to love by showing acceptance, support and appreciation.
Successful marriages are the result of trust, friendship, communication, and, of course, compromise. Emotional connection in a long-term relationship is unsustainable under its momentum, you need to work at it every day.
If you are ready to build the happiest marriage possible, there are certain tried-and-true actions you can take right now — and for the rest of your life. Remember, they don't need to be showy. They can be quiet, as long as they are heart-felt.
Here are eight gestures that speak loudly in the happiest of marriages
1. Accept your partner
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The first step to take toward an amazing marriage is learning to accept your partner with the good — and the less good. Remember it is different when you are dating and only seeing someone once a week, and therefore always having a good time. But when you get married, your good and bad qualities are out in the open.
Marrying the person you love means you will be with them all the time, and you will be exposed to their every habit. When you live with each other, you have to accept each other in totality, as shown by a study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Your partner will have habits that will annoy you. Learn to accept their flaws as you would expect them to accept your own.
2. Appreciate what you have
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Don't let the huge mansions of others make you lose appreciation for your love-filled home. You must take care not to compare your life with the lives of other people or your marriage with other people's marriages.
Be grateful for what you have, who you have, recognize the value of your partner, and know that every couple has its own set of challenges, difficulties, and hardships. Don't think the grass is greener on the other side when the grass is already green at home.
3. Support your partner on their journey
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While marriage is about co-creation, shared visions, activities, and interests, each partner needs to take time for themselves as well as they move through life.
No matter what your partner is passionate about, be a shoulder to cry on and lend an ear as they move through the ups and downs. A study in the American Journal of Family Therapy stressed the importance of showing your spouse how deeply you support them and proving that you are always there for them.
Developing individual paths to fulfillment is important and requires that you support your spouse in all endeavors, and respect each other’s choices along the way.
4. Focus on growing and changing yourself
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If you want to grow as a couple, you need to grow and change as individuals. Make sure that you are the kind of person who is adaptable to change.
Focus on changing yourself rather than on changing your partner. Learn to become the best partner you can be, as it will make you a better and happier person overall.
In happy marriages and relationships, couples grow together, of course, but they also grow into better people. All with the help of their loving partner.
5. Find happiness within
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For a happy marriage to last, each person needs to find happiness within themselves and feel content with what each has. You can't find true happiness and contentment solely in another person.
Marriage isn't only about the luxury items you own and the holidays you take together, as suggested by a review in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues. It's about how happy you make yourself day in and day out, as well as what you each do to make the other happy.
How will you make someone happy if you don’t act in a way that reflects joy?
6. Be affectionate
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Connection and sparks are the presence of powerful positive emotions and energy. Along with them is an underlying sense of excitement, enthusiasm, and joyfulness. What is a marriage without passion?
Make sure that you express your love, feelings, and wishes to your partner. Like you, your spouse needs your passion and love.
Your partner needs to feel attractive and appreciated. Let your partner know how you feel about them and how being with them brings out the best in you.
7. Have fun and laugh
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An important ingredient of any happy marriage is experiencing the fun and laughing together. Laughter is contagious and brings positive energy, along with stress and conflict relief.
Be silly with each other and laugh like you did when you were kids. Remember that marriage is about joyful companionship.
To keep the love alive, an article in Motivation and Emotion suggested you need to spend quality time filled with a sense of humor, enjoyment of each other, and an easy-going attitude towards your spouse.
8. Build shared interests
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You and your spouse are two different individuals with different preferences, tastes, and choices. You may like football and your spouse may like reading a novel. You may enjoy going out while your spouse wants to stay in.
You two may not be alike, but you can build shared interests and values from which you can create shared dreams with one another. It's easy at first, but over time it takes commitment.
Do things your partner loves to do and ask your partner to do things you love. Strive to build common interests and you will see how wonderfully it helps your relationship bond and grow.
Moshe Ratson is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT) and infidelity expert based in New York City.