7 Signs A Man Has Healthy Masculinity And Will Make A Great Husband
Masculine energy gets a bad rap these days, but it has a positive side that can help love grow.
Becca Tapert | Unsplash Masculine energy in relationships probably looks different than you'd expect — it's the part that is goal-directed, assertive, and action-oriented. Focused more on doing than on being.
Most people use their masculine energy when working and accomplishing goals. It's not about how physically strong or stoic someone is; it's more about how they carry themselves.
What does healthy masculine energy in relationships look like? Healthy masculinity is about respect and integrity. The trunk anchors the tree into the ground, allowing the leaves to dance in the wind.
Masculinity is often misunderstood and vilified because of unhealthy or toxic expressions of masculine energy — focused on power and control. It wants to hold power over others. Healthy masculine energy is focused on developing inner power and strength and controlling the self, not others.
Here are 7 signs of healthy masculinity that show he'll make a great husband:
1. He's comfortable with vulnerability
It takes real strength and confidence to show someone your true feelings. Healthy masculinity embraces authentic expression and knows that vulnerability comes from inner strength.
Your man needs to be able to open his heart to you and reveal his inner thoughts and feelings. He knows that showing his emotional weaknesses doesn’t make him weak. Instead, it creates a deeper connection and trust in the relationship.
Studies published in 2013 show that being able to voice your feelings helps decrease their impact and overcome them faster, so look for a man who is in touch with his emotional life and can open up to you. He may not always have the language or wear his emotions on his sleeve, but he will be able to tell you how he feels when it's important.
2. He's grounded
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A man who is comfortable in his skin and knows who he is will inspire you to feel grounded and safe. Imagine that the masculine is the tree trunk, and the feminine is the smaller branches, the leaves, and the flowers. A strong trunk supports the branches and leaves to dance in the wind and nurtures the flowers to bloom.
Grounded masculine energy gives you space to express your femininity fully. He supports your emotional side and doesn’t feel threatened by your passion and intensity. He appreciates how you soften him and connect him to his feelings.
This is best expressed by watching two ballroom dancers. The male in the dance supports the female. He leads and holds the female as she beautifully twirls and turns around him.
This dance of masculine and feminine energy in relationships allows for the strengths of both partners to be expressed and for them to be in harmony with one another.
3. He provides for you and makes you happy
A man who is comfortable in his masculinity knows that his happiness comes from making you happy. He wants to provide the things you need to thrive.
According to research from Psychology Today, a man's sense of identity is closely tied to his ability to support his family. This doesn’t mean he must be the breadwinner or sole financial support. He can provide through his ability to care for things you don’t want or can’t do. He can provide emotional support and encouragement for you to pursue your career.
As long as he knows that his support brings you joy, he will be willing to give you what you need, honor your requests, and work to meet your needs. His power is his ability to please you and create an environment where you feel safe and cared for.
This doesn’t mean you can’t succeed in your own right. A man who is confident in his masculinity won’t feel threatened by a woman who is more successful than him. He will want to support you in creating your dreams alongside you.
4. He embodies integrity
Do his words match his actions? Does he take responsibility when he makes a mistake? Can he apologize when necessary?
These traits come from a man who lives with integrity and is comfortable with his masculinity. He's not afraid to be imperfect and will show you his weaknesses.
Integrity is vital to living with healthy masculinity. Living up to your values and beliefs requires inner strength and confidence. A man constantly swayed by those around him isn’t grounded in his truth.
Defensiveness and blame-shifting are qualities of a man who isn’t confident. Integrity requires that you take responsibility for your actions. No one is perfect, but everyone can fix their mistakes and apologize for not living up to their standards.
5. He leads but is not rigid
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When a man takes charge in a relationship, he knows what he wants and is willing to take action to get it. He will ask you out in advance. He wants to make a claim, take you off the market, and ask for exclusivity. However, this does not mean he is so single-minded in his actions that he can’t respond and change course when given feedback.
Toxic masculinity sees things only one way — his way. Healthy masculinity can adjust and change course when necessary.
Does he try to bulldoze you or overwhelm you with his love? Or is he curious to discover what you desire? Look for a man who knows what he wants and is flexible. Ideally, each of you defers to one another’s strengths to create a strong bond.
6. He asks for and accepts help.
A man expressing healthy masculine energy knows he doesn’t always have the answer. He is willing to accept help and may even actively seek out help. He knows there is more strength in a team than in going it alone.
Your man may struggle and strive to solve his problems independently, but he will also know when he can’t do it alone. He won’t be afraid to ask for help and has no fear of being perceived as weak when asking for assistance because he knows it takes true strength to admit needing help.
Is your man able to ask your opinion or help? Does he have mentors or friends that he can rely on? Did he read the instructions before trying to assemble the furniture you bought from Ikea? A man who can ask for help is confident in who he is and willing to admit what he doesn’t know.
7. He's not obsessed with being right.
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The need to be right is an unhealthy masculine trait, but the desire to get it right is an example of healthy masculine energy. Whether he is trying to please you, working to express his feelings, or achieving a goal in his life, a man who is comfortable in his masculinity wants to get it right. He also knows that he isn’t always right.
A man comfortable in his masculinity is willing and able to give credit where credit is due, not obsessed with taking all the credit himself. He will strive to get things right and readily admit when he is wrong.
Look for these examples of healthy masculine energy when you're dating. Encourage your man to step into his masculine by relaxing into your feminine power. Ultimately, you’ll find that you are happier, more relaxed in your relationships, and can trust the man you are with.
Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches, the founders of Creating Love On Purpose, which takes a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks into love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.