10 Signs A Man Has Downgraded You In His Life, Backed By Research
If these sound familiar, a man may have demoted you in his life.
nensuria | Canva Modern dating feels more difficult than ever. As if navigating dating apps and dealing with ghosting isn't enough, many of us are having to learn that we've been downgraded by a man. Also known as a mistress, side piece, or the other woman, the role of a side chick is to do all the things a girlfriend might do — but secretly, and without much emotional commitment.
How do you know if you've been downgraded by a man in your life? Perhaps the worst part about becoming a side chick is not even realizing that it's happening. Whether you were in a committed relationship with him before and you're realizing the dynamic between you is changing or you're wondering if maybe you've been downgraded in relationship status, here's what to look for.
Here are the signs a man has downgraded you in his life:
1. He suddenly acts cold to you
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Is his overall demeanor one where he no longer seems to be as interested as he once was? If you notice an overall “chilly” vibe from him, chances are that he may be checked out of the relationship.
Guys who have downgraded their girls often will seem slightly more disinterested and may also be less interested in actually keeping you happy.
2. You are no longer his top priority
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If he’s looking to downgrade you or dump you, he’ll stop making you his number-one priority. Rather than just be around when you need him, he’ll start to tell you that he needs more “friends” time or that he’s just “busy.”
The less effort he’s putting in, the more likely it is that he’s downgraded you. When a man no longer prioritizes a partner, it can stem from various factors, including a shift in personal priorities, relationship dynamics where one partner feels neglected, potential signs of disinterest, or a lack of commitment.
A 2011 study found that this can lead to insecurity, resentment, and a decline in relationship satisfaction among partners who feel deprioritized.
This theory suggests that people strive for a balance in their relationships, where the perceived contributions and rewards are roughly equal. When one partner feels they consistently give more than they are receiving, it can lead to resentment and feeling undervalued.
3. You feel the need to work twice as hard to keep him around
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This is just one of the common signs you've been downgraded. If you regularly feel like you have to up your game just to keep him, chances are high that he’s either checked out, cheating or planning to leave.
4. You disappeared from his social media
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Is he now all of a sudden super-low key about your relationship with him? Is he just “in a relationship,” but it no longer says your name?
Sorry, but this is a sign that he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s taken from someone. It’s also a very strong sign that he’s trying to gear up for a more or less drama-free breakup.
Research from a 2021 study suggests that when someone removes you from their social media, it can be interpreted as a sign of a desire to create distance. This can indicate a potential shift in the relationship, often signifying a willingness to disengage or a lack of interest, particularly in romantic relationships or when there's been a conflict.
This act can be a way to manage emotional distress by minimizing reminders of the person they are distancing themselves from.
5. You haven't seen his friends in awhile
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This is a big red flag you've been downgraded, especially if you used to hang out with his friends a lot.
When a guy is cheating on his girlfriend or preparing to cheat, he will often try to separate his girls from his friends as a way of reducing social damage and drama. This is also a tactic that guys use when they are worried that their friends could want to warn the girl about his actions.
6. You stopped seeing his parents
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When a guy is serious about his girl, he’ll introduce her to his parents and his friends and flaunt them. When he’s decided that she is no longer “main chick” material, all those people will slowly fade out.
Several related concepts and theories can help interpret this behavior, often pointing toward potential issues like a lack of commitment, relationship insecurity, family dynamics, or personal anxieties about the partner's reception.
A study published by Brigham Young University found that while not introducing a partner to the family can be concerning, it's essential to consider factors like geographical distance, cultural norms, and individual family dynamics before concluding.
7. You caught him on a dating app
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No, he wasn’t there looking for new friends. You know what he was there for. Stop deluding yourself. At best, he’s cheating. At worst, he’s looking for a new partner.
8. He hides his phone from you
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Maybe he'll leave his phone out, but turn off notifications so nothing pops up on the screen. Or he changed his passcode and won't tell you what it is. But when you confront him about it, he gaslights you and brushes aside your complaints like it’s nothing but still gets defensive.
This is often a sign that he’s trying to chat up another woman because he’s ready to switch relationships. Or, it’s a sign that he’s cheating. Either way, it’s not a good sign for your situation.
9. He stopped sharing his day-to-day details with you
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You can often tell how close you are to your partner by how much they share with you. If he used to talk your ear off when it came to everything he's done, but now he's starting to keep his lips sealed, it could be a sign that he's gabbing to someone else.
When a partner doesn't share details about their day, it can signify a lack of intimacy, potential relationship issues, communication barriers, or even personality traits like introversion, where someone might naturally be more reserved in sharing personal details.
However, a 2022 study concluded that it's crucial to consider the context and communicate openly to understand the underlying reasons behind this behavior.
10. He bails on plans more frequently
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If he bails on you regularly, the writing is on the wall: you've been downgraded. The fact is that a guy who bails on plans with you doesn’t deserve you and isn’t even empathetic enough to maintain appearances about it.
Finding out you've been downgraded is painful. No one wants to feel like they're not a priority, and they deserve better.
If you've become the side chick without your consent, the first thing you have to do is determine whether or not you want to be with him. At this point, he's been caught cheating — while relationships can rebound from infidelity, is it a dealbreaker for you?
Let him know you know what's going on and show him the receipts. See how he reacts and stand your ground.
Ultimately, it's your relationship and your choice, but the person you should always put first is yourself.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.