The 4 Riskiest Years Of Marriage That Make Or Break A Couple, According To A Therapist
Marriage ruts are inevitable — it's how a couple handles them that matters.
Natali Hordiiuk | Unsplash We all hear that marriage is a struggle. However, there are certain points in every marriage where it can feel like the relationship with your spouse is hanging by a thread. These are the riskiest years of marriage, moments will either make or break you.
According to Emily Zeller, a licensed marriage & family therapist, there are certain points in a marriage where the relationship will be tested in ways many newly, happy married couples often never see coming.
Here are the four ‘riskiest’ years of marriage that make or break a couple, according to a therapist:
1. Years 1-2: ‘The Reality Check’
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During your first year of marriage, you might expect to be giddy with happiness all the time as you blissfully cruise through the honeymoon phase. However, it is also the time you may be asking yourself, “Wait… did we move too fast?”
These are the years you will truly see your spouse for who they are if you have never had the experience of living together before. Living together full-time means sharing space, routines, and personal habits, which can be a big adjustment. Even the smallest differences, such as how you and your spouse prefer to organize your space, can cause tensions.
According to Zeller, 40% of divorces happen within the first couple years of marriage when couples decide to marry based on attraction and not compatibility or the ability to work through differences.
2. Years 3-4: ‘The Drowning Years’
By this time, some married couples have experienced career changes, are adjusting to their financial group, and have brought kids into the picture. These changes can drastically alter the dynamic of the relationship, and many couples struggle to adjust to it all.
While research shows that marital bliss naturally declines within the first ten years of tying the knot, it's particularly hard on couples with kids. In fact, a study from 2003 found that parents report higher levels of marital dissatisfaction compared to their childfree peers, and to make matters worse, the more kids, the higher the dissatisfaction.
You may go from not being able to keep your hands off each other to occasionally speaking when you happen to cross paths. During these years, it may feel like you have a roommate rather than a spouse. It is easy to neglect your relationship amid working long hours, financial stress, and raising kids.
3. Years 7-8: ‘The Danger Zone’
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According to Zeller, the seven-year itch is not just a myth. It refers to the idea that a marriage or a long-term relationship may experience a period of dissatisfaction or crisis around the seven-year mark, potentially leading to divorce or infidelity.
The “itch” may be sparked by various factors, including changes in circumstances like children getting older and work schedules getting busier, lack of novelty and excitement in the marriage, and unresolved issues. This is the time when couples either level up or fall apart completely.
4. Years 11-12: ‘Is This It?’
This is often the time when married couples look at each other and wonder, “Are we still in this together?” After over a decade together, couples fall into a predictable routine. The excitement and novelty of early marriage may have worn off, and the relationship may feel more like a habit than a passionate partnership.
This is a time where couples really have to put in the work to find their way back to each other. Marriage ruts are inevitable. If you happen to find yourself in one, it doesn’t mean that your marriage is over. In order to get through rough waters, Zeller recommended couples to continue dating each other, even long after they are married.
This can look like a simple date night in which you cook dinner together, stay up late to chat, or simply enjoy each other’s presence. Even though life can get in the way from time to time, spouses should always strive to make their marriage a priority. This will only help them navigate the tougher moments together instead of drifting apart.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
