Wife Credits A ‘Bathroom Divorce’ For Saving Her Marriage - ‘I Am A Much Happier Person’
She admitted that having a separate bathroom from her husband did wonders for their relationship.
bbernard | Shutterstock Sharing a bathroom with a significant other can be quite the experience. You are forced to deal with their hygiene habits, which are most likely different from yours. Whether it's toothpaste in the sink, the toilet seat not being the way you left it, or hair accumulating in the shower drain, it can really test your patience with your partner.
It seems that was the case for Debbie Wiener, who explained to the New York Post that she saved her marriage with her husband, Jim Weinberger, by switching up their bathroom and allowing them to have their own space.
A wife credited a 'bathroom divorce' with saving her marriage.
While speaking with the NY Post, Debbie, 66, explained that she had hated the bathroom in her house ever since she and her husband, Jim Weinberger, 67, bought the property on Maryland's Eastern Shore in 2011. For years, the couple lived with a bathroom connected to their primary bedroom on the ground floor, and the layout was quite strange — you actually had to walk through the bathroom to reach the bedroom.
"If you are sitting on the toilet and someone wanted to go into the bedroom, they were going to pass you," Debbie said. "It was kind of a joke."
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Debbie, a retired interior designer, admitted that she was fed up with their bathroom structure and the inconveniences it caused both of them. So, she decided to create a spouse-saving bathroom suite with two of everything. Debbie claimed that it was time for a "bathroom divorce" because of her and her husband's different bathroom habits.
"As you get older, your gastrointestinal needs change," Debbie said. "My husband’s habits didn’t age well. One toilet was not cutting it. All my neighbors lined up to see my bathroom. Every time I tell a woman about my bathroom, she is, like, 'OMG I want that.' This is the next step after a sleep divorce. You can share a vanity without sharing cooties. You can share a wet room but not a toilet."
Having separate bathrooms with your partner might be the secret to saving a marriage.
In 2017, Honest Tea released the results of a study indicating that 60% of couples believed that being honest with their partner about their bathroom habits led to a healthier relationship. In an interview with TODAY, licensed marriage and family therapist Laura Petiford explained that couples having two bathrooms is, in part, a declaration of a "highly, highly egalitarian marriage."
"The bathroom is a space where we attend to highly intimate aspects of ourselves, and a high-risk environment to reveal habits of cleanliness, which can be contentious for couples," she said. "On a superficial level, having two bathrooms might allow for maintaining a higher level of romance, keeping a degree of mystery."
Many couples might argue that having a separate bathroom goes hand-in-hand with having separate sleeping arrangements. A 2017 study conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, via USA Today, found that 25% of married couples sleep in separate rooms.
However, Petiford noted that if couples are having problems, having different bathrooms in their home might not be the only solution to remedy their issues. "Whenever anybody comes in with a 'preventing' issue, it's really more about the dynamic that exists between the couple, rather than critical issues," she said. "As is often the case in therapy or when people have a complaint, it's almost never about the particular issue at hand, but the dynamic about the thing that's being talked about."
The wife admitted that her bathroom standards were quite high compared to her husband's.
"Sometimes I climbed the stairs to use the kids’ bathroom," she told the NY Post. "Sometimes, I had to wait to use the bathroom. It is no fun to yell at your husband, 'you are disgusting,' and have him yell at you, ‘you are too fussy."
However, Debbie's husband didn't quite agree with her assessment. "I don’t think about the bathroom that much," Jim said. "The bathroom is not a huge part of my life. Debbie comes from a different place on this because of her profession."
It can be challenging to share a bathroom with a man. They're quite messy and unorganized, and on top of that, they seem to lack the ability to put the toilet seat down. If you have the financial means to either expand an already existing bathroom or specifically look for a space that has more than one bathroom, it could be the key to saving your relationship.
"I find myself spending extra time in there to finish a word find," Debbe insisted. "I feel like I am not only helping my digestive system — I am helping my mind. Now, there is peace and harmony in the bathroom. We each have a private room, and nobody knows what’s going on. With two toilets, I am a much happier person. At home, I have toilet nirvana."
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.