If You Recognize These 8 Things In Your Relationship, Psychology Says He's The Man You Should Marry
If these signs ring a bell, marriage is in your future.
Curated Lifestyle | Unsplash It’s challenging to be unequivocally confident about your choice of the man you should marry. The possibility of seeing your partner through rose-tinted glasses—only to discover that you fell in love with an idea—can be daunting. Everyone and their moms have asked if you plan to tie the knot anytime soon.
But even when the love, passion, and commitment are there, it can be hard to tell whether or not this is it. Fortunately, scientific research has broken ground on the matter.
If you recognize these things in your relationship, psychology says he's the man you should marry:
1. He doesn't melt down when you drop a bomb
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When you dropped a pretty substantial bomb, he didn't shy away, freeze up, or get angry — he was rational and helpful. "It shows a level of maturity, acceptance, and openness," says relationship expert Jenn Berman, Psy.D.
And all of these are crucial factors in a significant other. “A partner is marriage material if he’s accepting of your struggles, such as your debt, and lets you know he’s around to help you through it."
One of the biggest financial concerns that can cause strife is debt. According to a 2023 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, finances were the primary reason for 40% of disagreements in long-term relationships.
Another study found that 86% of couples who got married in the previous five years had started in debt—with more debt leading to more arguments. In comparison, the same study shows that only about 25% of debt-free couples say they argue about money.
2. He encourages girls’ night
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You don't feel guilty taking a night (or a week-long beach vacation) away from your partner to focus on friends. And more importantly, he's supportive of this. Experts say taking a little break from your spouse now and then is healthy.
“He wants you to have your independence. He realizes that to feel fulfilled you need an identity outside of 'girlfriend,''" says relationship expert Logan Levkoff, Ph.D.
3. He shows genuine interest in knowing even the smallest details about you
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Your pillow talk is filled with Q&As and you're still learning a ton about each other. He may already know what makes you happy, but he also continues to ask in-depth questions about you all the time — from your passions and dreams to your childhood.
“This is a core factor that shows the depth of a relationship and a desire to understand you," says Berman. It indicates a desire for a deeper connection and commitment beyond casual dating. They are invested in getting to know you as a whole person, not just on a superficial level.
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that while showing interest is a positive sign, it's crucial to further assess compatibility, values, and life goals before considering marriage.
4. He accepts your social circle
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A lifelong relationship often means blending your friend groups, so it's imperative that he genuinely supports the friendships that are important to you. That includes getting along with your girlfriends and not feeling threatened or uncomfortable by your male friends, says Levkoff.
5. He talks through conflict
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You want to spend forever with someone who's not afraid to have the hard conversations.
“It’s not that you don’t have conflict, it’s that he doesn’t run away when you do,” says Berman. “It shows he’s invested in you and in the relationship. It shows commitment and that he has a level of maturity that is important in a long-term relationship."
So it's a good sign if your partner sticks around and works through a problem when it arises — instead of blowing it off, asking for space, or turning off his phone.
6. He's up for a good rom-com every now and then
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Sure, it shows he knows how to pick his battles (we cannot watch Die Hard every single weekend), but a recent study also found that watching rom-coms together can actually strengthen your bond.
Couples who watched movies with romantic undertones and discussed them were less likely to get divorced than other couples. So if you and your partner already do this, it's a good sign for the future.
7. He feels strongly about commitment
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This may seem like an obvious one, but it's worth reiterating. 2017 research shows that people who have cheated once are 3.5 times more likely to cheat on a subsequent partner.
This doesn't mean someone isn't marriage material if they've cheated in the past, but experts suggest having a serious discussion about your partner's views on fidelity if that's the case.
8. You feel like he's 'the one'
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We could give you a whole checklist of traits to cross off, but it's often your gut that will reveal how you truly feel. And according to research, that's actually a pretty good measure of a strong bond.
In fact, gut feelings predicted future relationship happiness better than self-reported feelings.
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