7 Short Phrases To Lovingly Validate Your Wife's Emotions And Make Her Feel Seen
Talk to your wife about her true feelings to take the pulse of your marriage.
ilona titova | Canva Happy marriages aren’t happy all the time. In marriage, as in life, emotions ebb and flow, and it’s up to both partners to learn to ride the tides. But, when you have a feeling your partner is unhappy in your marriage, what do you do?
As a concerned spouse, the most obvious answer is the correct one — validate her emotions and make her feel seen. What’s important, however, is how you approach the situation.
What you say has to dig emotionally deeper, which involves a little delicacy and diplomacy on your part. You need to be asking the right questions and saying the right things.
Here are short phrases to lovingly validate your wife's emotions and make her feel seen:
1. 'Let me tell you what happened to me today…'
It sounds counterintuitive, but the best way to get your spouse talking is to start talking yourself. Make it a habit to talk about your day, the things that happened to you, and the people you encountered.
Then, be sure to ask her about her day and give her space and time to talk about her own experiences. The more comfortable you both feel engaging in everyday conversation with each other, the easier it will be to have more meaningful discussions.
“Make it feel easy to talk to you,” says Celia Schweyer, a relationship expert. “Once you get the ball rolling, you might just be surprised by the torrent of emotion that’s waiting to gush out from your partner.”
2. 'What do you think about this?'
Cast Of Thousands via Shutterstock
If your wife is unhappy, part of it might stem from her feeling as though she isn't being heard or validated. If she believes her input is either not wanted or not important, then it will lead to feelings of detachment and disconnection.
Ask for your wife’s input and opinions on things big and small and you will see the difference, according to a study in The Journal of Family Issues.
“Check with her,” says Schweyer, “whether it be on your outfit or a major decision, so she knows she’s valued and needed.”
3. 'I love how you…'
Not feeling appreciated is one of the number one complaints most wives have when it comes to their husbands. Just letting her know she makes you happy can pick up her mood and let her know her efforts aren’t going unnoticed.
“This particular phrase shows your appreciation to your wife,” Schweyer says. “and could bring back happiness in your marriage.”
4. 'What can I do to help?'
Building on the feelings of detachment and isolation that unhappy wives can feel, they can also feel as though they’re alone in the marriage. An American Psychological Association (APA) study helped show the day-to-day jobs and child-care duties fall exclusively on them and they are cut off from other people as a result of their responsibilities.
If you’re busy with your job, but also carving out time for your activities, your spouse is going to feel more and more isolated, and resentment will creep in. Let her know she’s still a priority and the marriage is a partnership.
“Don’t stop at asking what’s wrong,” Schweyer says. “Rather, find out what you can do to help patch things up.”
5. 'Thank you for what you do…'
Prostock-studio via Shutterstock
If you’re trying to get to the bottom of what might be making your wife upset, try easing into the discussion with a compliment. Let her know she’s valued and her feelings are important.
If you come at her by saying, “What’s wrong?”, she’s going to be on the defensive right away. Make it clear you're there to talk about her feelings and are open to hearing what she has to say.
“Starting a conversation on a positive note is always helpful in putting your wife at ease,” says Schweyer. “A good argument with your wife starts by telling her that you acknowledge her.”
6. 'I’m here for us'
Everyone says marriage is 50/50, but the truth is, there are times when someone is shouldering more of the weight, as backed up by research in the Yonsei Medical Journal. The key is to make sure your spouse knows when it’s time for you to carry the load, you’re ready and willing.
If she’s unhappy, then letting her know you’re here to make the partnership work will help rebuild trust and offer reassurance.
“This lets her know that you’re willing to do what it takes, however long it takes, to make things work,” says Mahalli. “This reassurance can be a good place to start in trying to figure out exactly how you’re going to make that happen together.”
7. 'Can we talk about why you’re unhappy?'
Sometimes, it’s best to go straight to the heart of the issue. The emotions your wife is feeling can run much deeper, and the only way you’re going to fix it is to figure out how far down those roots go.
“Make sure she knows that you’re coming from a place of empathy rather than judgment,” says Adina Mahalli, a certified mental health consultant and family care specialist. “You can’t force someone to be happy, but sometimes just knowing that your partner cares enough about your happiness can be a big step in the right direction.”
Jeremy Brown is a writer and editor. His writing has appeared in many magazines, websites, and newspapers around the world and he has authored special issues for TV Guide and the Discovery Channel, among more.