5 Nagging Doubts That Cause Panic In A Relationship But Are Actually Totally Normal
Having doubts doesn't mean you don't love your partner.
StockPhotoDirectors | Shutterstock Your real-life romantic relationships are not going to be anything like you’ve seen in your favorite Disney movies. Cinderella’s frustration over Prince Charming not calling her to let her know that he was going to be late coming home or having conflicting feelings about their intimate connection didn’t quite make it into the movie.
However, it doesn’t mean that you won’t have your own doubts about your relationship, no matter how much you may love your partner. According to marriage and family therapist Jeff Guenther, there are a few very common doubts you may have about your relationship that everyone is bound to experience — and the great news is that they are totally normal.
Here are nagging doubts that cause panic in a relationship but are actually totally normal:
1. ‘If this relationship were right, I would just know.’
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According to Guenther, the idea that when you lay eyes on your partner and just know that they are the one is a “romcom lie.” He explained, “Relationships don't come with built-in certainty. Most people wonder at some point,” he shared in a TikTok video. “Doubt is a normal part of being human, not a secret sign that you're in the wrong relationship.”
The “right person” will not necessarily be perfect. They may forget to empty the dishwasher, take a long time to answer text messages, or sometimes even just aggravate us in ways we didn’t think possible.
However, this does not make them the wrong one for us. We just need to learn how to compromise and adapt to their qualities that may drive us crazy every now and then. Getting annoyed with your partner is a very normal part of being in a relationship.
2. ‘I shouldn’t find other people attractive if I really love my partner.’
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This is a misconception about relationships many of us have. “Your eyes didn't fall out of your head when you got into a relationship,” Guenther said. “Attraction is instinctive.”
Attraction is a fundamental part of biology. We may find others attractive even when we are madly in love with our partner. This does not eliminate your devotion to them.
"Being attracted to lots of different people is natural, and it's not going to magically go away just because you're in love with someone," Guenther addressed in a separate video.
"There are a ton of hot people in the world, and it's okay to sometimes think about what it would be like to be with them." Noticing that other people are attractive does not negate the attraction you feel toward your partner.
3. ‘Should I be in a different relationship style?’
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If you are in a monogamous relationship, it is normal for your mind to wonder what it would be like if you ventured into different relationship styles. However, it's more likely that you're experiencing this thought when you are getting bored with your relationship, which is also completely normal.
After the honeymoon phase fizzles out, letting your mind wander to the “What if?” is a normal part of craving the excitement of something new again. It's important during these times to try and bring some of that excitement back into your relationship, however.
“Feeling bored in your relationship may be a reflection of being bored in general. One way to change this is to shake up your everyday routines,” Kendra Cherry, MSEd, shared with VeryWell Mind. “Instead of eating at the same places, consider going somewhere new as a couple. Find a new hobby that the two of you can try together.”
While it is normal to wonder about different relationship styles, it doesn’t mean that you are doubtful of your own relationship. “What matters is whether your current structure aligns with your values and emotional needs, not whether another option seems enticing now and then,” Guenther explained.
4. ‘What if I’m only with my partner because it’s comfortable?’
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We often stay in familiar places for a long time, even if they are not contributing to our growth, because they are comfortable. Some of us may mistake comfort for settling in our relationships with our partners.
However, sometimes comfort does not always hold us back, and it is something we should embrace in our relationships. According to Guenther, comfort is actually the complete opposite of a red flag.
“Love isn't supposed to be a constant adrenaline rush. It's meant to feel like home,” he said. “If you feel safe, secure, and happy, maybe it's not settling. Maybe it's working!”
5. ‘What if my fantasies aren’t fulfilled?’
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This mainly applies to physical intimacy. If all your desires are not being met during intimate moments, you may start to doubt the legitimacy of your relationship.
However, this doesn’t mean that you and your partner are not physically compatible. “Having some unmet desires doesn't mean the relationship is wrong. It just means you're a person who craves novelty, and not every partner will want exactly what you do,” Guenther clarified.
This is where communication comes in handy. If you have a certain desire in mind that you would like your partner to fulfill, make it known to them. You won't be able to sync with your partner if they have no understanding of what you truly want.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
