12 Sneaky Things You Can Learn About Someone By Meeting Their Friends
You can judge someone based off who they choose to spend time with.
twinsterphoto | Canva A very wise man once said, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you who you are.” The longer I live, the more I realize that this old saying is preaching the truth.
Statistically, we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. You are who you hang out with — and there’s nothing wrong with judging someone by their entourage.
Believe it or not, you can learn a lot about the guy you’re dating by meeting your boyfriend's friends. A man's entourage can tip you off to his real personality.
Here are 12 sneaky things you can learn about someone by meeting their friends:
1. His likelihood of cheating
Do you know if his buddies have side pieces? If they do, don’t date him! Studies show that one of the biggest predictors of cheating is whether his friends are currently having affairs with their wives and girlfriends.
2. His attitude toward women in general
silverkblackstock / Shutterstock
Birds of a feather tend to flock together, especially when it comes to attitudes on women. Misogynistic men tend to hang out with other misogynistic men. If you hear his friends talking about how women “don’t function on logic” or anything else like that, you can assume he’s not much better and that it’s time to bail.
The phenomenon of misogynistic men attracting other misogynistic men can be explained by a combination of factors, including social identity theory, group dynamics, shared values, and the reinforcement of negative attitudes toward women. Individuals with similar misogynistic views tend to gravitate towards each other, validating and strengthening those beliefs within their social group. A 2024 study published in Nordic Psychology explained that addressing misogyny requires challenging harmful stereotypes and promoting positive gender attitudes through education and awareness campaigns.
3. His chances of being a creep
Most guys worth dating will have at least one female friend around them, and there’s a reason for this. Women are open to just being friends with men, but not when men are creeping them out.
If guys can't even keep a female friend around them, it’s a sign that they are doing something seriously wrong.
4. How compatible his lifestyle really is with yours
You might like him, but let’s just be real, liking isn’t enough. On a similar note, if all his friends come from a very different background than yours and have a lifestyle that’s basically your polar opposite, chances are high that he lives the same type of life. If you can’t match with that, you probably aren’t compatible in terms of lifestyle.
A person's friends can provide valuable insight into their lifestyle and potential compatibility with you. The people we surround ourselves with often reflect our values, interests, and social habits, thus indicating whether our lifestyle aligns with theirs. A 2021 study explained that not everyone completely aligns with their friend group, so it is crucial to observe your partner directly to understand their habits and preferences beyond their social circle.
5. How likely it is that his parents will accept you
A good rule of thumb is to take a look at his entourage. In most cases, parents like the friends their kids have or want their friends to be a bit more conservative. If you are the “odd one out,” then you may have disapproving parents to deal with if you get serious.
6. If he’s actually serious about you
Don’t know his friends? Never got introduced to them, except by accident? Haven’t met them unless you badgered him? Well, this is a sign that he’s not serious about you, especially if you’ve been dating for more than six months.
When a guy introduces you to his friends, especially his close friends, it's often considered a significant indicator that he is serious about you. A study published in the Social and Personality Psychology Compass explained that it signifies a desire to integrate you into his social circle and see a future with you, as friends can provide valuable insights into a person's character and intentions. Just because he hasn't introduced you to his friends doesn't necessarily mean he isn't serious about you, as people may have different social dynamics or take time to integrate someone into their close circle.
7. If something is wrong with the relationship that you might not notice
I’ve learned this from personal experience. If you notice that his friends are shooting you sympathetic, confused, or pitying looks, then you should be worried.
It’s a sign he’s cheating on you or otherwise doing something sketchy.
8. If he’s talking smack about you behind your back
Another thing I’ve learned is to be wary if you notice his friends acting unusually cruel, mean, or icy towards you. In many cases, this is a sign that he’s saying pretty awful things about you behind your back or that you might be the unwitting other woman. Either way, see this as grounds for breaking up.
According to a 2020 Frontiers in Psychology study, meeting a partner's friends can offer valuable insight into whether they might be talking about you behind your back. Their reactions and conversations can reveal subtle cues about how your partner is perceived within their social circle, including potential gossiping behaviors. If their friends seem guarded and uncomfortable discussing you or sharing negative information about them, it could indicate that your partner might be speaking negatively about them when you're not around.
9. If you would want to be with him long-term
His friends are going to be part of his life, with or without you in it. If you legitimately can’t stand being around any of his friends, you should not consider being around him long-term. These things can and do cause rifts between couples, and that’s not good for the health of the relationship.
10. His chances of being successful in life
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock
If the five friends he has around him all the time don’t have jobs, he probably will not have much going on in his life either... unless he changes his life. Meeting a person's friends can offer insight into their potential for success because the people we surround ourselves with often reflect our values, ambitions, and overall life trajectory.
Essentially, "you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." A 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology suggested that while observing patterns can be helpful, avoid making sweeping judgments based on a single interaction with a few friends.
11. His core values
His friends will likely have the same values as he does. If his friends are highly religious, chances are that he’ll begin to skew towards religiosity as he gets older, too, even if he doesn’t seem religious right now.
Similarly, if his friends don’t value education, he probably won’t either. Look at his friends and ask if you have similar values to them. If you don’t, you might want to rethink your relationship with him.
12. If he's ready to settle down
People who have a bunch of friends who are married are far more likely to get married and look for long-term commitment than people whose friends are still single.
If you see a lot of wedding rings on his friends, that's a good sign that he wants to get married to someone sooner rather than later.
Meeting a partner's friends is often seen as a significant step towards commitment because it signifies a willingness to integrate you into their established social circle. This is a key indicator of their potential readiness to settle down, as friends often reflect a person's values, lifestyle, and future aspirations. A study published in Personal Relationships suggested that while meeting friends is a good indicator, assessing other aspects of the relationship, like communication, shared goals, and overall compatibility, is crucial to gauge someone's readiness for commitment fully.
Here are some tips to help you when meeting your boyfriend's friends for the first time
1. Be yourself
It is important to show up as your authentic self. No one likes a brown-noser. Be who you are everyday, and his friends will appreciate that just like he does.
You don't have to memorize sports stats or the latest car models to impress his friends. Make casual conversation. Besides, people can see right through the fake-nice girl act really quickly.
2. Be prepared
Of course, his friends are coming with an arsenal of questions. Wouldn't your friends? They want to know about you just as much as you are wondering about them. Set boundaries, and be prepared to do some talking.
3. Be presentable
Now, you don't have to go out and spend thousands, but make sure you look good. You represent your man, and you want him proud to introduce you as his lady.
When you look good, you feel good and feeling good will make you more relaxed. Men like to show off what they value, and girl you are the prize!
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.