18 Little Things I Finally Did For Me After My Divorce — 'It Was Time To Get Off The Floor And Live My Life'
After the dust settled, I rediscovered my spark.
Sonnie Hiles | Unsplash The “happiness is a choice” model has always struck me as far too simplistic. Yes, I do choose to be happy. Yes, I know that all moments and emotions are temporary. It’s just that as much as life is what we make it and all of that lovely jazz, some days life makes it tough. Really, super-dupe tough.
I have said as much to friends and family in the past, and after receiving enough groans and eye rolls in return to do me just fine for this lifetime, I started keeping that thought to myself, settling for putting on a good show to save us all the trouble.
Then, the ever-inspiring Jordan Gray wrote a post on Facebook in which he defined a concept I had never heard of: spiritual bypassing. According to Gray “Spiritual bypassing is when we try to race towards the lesson, the gratitude, and the forgiveness without actually allowing ourselves to feel our original feelings.”
Yes! That's it! That is the exact side-stepping of vital emotional processing I have known I need to keep myself from falling prey to digest my experiences and feelings, rather than swallow them whole for the sake of a quick but shaky smile. I picked up that list of things I never did before getting divorced and let them flow.
Here are the little things I finally did for me after my divorce:
1. Took longer than my kids to get ready
2. Fell asleep on a bed half-covered with laundry
Nenad Aksic / Shutterstock
3. Left dirty dishes in the sink for a week straight
4. Let my kids play video games for more than an hour at a time
5. Spent an entire weekend in bed when I wasn’t even sick
6. Posted something on Facebook about how I truly feel
7. Trusted my judgment
8. Explored my love life with zero shame or guilt
9. Considered my own needs as important as someone else’s
10. Found a career I love founded on my innate talents
And knew I was excellent at it.
11. Parented my children the way I believe I should
Rather than the way I believed would prevent a fight.
12. Celebrated holidays the way I believe I should
Rather than the way I believed would prevent a fight
13. Got to know, understand, and like myself
Yuri A / Shutterstock
14. Fully appreciated my parents
15. Intentionally developed my creativity in a public forum without fear of judgment
16. Attended a wedding without a plus-one
And only felt joy, not jealousy
17. Took a road trip alone
Fully absorbing the beauty and freedom
18. Believed in second chances, and dared to take them
A gratitude list was born after all. One that brings me true peace and happiness.
Executive Editor Arianna Jeret, MA/MSW, is a writer and former family law mediator. Her work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Huffington Post, Yahoo, MSN, Bustle, Parents and more.
