10 Tiny Ways Your Life Will Get Better After Your Divorce
Discover the best divorce gift of all.
Mariia Korneeva via ShutterstockYou may not be able to imagine life after divorce at this moment, but I promise that will change. You will eventually land in a place where you can look back, see how far you’ve come, and realize that while the divorce was by no means pleasant, a single life after divorce does bring with it gifts, both big and small.
As someone who has been through a divorce, and now coaching women every day who are going through theirs, I can tell you from experience that you’ll appreciate all your newly single lifestyle has to offer.
Here are 10 ways life gets better after your divorce
1. The drama is behind you
Finally, you can breathe a bit. The paperwork is signed, the big decisions have been made, new routines are in place, and you can stop living and breathing the divorce. Finally, what a relief! Congratulations by the way.
2. You get the bed to yourself… the whole bed
It’s delicious, spreading out in the middle of the bed. If you were married to a snorer, it’s even better because you’ll relish the quiet. If he tossed and turned all night, you’ll revel in the stillness.
Recipe for a wonderful night? Buy some sheets you love, mix them with a new duvet, snuggle in with your latest book, and savor.
Photo: Olena Yakobchuk via Shutterstock
3. You don’t have to shave your legs if you don’t feel like it.
It’s not just about shaving, it’s really about whatever you did mostly for him that you no longer have to think about.
Did he like your hair long? Try a new cut. Did he hate that tee shirt from college? Wear it ‘til it falls off in tatters. Do you see where I’m going with this? You don’t have to pray for someone else or be concerned about what anyone else might think. You get to do what makes you feel good, whatever that is.
4. You decide what’s for dinner (or not).
When I was married, we played the “What do you want to do for dinner” game night after night. Ugh, I dreaded that question. After my divorce, no problem! I’d eat whatever sounded yummy, even if that meant standing in front of my open fridge and grazing, even if it meant nothing but ice cream.
I’d drink from the carton too. Rebellious I know.
5. You get nights off from the kids.
At first, it’s impossible to think about the fact the kids will be spending time away from you with Dad. It hurts in the beginning, but it does get better as the kids get used to the routine and you become more comfortable with the idea.
One day you will realize you are looking forward to it, if just a teeny bit. Time to yourself is time to get things done and to take care of yourself. Whether you use the time to see friends, catch up on bills, get a manicure, or simply enjoy the quiet of the house, it will give you some much-needed time to rejuvenate — ultimately making you a better mom.
6. You’ll date again, perhaps.
If and when you are ready, dating after divorce can be fun. Once you find someone you like and the hormones kick in, watch out! You’ll find yourself giddy and giggling like a teenager with your girlfriends.
It doesn’t mean you are shopping for the next husband, either. You might be a little rusty, and times have changed, so the goal is to practice. Kiss some frogs! It’s the only way you’ll get a chance to find the prince.
7. You get to make a new nest.
Nesting is healing. Whether you move to a new house or apartment or not, you’ll probably need or want to change things up at home.
I didn’t have much money after my divorce so I furnished my studio apartment little by little by shopping at flea markets on the weekends. I loved it. Every single thing in that apartment was something I treasured.
Now is your chance to surround yourself with things that make you smile.
8. You get to keep the house the way you like it.
I used to think I was a neat freak. If I had friends over, I’d spend hours cleaning and making sure everything was put away before anyone got there. I kept the place magazine-ready at all times. It was exhausting.
After my divorce, I realized I wasn’t that neat — he was! I didn’t mind so much if there was a shirt hanging over the chair or if there was a dirty dish on the counter. It’s strangely satisfying for me to let the house get a little messy now.
The point? You get to be you in your own house.
Photo: KieferPix via Shutterstock
9. You gain financial empowerment.
Often, my clients come to me and tell me their husbands always managed the finances, and they are terrified they won’t be able to support themselves or understand their finances if they get a divorce.
Much like necessity is the mother of invention, a divorce forces you to learn about your finances and to take them over. Once you get past the learning curve, it’s incredibly empowering to manage your own money. And I’m betting you’ll never want to relinquish that responsibility again.
10. You feel hope that you will be happy again (honest!).
It takes a long time to heal — sometimes years. And there are things you can do to speed that process up some. But no matter how long it takes for you to arrive, once you reach that final stage of divorce, you’ll experience a happiness you didn’t think was possible.
You will feel whole again. You will have learned the non-negotiables that must be present in your life, as well as what you do not want in your life going forward. You will be thoughtful and deliberate about things because you are back in the driver’s seat with complete control. It’s intoxicating, and the feeling sticks with you. This is the best divorce gift of all.
I’ll bet when you get there, to your life after divorce, you’ll be able to add 10 more things of your own to this list. The little freedoms we hadn’t even realized were missing are different for all of us. You’ll appreciate each and everyone when you get it back.
Liza Caldwell runs SAS for Women, a boutique firm that specializes in helping women free themselves from dysfunctional and unhappy relationships.