6 Green Flags That Mean A Man Is Built For Commitment, According To Psychology
These signs show he’s not just saying the right things — he’s wired for real, lasting love.
Rido | Canva When it comes to relationships, often what we think we want versus what we need are two different things. If you’re leading with superficial ideals such as the perfect partner should have model good looks, a six-figure+ income, and the right degree from the right school, topped off with six-pack abs, you’re ignoring the most imperative qualities that can make or break a relationship.
The fact is, all those other qualities will not matter much long-term if your partner doesn’t have the following attributes. If you find a man who embodies all these traits, you, my friend, have found a true keeper who's built for commitment.
Here are the green flags that mean a man is built for commitment:
1. Integrity
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A lie is a lie. It doesn’t matter if it’s white, black, or green. This includes lying by omission or withholding information, which is also profoundly dishonest.
Someone who lies about anything no matter how insignificant they think it is, is not a trustworthy partner. Even “white” lies can break trust with your partner and can make them wonder what else you’re hiding.
True honesty and integrity are some of the hardest traits to come by these days and it’s not a virtue you should overlook. You should be able to trust your partner, to be honest with you about everything. A transparent relationship is a healthy relationship.
If you find your partner is withholding information or skirting the truth, this is not a person you want to spend your life with. It’s better to be with someone who is brutally honest and is willing to ruffle a few feathers than someone who puts on the “nice” act and lies to save their hide.
A straightforward person is the best kind of partner you can ever have.
2. A respectful, kind family
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Notice I said a “respectful, kind” family, not a “perfect” family. No family is perfect and they all have their quirks and minor annoyances, but if your partner’s family is meddling, judgmental, jealous, or hypercritical, it is considered emotional abuse and if your partner won’t or can’t stand up to them it’s likely to be a deal-breaker. This is not the kind of family you want to marry into.
Unless you want to spend your life walking on eggshells and feeling constantly judged and ridiculed, opt for a partner with an evolved, open-minded family that understands boundaries and respects your relationship.
No matter how many good qualities you think he or she has, they’re not a “catch” if they allow their family to be emotionally abusive toward you. Move on. There are plenty of great people out there who know how to set boundaries and have loving and accepting families. Don’t settle for less.
Research suggests a strong link between a man's family environment and his ability to form and maintain committed relationships. A kind and supportive family often fosters a sense of security and trust that can translate to a willingness to commit to romantic relationships.
3. Strength and independence
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If you want a loyal warrior by your side that you can trust with your life (and heart) no cowards need to apply.
If your partner lacks resolve, and independent thinking skills, and always needs approval from others, this is not a partner who will have your back in life. You are not dealing with a mature adult or someone who can be the kind of strong, capable partner you need.
Life can be challenging and scary, and the only kind of partner that is going to hold up through the test of time is a strong, resilient partner who can be your rock.
If your partner cannot handle adversity or stand up for themselves or you, it’s time to cut the cord. It’s hard to respect someone who doesn’t demand respect for themselves or you.
Research suggests that while a strong sense of independence is generally seen as positive, excessive hyper-independence in men can sometimes be linked to difficulties in commitment and vulnerability in relationships. Healthy relationships require a balance between independence and intimacy, where both partners can be vulnerable and rely on each other.
4. Kindness and empathy
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Kindness and empathy are two words we hear a lot, but what do they mean?
There is a big difference between being run-of-the-mill “nice” and being “kind.” Anyone can be “nice.” Nice involves surface-level politeness that does not have to be genuine and it does not require empathy or integrity. They smile on cue, bring the right gifts, say all the right things, and hold the door open for you.
For example, you may find that “nice” people may be pleasant to your face, but then surprisingly nasty behind your back. You’ll sometimes find that the people who thrive off being labeled “nice” may be overcompensating for something or have dark secrets.
To be kind, you must be empathetic. Kindness and compassion cannot exist without empathy. Kind people are genuine. They understand others on a whole different level and feel for humanity.
“Nice” people say and do all the right things when everyone is watching. Kind people feel and follow through on all the right things when no one is watching. There is a big difference. It’s better to have an empathetic partner who gives regularly to charity than a “nice” partner who gives you a $5k Chanel bag and then lies to you.
A 2024 study shows a strong correlation between a man's kindness and empathy and his willingness to commit to a relationship. When a man consistently demonstrates kindness and compassion, his partner feels valued, understood, and safe, which builds trust and strengthens the foundation of the relationship.
5. Decent people as friends
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This is always such a touchy subject and for good reason. You’re probably going to spend a lot of time with these people and if they’re immature and disrespectful, suffice it to say you’re going to have a hard time reconciling wanting to be with your partner and not wanting to be around people who think making fun of people or inappropriate jokes is so hilarious.
There is a big difference between being a humor-less killjoy versus not going along with things that go against your values and violate basic human decency. We’re all supposed to be adults here and we’re supposed to know that just because a group is doing or saying something doesn’t make it right.
You know that adage about following people off a bridge? Yeah, don’t do that. If your partner’s friends are disrespectful, this is a red flag.
The reality is that personalities can conflict. We’re not all going to get along with everyone in the world, but it’s important to do your best to get along with your partner's friends and respect their friendships. It doesn’t mean you have to like their friends as much as they do but understand they have a place in your partner’s life.
However, if you find your partner’s friends to be perpetually intolerable and disrespectful toward you and others, and your partner refuses to hold them accountable, it’s a wise idea to move on. You don’t want to deal with that for the rest of your life.
It’s also worth mentioning that questionable friends can reveal that your partner may be hiding undesirable traits and may not be as good as he/she is portraying themselves to be. As the saying goes: “Birds of a feather flock together.”
6. A healthy lifestyle
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Choosing a partner who leads a healthy lifestyle is vital to your long-term health as well. Our partners can be significantly influential on us and if you have a partner whose idea of a good time is getting sloshed in bars, there are two likely outcomes: a) You’re going to go along with it and live a less healthy lifestyle. b) You’re going to refuse to do it and probably end up in arguments.
Either way, if you want a healthy life, choose a partner who also leads a healthy life.
A friend of mine who is a successful entrepreneur and was an infamous “party boy” recently wrote a beautiful tribute to his fiancé (who is a wellness coach) where he praised her for turning his life around and helping him lead a happier, less-stressed, healthier lifestyle. He relayed that before meeting her, he had all the things he was “supposed” to have, but that his life was the same repetitive party and lacked meaning.
He went on to say that he is now the happiest he’s ever been and that the absolute best decision of his life has not been his business, education, travels, or parties, but his choice of choosing a healthy partner who helped bring meaning and depth to his life.
Research suggests that men who maintain a healthy lifestyle are more likely to be in committed relationships and that these relationships can positively impact their health and well-being. Satisfying relationships and joint health behaviors, such as eating, sleeping, and exercising together, are associated with better health and more substantial concordance between partners.
A truly great partner is one who helps us be the best, healthiest version of ourselves — not perpetuate our vices and indulge in our unhealthy choices. If your partner does not inspire you to be a better person, it may be time to move on and find someone who does.
Desiree Rabuse is a social entrepreneur and Founder and Editor-in-Chief of StyleFox. She's been in the entertainment/media business for over a decade.
