Finding True Love Is Inevitable, If You Know Where To Look
Fall into the flow of love from the inside out.
mimagephotography via Shutterstock A lot of people think they have the recipe for finding true love: a potion, a mantra, or maybe years of therapy. Sometimes they're even wackier. But Francesca Hogi, author of How to Find True Love, is a relationship expert who spent 20 years as a matchmaker. She's got a better plan.
"When it's your bill-paying job to help people with love, you're motivated to help people figure things out!" she told Andrea Miller during an episode of the Getting Open podcast. And, based on what she told Miller, it seems like she is! Here are a few of our favorite lessons from Hogi.
11 ways to make finding love inevitable in your own life
1. Know the flow is always there
Getting some people into relationships is easy; it just flows quickly for them to have an intention, get clarity, and develop the skills to shift their perspective. Then with others, it is always a struggle to find the flow.
So, what is the difference? How do some people struggle to get to a place of ease in finding love?
2. Understand that 'nothing disqualifies you from having the love you want'
mimagephotography via Shutterstock
You can be in the midst of the deepest struggle in your romantic journey, meet an amazing partner, and build a lasting relationship. For love to flow, there is not a place where you have to be perfect, where you don't have any issues, or where you're completely healed.
One of the challenges is we have put romantic love up on a pedestal and set ourselves up to feel disconnected from the very thing we want. The personification of love and the happily ever after myth messes up expectations and how people approach love.
3. Change your low-vibe relationship habits
Many people are so in their heads and thoughts, that they don't realize they don't have to figure everything out by themselves, and other people are waiting for love to find them. Being more present, more grateful, and having an intention that love is truly abundant and people want to help makes it more likely and inevitable love will flow to you.
4. Have a clear intention and connect to a higher, abundant love
An overlooked factor in the love journey is using the power of intention. Understanding how love is truly abundant and your soul is calling you to experience it helps you shift your perspective to your heart and emotions.
Being present, setting intentions, and being more grateful are the things to make love inevitable. Matt Cooke says, "The universe is just a mirror." if you are feeling negative, negativity will come back to you. You have to massively reframe love to be abundant versus love being scarce.
5. Don't be fooled by dating apps
"We're humans and meant to connect with one another in person but we are giving away romantic agency to an app."
One problem with dating apps is we can go through the motions and make choices based on very surface things, so you can't follow what you're being guided by your ability to feel the energy or get any sort of "sense" you might have with someone.
Dr. Helen Fisher says dating apps are meeting apps.
Dating apps don't help you date because if you don't connect with somebody, then the inevitability of not connecting becomes your vibe and is the exact opposite of what you are looking for.
6. Adopt the 'meet-cute' mindset
We need to be more comfortable dating in person and meeting people in person to break the dependency we have on dating apps.
Consider that every time you leave the house you have the potential to meet someone special. When you see the potential, think about how you can have more opportunities to be social.
- Is there a day of the week you could go work at a coffee shop instead of working in your kitchen?
- Is there an opportunity to expand your social circle instead of only hanging out with the same five people?
- Do you have a narrow idea of how and when you can meet someone? You can meet someone at the airport, supermarket, or when you go to walk your dog
- Do you practice flirting in different styles?
7. 'Scan for the positive, and de-emphasize the negative'
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When you're looking for the good, you're looking for what's right, which is a shift in mindset. So often, people have been beaten down by getting ghosted and the toxic dating culture, as shown in Social Psychology Quarterly. They're looking for a reason to say no to love. However, you can be focused on finding the good and still not ignore the red flags when you notice them.
8. Understand the value of long-term flirting
Flirting, at its core, is taking an action to make another person feel seen, special, and acknowledged. In real life, if you want to maintain connection, excitement, and passion, you need an ongoing co-creation, and flirting is that superpower. Flirting is an intention to feel connected and to keep that connection flowing, so to keep the relationship healthy, you need long-term flirting.
9. Allow rejection to be a gift
A big challenge for a lot of women who date men is the conditioning about being chosen and not being too much for a man. A lot of women have the conditioning to be palatable and attractive to men because if they see her as difficult or unattractive, then she is high maintenance.
If you have a belief it is your job to be chosen, then you are going to see yourself as an object that always has to be the shiniest doll on the shelf, versus looking at it as two people who are choosing each other.
In this perspective, rejection is a gift because it lets you know you can't be yourself with a person. If you're with the right person, you can be yourself.
10. Remember that dating skills are love skills, too
Love is a continuum, it's a container you want to keep your relationship going for years, so you need to keep trying new things. The Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience explored how trying new things together releases oxytocin and helps maintain your love bond as a couple.
11. Forget the myth of 'the one'
You could meet love around the next corner, in line at the coffee shop, or anywhere when you are open to it. There is no one person you are destined to meet who will fulfill all of your needs. That is on of the many relationship myths.
As humans, we are far more complex and seek connections with other people in small ways every day. We make eye contact, we chat, and we spend time together, even briefly.
These human exchanges help us feel good, give us positivity, and keep us open to love. So forget the myth of the one, and shift your perspective to being positively open to the flow of love
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.
