10 Odd Behaviors That Actually May Mean Someone's Flirting With You
The strange behaviors that suggest someone's trying to woo you.
Andrej Lišakov | Unsplash I have been called the King of Queenly Obliviousness when it comes to figuring out if men are flirting with me. There have been many occasions in which I have gone on dates I didn’t realize were dates until the guy tried to kiss me.
There have also been quite a few moments where I have mistaken men who were interested in dating me for being taken, and times, where I set up those men with other people not realizing they wanted to date me. Don't make the same mistakes I did — pay attention to these odd behaviors — although I'm not justifying any of them, they may mean someone's flirting with you.
Here are the odd behaviors that mean someone may be flirting with you:
1. They follow you around and don't say anything
There are some people out there who just haven’t gotten to the point where they can be comfortable enough to talk to a person they are attracted to. They want to pursue but don’t dare to say anything.
So, they end up following someone around like sad little puppies hoping the other person will say something first. Unfortunately, this flirting behavior often doesn’t work well and just makes them look clingy.
2. They whine to you about not having a partner
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Most people can tell this is a form of flirting. Even so, if you aren’t sure what’s up, most people will not complain to someone about being single unless they’re hoping that person will help them not be single anymore. (Note: I’m not saying this is an attractive or even healthy way to flirt. I’m just saying some people will try this.)
3. They talk about how they would be such a good partner
Yes, most people do this when they are desperate for anyone to talk to them. However, it’s also a way some people flirt that most direct communicators don’t pick up on.
4. They try to ruin your chances with other people
Yes, it’s just as sick and messed up as it sounds. Yes, they somehow think this constitutes flirting. No, I’d never date them — not even if they were the last person on earth. If you get the feeling that someone would do this to you, run.
Relationship coach Dona Murphy advised to be cautious around jealousy, "Extreme jealousy is ugly and frightening. The lack of trust it expresses can mean death to a relationship. Trust is one of the core supports of a healthy relationship. Without it, things tend to fall hard and fast, and there’s not much left but a greasy smear at the crash site. Destructive jealousy stems from insecurity and/or the need to control another person."
5. They ask you for help in a career field
This happened to several of my friends, who all were willing to talk shop, only to realize that the person in question had no interest in career assistance. It’s just as infuriating and demeaning as you’d expect it to be, and no, it doesn’t work.
6. They talk about how much money they make
Yes, this is a thing some people do, especially when they don’t think they have anything else to offer. I’ve seen this happen with friends and just assumed the flirter in question was just money-oriented. I then asked what tax software they’d suggest, only to be informed by my friends that they were flirting. The flirter in question left.
7. They hold doors open for you
The American Psychological Association Handbook Of Nonverbal Communication showed how a lot of people seem to think doing polite gestures counts as flirting and then are shocked when the person they are interested in doesn’t pick up on their moves.
8. They do ridiculous stunts to impress you
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This is how some (usually young) people try to impress others, often through feats they can’t do without accruing new hospital bills. If you notice repeated injuries, they might be trying to impress a love interest with something idiotic.
9. They act terribly to others in front of you
Perhaps one of the easiest ways to lose someone's attention is also one of the most ridiculous ways people try to flirt. Some people will be purposefully rude to the waiters, or even the person they’re interested in, just in hopes they’ll appear dominant.
Though it's a dead giveaway for how to tell if they are flirting with you, if they are acting rude while talking about how awesome they are, this is probably what they are doing.
Openly being rude is also a red flag in dating, as explained by relationship coach Fabienne Slama, "If the person you're going on a date with is nasty or dismissive to the waiter at the bar or to the coffee shop you are going to, this is a huge red flag. Kindness is an essential value in life and a person that is not kind in the most basic way will probably be unkind to you down the road."
10. They do the 'sensitive parent' act
A lot of people with kids will make a point of trying to show how awesome they are in front of someone they find attractive. I call this Babystalking because, in reality, it usually involves them following around a clueless person with a child while doing the ultra-parent routine.
My dating burnout has had a major effect on this issue, too. Ever since my belief in having someone get butterfly-inducing love for me died, it’s gotten worse. Way worse, to the point it has caused meltdowns in guys, and I’ve had to have friends explain to me what’s going on in front of the poor guy. I can’t help it, either. It just doesn’t register anymore.
While I find this all funny nowadays, the truth is I’m not alone in being oblivious to flirtatious attention. Lots of people, including those on the prowl, miss many of the ways someone can flirt. Have you missed signals around you?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.