10 Tiny Habits I Learned From Pick-Up Artists That Actually Improved My Dating Game
Some pickup artist techniques are not worth trying, but others can make your dating life much more successful.
Cleyder Duque | Canva It's true. I used to be a member of the pickup community, and I used to teach guys how to talk to women. For what it's worth, pickup can be a tool that's used for good, assuming you're using good pickup skills with good intentions.
Though some pickup artist techniques are not worth trying regardless of what gender you are, some habits you can learn from pick-up artists can improve your dating game significantly.
Here are the habits I learned from pick-up artists that improved my dating game:
1. Think of intimacy as a numbers game
One thing that pickup reinforces is the idea of intimacy being a numbers game. If you keep asking, statistically speaking, someone will have to say "Yes." If you get rejected by a guy, just go on to the next one.
Doing so will help you get over rejection quicker and also help you develop a "thicker skin." Besides, you never know what may happen if he sees you don't care about him rejecting you.
2. Memorize a few openers
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Pickup artists actually will learn and memorize "openers" that are supposed to spark a conversation with a girl. This is a pretty smart way to get people talking to you, even if you just want to meet new friends. If you want to network or just meet new people, memorize one or two natural-sounding lines.
The primary goal of an opener is not to be overly charming or witty but to initiate a conversation and create an opportunity to learn more about the person. Research from Evolutionary Psychology explains that a successful pickup approach requires more than a good opener; building rapport, active listening, and genuine conversation are crucial for sustained interaction.
3. Make your intentions clear
There's nothing in a pickup that doesn't say you shouldn't make your interest known. Simply going up to guys, smiling, and saying, "You're cute. We should do something. Give me your number" can work wonders. As long as you don't appear desperate while doing so, it can work.
4. Use flirtatious touching
Kino escalation is also known as flirtatiously touching someone to build up trust or indicate interest. Sometimes, guys just need a hand on the leg before they realize you want them. Go figure, it works.
Flirtatious touching is a powerful nonverbal cue that signals romantic interest and attraction. A 2021 neuroscience study explained it is often used to initiate intimacy and gauge potential compatibility by creating a sense of connection through physical contact, even in subtle ways like a light touch on the arm or a lingering hand brush. It can be a way to test the waters of a potential relationship and convey desire without explicitly saying so.
5. Qualify them
People don't like doormats. They don't like people who have a chronic "yes" in their mouth. So, if you want to make guys feel like you're a challenge, disagree on a few points they make.
Moreover, standing up for yourself if they get too cute on you can also make them want you more. See them start to work to validate your opinions and you can rest assured you've got a good chance with them.
6. Use the 7-hour rule
Pick-up artists tell people to avoid being intimate with a person before spending at least 7 hours with that person. The reason why is that it builds up a bond and also lets you screen them for "crazy." I approve of this method because it prevents you from sleeping with someone you shouldn't be near.
7. Reward good behavior
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People are incredibly malleable when it comes to teaching them how to treat you. By rewarding good behavior, you're way more likely to get people to treat you better every time they see you. Similarly, pulling back when they do something stupid can help them learn that there are consequences.
8. Give peacocking a try
This technique was made famous by self-described master pick-up artist Mystery, and you know what? I'm a fan of it. When you're peacocking, you're dressing up in a way that sets you apart from the average person. This naturally gets attention to you and that is something that helps with finding intimacy and relationships.
Peacocking refers to someone, usually a man, deliberately displaying ostentatious clothing, behavior, or accomplishments to attract attention and stand out from potential competitors. This strategy mimics how a peacock uses its vibrant feathers to attract a mate. Peacocking is a strategy to appear more desirable and catchy by showcasing perceived positive traits, often to attract a romantic partner.
9. Never stop with your self-improvement
Ninety percent of the things that make you unattractive to men can be changed with some self-improvement. You can get a better career, a better body, and a better look. Nothing's stopping you from doing that.
10. Don't overdo it
Here's something that most people don't get about pickup: You can't successfully pick up people if you're infamous for talking to everyone and anyone for attention.
So, your best bet is to talk to a maximum of 5 people per venue, per night. You want that person to see you as choosy, not desperate. After all, you don't want to be someone's last bet, right?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.