3 Must-Have Traits Every Great Partner Brings To The Table, According To Research
Love requires us to rise above the selfish.
Karsten Winegeart | Unsplash By Tor Constantino
As a society, we often confuse physicality and love; however, being great at love is much more than being great at intimacy.
Relationships based solely on physical beauty and intimacy rarely last because the relationship isn't rooted in anything enduring.
One proverb states, "Beauty fades and charm is fleeting," while another bit of ancient wisdom proclaims, "Love endures all."
Based on those two axioms, it stands to reason a relationship based solely on physical intimacy or physical attraction is destined to fade, but love can last.
Here are 3 must-have traits every great partner brings to the table, according to research:
1. Availability
The first necessary "Ability" for ensuring a great love and relationship is the ability to be present and in the moment, mentally, emotionally, and physically for your partner. It's important to note that being available is more than physical proximity.
The hearts of a couple sitting right next to each other can be miles apart. There are long-distance relationships due to the economy, duty, or other circumstances that separate individuals, but the distance doesn't have to equate to doomed love.
Research in Frontiers in Psychology showed the key is maximizing your availability to your partner as much as possible — mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you're available to your mate both mentally and emotionally, you can still be a great lover despite a challenging physical distance.
2. Dependability
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Perhaps the most important "Ability" of any relationship is the ability to earn and keep the trust of your mate. Trust is also one of the most difficult aspects of a relationship to achieve, and it's also the easiest to destroy.
The Gottman Institute found, "When partners do not choose each other day after day, trust and commitment erode away. They may be aware of this disloyalty to each other, but dismiss it because it’s “not as bad as an affair.” This is false. Anything that violates a committed relationship’s contract of mutual trust, respect, and protection can be disastrous."
Yet dependability is an easy concept to understand. It necessitates you're someone who can be relied upon, you keep your word, you follow through on promises, and you're worthy of trust.
Betrayal is a violation of dependability and trust, and few relationships can survive a pattern of bad behavior. Maybe that's why Dante’s Inferno reserves the last circle for those who have betrayed a special relationship, as explained by in the Association of Departments of English Bulletin.
3. Accountability
All of us make mistakes in our relationships, but if you want your love to last you must have the ability to fess up, admit your mistakes, and apologize — quickly.
Accountability to one another is critical to long-term success in any relationship. It’s about mutual understanding, shared expectations, as well as individually accepting the consequences and outcomes of our own actions or words.
But as individuals, we tend to be notoriously selfish. I know I'm more apt to blame someone else for my mistakes and shortfalls, even when I'm obviously at fault. That's because I’m human and you are, too.
"Take responsibility for your thoughts and your actions. You are the person in charge of your life, no one else can live your life for you. You can't control what other people do but you can control how you react to them. You can no longer use the excuse that someone else's bad behavior excuses your own," advised relationship coach Virginia Clark.
Accountability and love require us to rise above that selfish, individual nature and consider the needs of others first.
Each of these "abilities" is much easier to write about than to put into practice; however, each is necessary to ensure the durability and immutability of a great relationship.
Tor Constantino is a former journalist, speaker, and best-selling author with 25+ years of experience as a professional writer. He has appeared in Good Men Project, Entrepreneur.com, Forbes, Fortune, BusinessInsider, Success.com, TIME, USAToday, and Yahoo!