9 Behaviors Of Men Who Are Destined To Grow Old Lonely And Emotionally Drained, According To Research
While anyone can feel isolated at some point, certain behaviors significantly increase the risk of growing old alone.
Photo: StockLite | Canva Pro Loneliness and emotional burnout in old age doesn’t happen overnight — it’s often the result of habits and behaviors that push people away rather than bring them closer. While anyone can feel isolated at some point, certain behaviors significantly increase the risk of growing old alone.
Understanding it requires a keen eye for subtle signs and behaviors, especially when identifying unhappiness and loneliness. The most surprising signs may be the most obvious, sometimes the most difficult to recognize.
Here are 10 behaviors of men who are destined to grow old lonely and emotionally drained, according to research:
1. He shows no interest in meeting his partner's family or friends
Perhaps he’s met a few of your close friends out of necessity or at parties, but he never wants to have parties or attend big functions with you. Forget about weddings or funerals; he always manages to have an excuse for why he can’t attend.
2. He doesn’t make any long-term plans
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He pretty much avoids talking about the future completely. He certainly never brings up the subject to you.
So, let’s say you are thinking about applying for a job that might take you out of state. You hem and haw, but find your way to talking around the topic with him. He shows mild interest but makes sure to keep himself out of your decision to move or not.
A partner's lack of long-term planning can lead to feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and potential relationship issues, including emotional distance and communication breakdown. Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship. A 2017 study recommended discussing your needs, expectations, and concerns with your partner to avoid misunderstandings and build a stronger connection.
3. He keeps his partner at arm's length
After your lease ends and you explain how much money you could both save if you move in together, he says you can move in with him. He does recommend you also get a storage space for your large items because he already has all the furniture that you will need. When it comes to space for your clothes, he cleans off a few shelves and a corner of the coat closet.
4. He doesn’t work on his relationships
Your friend tells you about a great new relationship book that helped her and her husband become closer. Your boyfriend scoffs at the pop psychology sound of the title and admonishes that he doesn’t have time to waste on talking through relationship conflicts. He insists there’s nothing you guys need to work on.
A man who does not put effort into a relationship can lead to increased stress, feelings of loneliness, decreased self-esteem, and a decline in relationship satisfaction. A 2015 study cautioned that the unequal distribution of effort can lead to resentment and frustration, creating further distance and making communication more difficult.
5. He doesn’t show physical affection in public
You’ve noticed recently that your boyfriend doesn’t hold your hand in public much anymore. When you try to kiss or hug him, he acts annoyed and pulls away. You’ve tried talking to him about it, but he always brushes the topic off as unimportant.
6. He doesn’t discuss finances
You don’t know how much money he makes, and he hasn’t ever shown any interest in your career or how big or small your salary is. At first, you thought that was cool because it showed that neither of you cared so much about money, but lately, you’ve noticed it’s more like he is being secretive about his financial situation as opposed to not paying money much mind.
According to a 2024 study, a man's reluctance to discuss finances with his partner can lead to increased financial stress, relationship conflict, and potential financial infidelity, impacting both mental health and the overall relationship dynamic. If money is a constant source of conflict, it can erode intimacy, communication, and overall relationship satisfaction.
7. He keeps his emotions to himself
You feel a sense of chilliness about him when it comes to sharing feelings. He avoids discussing serious topics with you and is never open to exploring emotionally complex ideas. He says he loves you but avoids mentioning specifics about how he feels.
8. He doesn’t discuss his work life with anyone
You know his boss’s name and a few of his close colleagues, but you’ve never met them. You know his position title and have a vague sense of what he does at work every day, but you really don’t understand any of the intricacies of his profession or even know what his hopes are for the future in terms of major career goals.
A man's reluctance to discuss his work life can lead to increased stress, isolation, and potentially harmful mental health outcomes stemming from societal expectations around masculinity and the fear of appearing weak or vulnerable. A 2022 study cautioned that men may struggle to identify and address workplace problems without open communication, leading to further stress and potentially affecting their careers.
9. He doesn’t remember special dates
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Birthday? Anniversary of your first date? Do all these dates just vanish from his memory if you don’t remind him?
There’s a distinct possibility that the importance of these dates is not that apparent to him. True, some of us have trouble remembering dates, but if he forgets all the important ones, you may just not be high on his priority level.
10. He doesn’t make you feel important
This is the biggie. There are so many small ways that your boyfriend can let you know that you are important to him. It’s not brain science. If you often find yourself questioning if you are important in his life, chances are that you are not.
Overall, if your boyfriend gives you the impression in little ways that he’s not taking you seriously or not investing enough in your life, then the odds are that he does not plan on marrying you.
Of course, people can change their minds and go through life-changing transformations. It’s up to you to decide how much time, hope, and effort you are willing to invest into a relationship that may feel rather one-sided and will, more often than not, end without marriage ever being a possibility.
Research indicates that a man not making his partner feel important can lead to decreased self-esteem, relationship problems, and mental health issues like stress, anxiety, and even depression, impacting both partners' well-being. Over time, a partner may become withdrawn or develop resentment as they struggle to cope with the lack of emotional support and validation.
Sheila Hageman is a writer who has appeared on The Today Show, ABC News, NBC News, and programs with Bill Cunningham and Anderson Cooper. Her writing has been featured on Salon, Mamalode, Mom Babble, and The Huffington Post.