Divorced People Who Never Want To Marry Again Usually Have These 10 Good Reasons
The reasons why people have no desire to get remarried.
Joshua Seiler | Shutterstock Marriage isn't always a fairytale. Despite how easy others make it seem, the pain of betrayal or the buildup of resentment sometimes makes it challenging to let bygones be bygones. Consequently, divorced individuals who prefer not to marry again often have valid reasons.
Although their marriage had its moments, the journey of divorce and the insights gained along the way might have led them to feel that marriage isn't for them anymore. While this may seem sad at first glance, it's important to recognize the positive sides of being single that often go unnoticed, especially by those who are divorced and have no interest in marrying again.
Divorced people who never want to marry again usually have these 10 good reasons:
1. The freedom of being single is too good to pass up
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Divorced people who never want to marry again usually don't because the freedom of being single is too good to pass up. There's no more incredible feeling than being single. Despite popular belief, being single allows people to explore themselves on a deeper level.
No longer carrying the weight of someone else on their shoulder, this person can finally take time to heal and figure out what they truly want for themselves. According to licensed clinical psychologist and author Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D., "Divorce, while painful, can be an opportunity to grow, heal, and rediscover yourself." That being said, divorce isn't easy.
The heavy weight of feeling like they failed or feeling lonely is also an unpleasant side effect. Still, by having a strong support system and truly focusing on themselves, anyone can find joy in the freedom singleness offers. No longer needing to consult others for approval, these individuals can finally march by the beat of their drums.
2. They're emotionally independent now
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While getting a divorce isn't always easy, sometimes it's necessary. From constantly needing their partner's validation to feeling too possessive or controlling over their partner, there is a point where emotional dependency crosses over to toxicity. Because of this, divorced people who never want to marry again don't because they're finally emotionally independent now.
Many marriages struggle with emotional dependence. Arguably, even the healthiest marriages still can't find the boundaries necessary to create independence. Even worse, emotional dependency has become all too common in modern-day society. With friendships dwindling and people becoming less close to family members, it is no wonder that emotional dependency is running rampant. After all, some people only have their partners to depend on to fulfill their socialization needs.
But despite this being the new norm, there are real issues about how toxic this mindset can be. According to a study published in BioMed Research International, emotional dependency can increase aggression, leading to abusive and toxic behaviors. So, while people might roll their eyes at those who are divorced, these individuals understand the importance of emotional independence, which is why they have such a hard time giving it up.
3. They don't want to compromise anymore
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It takes two to make a marriage work, yet divorced people who never want to marry again aren't too keen on compromising again. Now, to be fair, compromising is unavoidable. Whether it's in friendships or at work, there will always come a point where compromising is absolutely necessary.
That being said, there are ways to limit the number of times people have to compromise. In the comfort of their home, divorced people aren't fond of the idea of giving up their freedom of choice in favor of getting remarried. This is probably why they avoid getting remarried.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Amy Smith, Ph.D., LMFT, CFLE, "Compromise is hard. But it is possible to find solutions that work for both people in many situations." While some might believe that this is worth it in the end, others who are enjoying their life of freedom don't want to have that freedom revoked, even if others think they're being unfair because of this mentality.
4. They don't want anything to get in the way of their goals
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From work goals to financial goals, everyone has something they want to obtain. Unfortunately, things like marriage can get in the way. For instance, someone can't just travel and do whatever they please. From going out to parties to a cruise with their friends, consulting with their spouse is necessary.
This is why divorced people who never want to marry again usually don't: They're focused on their goals. With the freedom to do whatever they please, these individuals use their time wisely. From building up businesses to going back to school, divorced people don't have the time or energy to put into another marriage.
Instead, they're choosing their own happiness and finding joy in the goals that they set and accomplish. Professor and writer Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A. added, "Being single can offer you the freedom to help you grow and better understand yourself and your interests." So, while it might sound 'shallow' for some, there's a true joy in doing what makes people happy. Even if it's hard, there's no greater feeling than standing on their own two feet and doing what they set out to do.
5. They don't feel like they can trust anyone again
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Nowadays, it seems like everyone has trust issues. From friendship breakups to toxic family members, it isn't just divorced people who struggle to let others in. Trauma comes in all forms and can be challenging to let go of. Still, this doesn't change the fact that divorced people who never want to marry again usually don't because they have a hard time letting other people in.
Trust issues stem from trauma that hasn't been addressed. According to practicing psychologist and author Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., "Interpersonal traumas leave their legacy through enduring beliefs and patterns of behavior that make it more difficult for you to find and maintain genuinely loving and authentic relationships." And while many people know where their trauma stems from, many people also refuse to get help. This isn't great, as refusing to get help can lead to worsening trauma, effectively making people shut everyone out.
This is often the result of isolation, which, according to a study published in 2015, is dangerous as it can lead to depression, poor sleep quality, poor cardiovascular function, impaired immunity, and impaired executive function. So, what should people do if they struggle to let people in? While going to therapy in person might be a good option, other alternatives, like phone therapy or group support therapy, are also great options.
6. They don't want to be someone's 'other half'
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Divorced people who never want to marry again usually don't want to be someone's other half. If someone has ever had the misfortune of going through Instagram, they've likely seen the cute story posts captioned "My other half." Not thinking much of it, most people will simply continue swiping, as this phrase is all too common to utter.
However, viewing someone only as another person's other half can become very suffocating. Like anything in life, there's a deep need for balance. Viewing oneself only as an extension of another person can strip away one's identity and make one even more dependent on that relationship.
According to licensed psychotherapist Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW, this type of relationship is bound to make someone feel frustrated, exhausted, and unfulfilled. That being said, people who were already married know this better than anyone. This is why, as much as they'd like to start dating again, they're equally hesitant. They don't want to lose themselves again by gluing themselves to one person.
7. They're afraid of repeating the same mistakes
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It's unavoidable to get into an argument with someone. Whether it's a close friend or a coworker, these arguments are learning lessons on what people should and shouldn't do differently. That being said, divorced people who never want to marry again usually don't want to repeat the same mistakes.
In a toxic marriage, there is no such thing as learning. Both people are convinced that their own perspectives are correct and, as a result, refuse to change their minds for the sake of making peace. Unfortunately, all this does is cause more resentment to build, leading to contempt and eventual divorce, according to the Gottman Institute.
Divorced people stay single and refuse to settle down again to avoid this. Hurt and traumatized by their prior experiences, these people will avoid getting hitched again to protect their peace. Now, is this the best decision for them to make? No, however, as it stands, these individuals are on a healing journey and don't want to regress to their prior selves.
8. They want to live a drama-free life
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After their marriage ends in divorce, there's no better feeling than the relief of letting go of the toxicity that once plagued their lives. From feeling as if they'll never measure up to dealing with their partner's uncontrollable anger, divorced people who never want to marry again usually want to live a drama-free life.
Many people underestimate the importance of peace. However, having a peaceful and drama-free life is often the difference between thriving and failing. According to therapist Louise Taylor, Ph.D., "Peace is good for our mental health, our relationships, and our future."
That being said, getting to the point of being drama-free is far from easy. Cutting off toxic people isn't just a one-two-three process. Being married to a genuinely toxic or narcissistic partner often involves thousands of dollars wasted and many court hearings that end nowhere. So, people can't blame divorced people if they don't want to get married again. The drama isn't worth it.
9. They refuse to merge finances with anyone
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When people think about marriage, what often crosses their minds? For some, it might be spending years together with their best friend. For others, it might be traveling the world or having kids together. Though marriage is a great thing, one aspect that isn't talked about is the merging of finances.
Unfortunately, marriage isn't all about how much someone loves someone. There are other things to consider, like how much debt someone has or how much money they make. That being said, many people actively push away the conversation of merging finances until it's too late. This can lead to someone destroying their finances in return, especially when it comes to divorce and splitting up property.
So, while refusing to marry again might sound silly for others, for those who have been divorced, it's a real issue that has likely impacted them personally. Because of this, many divorced people are fearful of getting married again, not wanting to go down the rabbit hole of ruining their finances.
10. They don't believe in marriage anymore
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Marriage is a beautiful journey when done with the right person. However, marriage isn't always seen as butterflies and rainbows for those who have gone through divorce. Unlike the rest of the people, divorced people who never want to marry again don't have the best views on marriage. Call them negative, but they understand how difficult marriage can be.
From paying thousands of dollars to 'fix their marriage' to feeling miserable and unseen for years on end, a marriage that's gone wrong can completely ruin people's self-esteem and mental health. As a result, divorced people refuse to take another risk on marriage and instead, opt to spend their energy on their friends and family.
On the outside, this way of life might sound lonely for the average person. After all, coming home to an empty house can sometimes be a little stifling. However, this occasional loneliness isn't enough to deter someone from living their best lives all alone. Despite the difficulties, being single can truly be a healing journey for many individuals who have been unhappily married for many years. So, regardless of what others say, divorced people should continue to live the life that makes them most happy — a relationship or no relationship.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
