Couples With A Mix Of These 7 Personality Traits Most Likely To Get Divorced, According To Research
Common personality traits can lead to divorce.
dimaberlinphotos | Canva The odds feel stacked against married couples before the first “I do’s” are even said. So many different behaviors or scenarios can upend your relationship. One of the best things to do is protect ourselves with knowledge of personality traits, which, left unchecked, can doom a marriage.
We all have bad habits and by understanding the worst ones, we can better recognize our faults, hold ourselves accountable, and be the best partner possible. In trying to better ourselves, we shake the looming specter of divorce from our minds and focus on the future joy of marriage.
According to psychologists, relationship experts, divorce lawyers, and research, here are some of the most common personality traits that can lead to divorce.
Here are the personality traits of couples most likely to get divorced, according to research:
1. Catastrophizing
When one partner tends to take little incidents and blow them out of proportion, it can slowly wear away the marriage. And, in many cases, these incidents are insignificant but magnified by anxiety and depression.
David Gonet, an Illinois-based family lawyer, reports cases of clients filing for divorce for such things as having a spouse come home late for work or forgetting to pick up dry cleaning.
“In severe cases, I have had clients suffering from catastrophizing file for divorce from their spouse on three separate occasions,” Gonet says. “A harmless event leads the client to file for divorce, during the divorce, the client realizes that they overreacted, and the client dismisses the divorce. The next harmless event precipitates the same course of action, file for divorce, realize they overreacted, dismiss the divorce.”
2. Materialism
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Studies in The Family and Consumer Sciences Research Journal have shown that when one or both partners in a marriage have a propensity for wanting more and/or buying more, it can be a surefire marriage killer.
“In today’s world, women work hard and earn a lot but they always expect the man to work harder and earn more,” says Chicago divorce lawyer Russell D. Knight. “If a woman consistently out-earns her partner she will slowly begin to resent him if she judges her life based on material things such as money.”
3. Compulsive caregiving
This would seem like a good quality, but when one partner is excessively giving to another, it can be a sign of emotional distance and a subtle way of trying to assert control in the relationship. This can lead to feelings of resentment, and isolation, and, ultimately, pave the way for divorce.
The message starts as "I am giving to you because I care for you; and winds up ‘I am not taking anything from you, ergo you have nothing of value to offer,” says Mark B. Borg, Jr., Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of Relationship Sanity: Creating and Maintaining Healthy Relationships.
“Over-giving is a powerful defense against building mutuality and equality in relationships, disallows the establishment of intimacy and empathy and leaves people in marriage feeling isolated.”
4. Argument avoidance
Disagreements are essential for a marriage. It’s important to get grievances out in the open and, when done effectively, can help to work through issues and improve communication.
However, when arguments are avoided in a relationship, things are left unresolved, and the relationship can’t progress. This leads to unhappiness.
As relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein says, “Relationships can be saved without that focus and hard work that someone who is avoiding arguments might not be prepared to give.”
5. A fragile ego
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Deep insecurities can sow the seeds for marital upheaval because the insecure person might try and find external means of resolving those insecurities, as suggested by research in Social Science & Medicine.
One of those external means could be attention from another person, which is the first step on the road to infidelity — emotional or otherwise.
“When life settles and there are just two people living side by side,” says Goldstein, “the fragile ego will find another one to be stroked by, in more ways than one.”
6. Narcissism
Research from The Journal of Family Psychology explored how the risk of divorce among narcissistic people is very high, predominantly because of their inability to see reality when it comes to the balance of relationship roles.
Very often, when something goes wrong or there is any kind of conflict, a narcissist tends to play the victim.
“Someone who is always playing victim coupled with a grandiose sense of self might not have the empowerment and control to fix things when the relationship is at risk,” says Goldstein. “How can someone fix things if they won’t take responsibility for their role in the first place?”
7. Selfishness
Selfishness and narcissism seem like they might be the same, but the difference is everyone has a bit of selfishness in them and everyone has times when they might put their own needs ahead of their spouse’s, as supported by research in Frontiers in Psychology.
Problems can arise when this behavior becomes habitual and the partner continually makes the other one feel useless.
“Being selfish has a shelf life in a marriage, and only so much love will keep someone around,” says Goldstein. “However, when [selfishness] is hurtful towards someone else, things can start to go downhill.”
Jeremy Brown is a writer and editor. His writing has appeared in many magazines, websites, and newspapers around the world and he has authored special issues for TV Guide and the Discovery Channel, among more.