11 Rare Signs You Picked The Right Person To Marry
If the person you married makes you feel these things, you're one of the extra lucky ones.
dekazigzag / Shutterstock There’s no automatic guarantee in any relationship. Sometimes, the people we choose to build a life with end up being the wrong person for us. Finding a partner who fulfills you isn’t easy, which is why it’s valuable to pay attention to the rare signs you picked the right person to marry.
Marriage is about so much more than the glitz and glamor of your wedding day. It’s about everything that comes after you say “I do” — all the ups and downs and unexpected turns. If you and your spouse are committed to the journey, no matter where it takes you, it’s a rare sign you picked the right person to marry.
Here are 11 rare signs you picked the right person to marry
1. You can sit together in comfortable silence
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A rare sign you picked the right person to marry is that you can sit together in comfortable silence without feeling pressured to speak. You can talk about anything and you genuinely enjoy hearing their thoughts, but you can also share space without talking, and just be quiet together.
Oftentimes, the impulse to fill the silence comes from a fearful place. We experience a deep-seated anxiety that makes us think we have to prove ourselves, even to the people we love most. The ability to exist in comfortable silence shows that you feel a sense of security and ease, which is a rare sign you picked the right person to marry.
2. They think your imperfections are beautiful
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Another sign you picked the right person to marry is that they find beauty in your imperfections. They appreciate you for your full self, which means they accept you for exactly who you are, and they don’t try to fix you or push you to change. Sure, the way you make a mess of the kitchen every time you cook makes them a little crazy, and your tendency to be late isn’t their favorite thing in the world, but they love you because you’re you, in the truest sense of the word.
They see the value in your flaws, even when you don’t. They encourage you to embrace yourself completely, and the way they accept you, with their whole heart helps you love yourself a little more.
3. You feel safe opening up to them
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If you feel safe enough to be open, even about the hard things, it’s a sign you picked the right person to marry. Vulnerability is never an easy endeavor, even with someone you’re married to.
All too often, our instinct is to hide our darker side from view because we’re worried we’ll lose the people we love if we share that part of ourselves. Yet the strength of any relationship hinges on opening up to each other, as social worker Terry Gaspard revealed.
“Opening up to our partner can make us feel vulnerable and exposed, but vulnerability in a relationship is the most important ingredient of having a trusting, intimate companion,” she explained. “For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel that they are needed and appreciated for the support they give.”
Gaspard acknowledged the fear that often accompanies vulnerability, noting, “If we have been let down in the past, the prospect of needing someone can be frightening.”
“The ultimate risk is allowing yourself to fall in love, which requires letting go of control and of the fear of being hurt or abandoned,” she continued. “While all relationships present risks, they are risks worth taking.”
4. They remember the little things
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Another rare sign you picked the right person to marry is that they pay attention to the little things. They remember the stories you told them on your first date, and they remember how they felt that night, as you shared parts of your past and hopes for your future. They remember that you love gummy worms but hate gummy bears, and they buy some from you every time they go to a gas station.
So much of life is about the little things: the way they wake up before you and make sure to have coffee brewing by the time your alarm goes off. The way they water the plants, because you always forget. The way we show up for the people we love has less to do with any relationship philosophy than it does with being present and making the decision, over and over, to keep being present.
5. They support you when you’re at your lowest
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A rare sign you picked the right person to marry is that they support you even when you’re at your lowest point. They don’t detach or shut down or run away because things are difficult. They stay by your side, a steady presence through the storm.
They remind you that no feeling is forever, and that this, too, shall pass. When you’ve lost sight of yourself, they pull you back, just by being there with you. They understand that relationships are built on give and take, and they know that the support they offer, without conditions, is something you’ll provide for them, whenever they need it. They don’t define you by your lows, but they let you have them. They validate your emotions without trying to fix how you feel, which is a rare sign you picked the right person to marry.
6. Doing boring things with them isn’t actually boring
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Another rare sign you picked the right person to marry is that doing boring things together isn’t actually boring. Adulting is full of things we don’t really want to do, like paying bills and folding laundry or loading and unloading the dishwasher. It’s easy to let the more mundane parts of life drag us down, but if you picked the right person to marry, the unavoidable monotony isn’t so bad, and sometimes, it’s even fun.
You don’t mind going grocery shopping if they’re with you, because they offer a running commentary on every kind of sugar cereal and they tap dance down the aisles to whatever song is playing. Household chores become a shared experience, and you know that every boring thing you do together is a way to show your love in action.
7. Their weird matches your weird
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A rare sign you picked the right person to marry is that your brand of weird compliments their weird in the best way. Your relationship is anchored by the silly moments you have together, the ones no else would understand.
The fabric of your love is stitched with inside jokes and idiosyncrasies. You don’t have to justify your love of drinking pickle brine straight from the jar and they don’t have to explain their no-socks-in-bed rule. Every time they sing medieval ballads to your dog, you feel your love grow. You can be the weirdest, most authentic versions of yourselves together. The strange joys you share bring you closer, a rare sign you’re just right for each other.
8. They challenge you in a respectful way
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Another rare sign you picked the right person to marry is that they challenge you in a respectful way. They hold space for you, just as you are, while gently pushing you to be your best self. They ask you questions that lead you to explore why you think the way you do. They push back when you’re overly critical of yourself and challenge you to show yourself the compassion and care you show them.
Your relationship is based on mutual respect, which gives you the foundation you need to trust each other. Trusting someone means acknowledging we’re fallible, but there’s no way for real love to exist without trust.
As relationship coach Jordan Gray pointed out, “distrust may keep you somewhat protected from potential attacks, but it is exhaustingly heavy to carry around with you 24/7.”
He shared that trust requires people to “make plans for the future and build longer-term commitments.”
“Be willing to stay put,” Gray advised. “Put down roots. It will serve your growing sense of trust well.”
He quoted Ernest Hemingway, who said that “The best way to find out if you can trust anybody is to trust them.”
“Leap. Love. Be fully you,” Gray concluded, because being your fullest self is the entry point to all good, strong loves.
9. You share a vision for the future
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If you and your spouse share a vision for the future, it’s a rare sign you picked the right person to marry. Having common goals is essential for any lasting relationship, otherwise, you detach from each other and drift apart.
It’s also important for each half of a couple to hold onto their own hopes and dreams, so they don’t lose their sense of self in the marriage. You might not picture your future unfolding in exactly the same way, but how you want to live aligns with how they want to live. You’re both willing to consider a wide range of opportunities and you’re open to meeting in the middle when it comes time to make a final decision. They don’t try to talk you out of going back to grad school or insist you stay in a studio apartment in Brooklyn for the next 50 years.
The things you want matter to them, and you make plans to grow together, without losing yourselves in the process.
10. They handle hard moments with grace
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A rare sign you picked the right person to marry is that they can handle hard moments with grace. On the surface, love might appear as a shiny, immaculate entity, but the truth is that real love is rooted in the hard stuff. Aiming for perfection keeps people at a distance. Diving headfirst into the things that embarrass you creates a deeper sense of intimacy, and that sense of connection is what keeps relationships strong.
Psychotherapist Heather Hans revealed that sharing common yet embarrassing relationship issues deepens the bonds of partnership. “Relationship problems surface when we become preoccupied with presenting an idealized image of ourselves, so we spend more energy trying to maintain a fantasy of who we want to be than we do bonding with and enjoying our beloved as we are,” she explained.
Hans recognized that this particular kind of openness is hard to approach. Yet when you voice your embarrassment, “it causes the other person to have more compassion and react more gently.”
“As uncomfortable as embarrassment can be, exposing those vulnerable aspects of ourselves is what makes us lovable,” she continued. “It shows the other person you are more alike than you are different and lets them know you trust them enough to be authentic in their presence.”
“Embarrassment shows your humanity, and when you are willing to expose it to the person you love and feel certain is worthy of your trust, your relationship can become deeper and stronger than ever,” Hans concluded.
11. You laugh together, even when life is difficult
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Laughing together, even when life is hard, is a rare sign you picked the right person to marry. If they’re able to find even the smallest silver linings in an otherwise dark time, it shows that they run on hope and happiness. Their optimism isn’t the “positive vibes only” kind, but rather, a quiet recognition that seeing humor in hardship is a way to reach the other side.
An article from the journal “Personal Relationships” analyzed the correlation between humor and relationship satisfaction, noting that “Playfulness between romantic partners is a crucial component in bonding and establishing relational security.”
“Laughter, particularly shared laughter, is an important indicator of romantic attraction… and is associated with relational quality, closeness, and support in established relationships,” the author explained. “Private jokes and playfulness create a shared space — a home where risks can be taken, and departures from the mundane are welcomed.”
In less technical terms, laughing together brings couples closer, and being able to access a current of humor over the course of your relationship makes your connection stronger.
“Shared humor affirms each partner’s values and perspective,” the author stated. “The feeling that someone gets your jokes means they get you too.”
Knowing someone deeply and being known by them is the ultimate gift of any loving, affirming relationship. That feeling doesn’t exist for everyone, and if you have it, it’s a rare sign you picked the right person to marry.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.