I'm A Catholic Priest — 6 Non-Obvious Qualities You Need In A Husband To Make Your Marriage Last
How to truly pick the right partner meant for you, according to a clergyman.
adamkaz | Canva My husband and I attended Pre-Cana (a Catholic marriage prep course) because of our moms. We were both raised in the Roman Catholic faith, and it was important to them that we were married in the church. In the end, however, we ended up hiring a celebrant to do the deed, as we were both uncomfortable with organized religion. I must admit, though: those Catholics do know a thing or two about love.
Three years later, we still sometimes turn to our Pre-Cana workbook. It provokes discussion and enables us to communicate about our marriage in ways that never would have occurred to us without it (um, rationally and maturely). But you don't have to sit through a marriage prep course to glean valuable lessons from a wiser-than-thou Catholic priest. Because Father Pat Connor — a Catholic priest for more than 50 years — has written the book on love. In Whom Not To Marry, Connor shares tips on what you should be looking for in a husband. Here are five tips that are dead-on accurate.
I'm a Catholic priest, and here are six qualities you need in a husband to make your marriage last:
1. He builds you in front of other people, never tears you down
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock
Does he make passive/aggressive comments about your eating habits? Take small jabs at your wardrobe choices. Put you down in front of friends and family simply to get a laugh?
If you're with someone who's slowly chipping away at your self-confidence, for the love of God, run. You deserve better than that. Specifically, you deserve someone who makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, beautiful and amazing, smart, accomplished, and loved.
2. He accepts responsibility for his actions and know how to apologize
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
Fighting is healthy. Arguments force both halves of a couple to address the things they're unhappy about within their relationship and move toward making things right.
But if one person always has to win or consistently insists on believing that he did no wrong, there's no room for improvement, and the other half of the couple will eventually grow resentful. Not the healthiest foundation to build a relationship upon.
The crucial role of husbands accepting responsibility for their actions in a healthy marriage is to foster trust, promote open communication, reduce conflict, and strengthen the overall relationship by demonstrating accountability and willingness to work on issues together. A
lack of responsibility can lead to resentment and damage the emotional bond between partners. A study published in the Clinical Psychology Review found that many couples therapy models focus on teaching partners to communicate effectively by accepting responsibility for their behaviors.
3. He gets along with your friends and family — or at least attempts to
Rawpixel.com | Shutterstock
If a man consistently clashes with those who are most important to you, pledging your life to him will only lead to more agitation down the road. Conversely, if a man seems to easily get along with everyone you introduce him to, you've probably got a keeper.
Such social ease can be a sign that he is warm, friendly, and open to making the people in your life a part of his.
4. He values and respects your opinion
AYO Production | Shutterstock
If he doesn't value your opinion, is unwilling to compromise because his way is the only way, and nitpicks over everything you do, you just have to ask: what does he see in me?
Marriages should be built upon mutual respect. Look for someone who appreciates you, and everything you bring to the table. The critical role of a husband respecting his wife in a healthy marriage indicates that a lack of respect can significantly contribute to marital dissatisfaction, conflict, and even divorce.
A 2019 study from Cambridge University cited respect as a foundational element in building trust, intimacy, and overall relationship well-being. Couples who demonstrate mutual respect are better equipped to navigate conflicts constructively and reach compromises.
5. He does what he says he's going to do
dekazigzag | Shutterstock
Trust is one of the top good qualities in a man and is always included in the list of qualities in a husband. Trusting your man means you can share anything with him without judgment. Trust also helps you increase vulnerability and love.
He arrives on time, is where he says he will be, and keeps his word about what he thinks he will do. Dependability also builds deep trust. Being able to consistently rely on them, trusting that they will follow through on their promises, commitments, and actions, signifies a reliable and trustworthy presence in the relationship. It's about knowing you can count on them to be there when needed, whether in big or small situations.
6. He doesn't lose his mind over lost luggage
Yuri A | Shutterstock
Maya Angelou once pointed out that "you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas lights."
Patience plays a crucial role in a successful marriage. It allows couples to navigate challenges, build stronger connections, and foster greater marital satisfaction by enabling understanding, forgiveness, and effective communication during difficult times. A 2020 analysis published by BMC Psychology found that patience is vital in managing conflicts, allowing partners to calmly listen to each other's perspectives before reacting impulsively, leading to more constructive solutions.
If he repeatedly loses his temper over the small things, how is he going to handle the important stuff? And what will happen when he loses patience with you? On another note, both of you should have the patience to get to know each other before tying the knot. Because issues like the ones above only tend to emerge after the honeymoon period.
Steph Auteri is a freelance writer and editor. She's been featured in Playgirl, Time Out New York, American Curves, New York Press, Nerve, and other publications.