9 Boring Conversations The Strongest Married Couples Have Regularly, According To Research
The hard conversations that need to be had.

We get it: life can get soul-crushingly boring and feel like an endless loop of sameness. But, still, it’s amazing that couples find themselves needing things to talk about.
There are so many topics to discuss, both not very important (Are scallion pancakes a perfect food? How do you think they make the punches in Indiana Jones sound so satisfying?) and very important (What about the world scares you the most? Do you want to move closer to your parents someday?).
The list goes on and on. And, of course, there are several boring conversations that couples should have regularly to keep their marriage happy and healthy: finances, their love life, their day, and the issues they’re facing.
While the conversations might seem insignificant — or, let’s face it, a bit boring — they’re essential to making sure you’re on the same wavelength and that your relationship stays strong. So, read up and ask away.
If you and your partner have these boring conversations regularly, your relationship is stronger than most:
1. Their day
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“So, how was your day?” Sounds cliché right? We think so too. But, that doesn’t mean it’s not important.
Asking about your partner’s day is a way to tell them that you care what their life is like when you’re not around. It means you’re curious about their world — their wins, their losses, the soggy egg sandwich they ate, but still kind of enjoyed because the bread was good and fought the sogginess.
The key is not leaving it at that question. Press for context. Understand the nuance. Listen. And when you’re asked, no pleading the fifth: think of something to say. Start a conversation. Invite them into your world.
2. Their intimacy
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Despite the urgings of Salt-N-Pepa, we Americans are notoriously bad about talking about intimacy. That needs to change.
“When you aren’t talking about intimacy, you’re only scratching the surface of what experiences you could be having and the amount of pleasure you could be experiencing,” Stella Harris, an educator, intimacy coach author, and instructor told us. “We don’t mind readers and honestly, that’s probably for the best.”
In other words, if you’re not talking about intimacy, you’re not going to get better at it. Talking is especially important for parents.
“Bodies change. Even if you thought you knew what your partner was into before, there’s a good chance what their body is up for has changed,” says Harris. “This is really the time when you need to talk about maybe doing new things. You’re not going to stumble into it by accident."
Couples openly discussing intimacy in their relationships significantly contribute to greater relationship satisfaction, improved communication, and overall emotional well-being. A 2022 study concluded that it is a cornerstone for a strong, lasting bond by fostering a deep connection and understanding between partners.
3. Their appreciation of one another
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A simple note, text message, or compliment can go a long way in a relationship. Just letting your spouse know that he or she is appreciated and that their efforts aren’t going unnoticed can help them to feel validated and understood.
“The number one correlation with happiness in couples is the number of appreciations they give to each other,” Jonathan Robinson, a couple’s therapist and author of the book More Love, Less Conflict: A Communication Playbook For Couples told us. “We forget to do daily appreciations.”
4. The division of household labor
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There’s never going to be a true, 50-50 split of the household labor. Schedules change. Workloads vary.
But, couples should constantly touch base about who’s doing what around the house because when they don’t, that’s when resentment builds and a simple conversation about one dirty dish on the counter turns into a gigantic fight about something far more.
Due to societal expectations, men often have a lack of awareness about the amount of work both visible and invisible that women take on. Having regular conversations about splitting chores, handling household tasks and parenting is crucial to a happy marriage.
Openly discussing the division of household chores, including seemingly minor things like chair placement, is crucial for a healthy relationship because it directly impacts feelings of fairness and equity, leading to higher relationship satisfaction when couples perceive a balanced distribution of responsibilities.
According to a 2023 study, an unequal division of labor in a marriage can lead to resentment and conflict, even if the tasks seem insignificant.
5. Their inside jokes
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Inside jokes are silly, but that’s the point. Life as parents is busy and stressful and without little reminders of why you’re living a life with this person or of the simpler, carefree days before your biggest concern was how to get squeeze yogurt out of the cracks in the car seat, life becomes less enjoyable.
Inside jokes are a reminder that, while not every day you spend together has been perfect, they’ve been better, because you’ve spent them together.
6. Their finances
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Relationships work better when finances aren’t secret. Much, much better. You need to be honest about money to build a life together. Budgets. Savings.
But, there’s hope. It’s possible to talk about finances without crippling anxiety, vicious recriminations, or despair. You just need to approach the conversation carefully.
Whenever you start talking about money, you need to take the right tone. Don’t be accusatory or condescending. Nobody wants to talk finance with an angry man. Focus on facts and look for solutions.
“You want to put your cards out on the table like these are the facts,” says New Jersey-based accountant Tracy Beveridge. “Then the two of you can decide what needs to be fixed, what can be fixed, and what you can do to fix it — if there is something that needs to be fixed.”
Once you clear the first financial talk hurdle, subsequent money talks get easier. With that newfound comfort over talking money with your spouse, take the opportunity to get more detailed in your presentations.
Open and frequent communication about finances is crucial for a healthy relationship. It fosters trust and understanding and reduces stress by allowing couples to navigate financial challenges together.
A 2024 study showed that couples openly discussing money have higher relationship satisfaction than those who avoid such conversations. Financial intimacy is considered vital for a strong partnership.
7. Their problems
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It’s tempting to not discuss any problems with your partner, especially when you have young children. You can handle them, right?
But without explaining the issues that are bothering you — bad bosses, massive workloads, anxieties about the world — it’s tough for your partner to know your headspace or offer advice.
Burying worries and head-downing only works for so long. Should you be mindful of what your partner is dealing with and hold off on venting about work, because they got thrown up not once, but five times today? Yeah. It’s a give-and-take. But, it’s important to not keep issues bottled up.
8. Their future plans
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This is about talking about things that excite you — that vacation coming up, the movie you’re excited to see, sure. But, this is also about: What kind of life do you look forward to? What kind of life do you wish for our kids? Where do you see our family in five years or ten years?
Without regular conversations about the years to come, you’ll miss out on the beautiful art of shared dreaming and bonding over some possible, glistening future, but also being dialed in.
Without sharing thoughts about plans, there’s no way to know, say, what you need to save or be blindsided by the fact that your wife wants to move closer to her parents next year. The last thing you want to happen is to be one of those couples that’s on different pages or, much worse, reading separate books.
Discussing plans with a partner is crucial for relationship satisfaction. A 2018 study concluded that it fosters a sense of shared goals, commitment, and alignment of expectations, ultimately leading to more stability and connection within the partnership. Neglecting such conversations can result in misunderstandings and potential conflicts due to differing visions for the future.
9. Their memories
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There’s an episode of South Park where the writers poke fun at our cultural obsession with pop culture nostalgia by creating a product known as Member Berries. The grape-like fruit constantly talks about things they remember fondly (“Member Chewbacca?”) and people become helplessly addicted to their jabbering on about remembrances past.
But, for couples, it’s important to think back on wonderful vacations or funny things the baby did to gain perspective — and keep from losing it during stressful times. These are moments you shared that, if not addressed, will fade.
Fatherly is a website covering relationships, marriage, and love.