Woman Asks If She Should ‘Step Aside’ So Her Fiancé Can Be With Her Sister Instead — ‘Maybe He’d Be Happier’
“I love him so much, but what if he’s just settling for me?”
ShotPrime Studio | Shutterstock Everyone experiences insecurities at some point in a relationship. Few would go so far as to think they should essentially hand off their fiancé to someone else, though.
One woman, however, was considering doing just that and encouraging her sister and fiancé to be together instead. She believed that she was standing in the way of what would be a better relationship.
The woman wondered if she should 'step aside' because her fiancé would be better off with her sister.
In a since-deleted Reddit post, the 25-year-old woman shared that she has been engaged for just one month, and is already having doubts.
Prompted by her family's meddling, she's concerned that she's not the right person — or family member — for her fiancé.
While she thinks her fiancé is “amazing,” she also feels that way about her sister, Tara.
“Tara is everything I’m not,” she stated. “She’s beautiful, smart, outgoing, and, honestly, the type of woman that turns heads wherever she goes.”
The woman's family agrees that her fiancé and her sister would make a better match.
“She’s always been the favorite in our family, my parents adore her and she’s always making them proud,” the woman wrote. “Ever since my fiancé came into the picture, it’s like my family has started hinting that they think he’d be happier with her.”
“When I first introduced him to my family, they couldn’t stop talking about how perfect he is,” she continued. “At first, I thought it was just normal family excitement, but it’s gotten kind of weird.”
The Redditor said that her mom repeatedly pointed out how much her fiancé and Tara have in common and Tara, herself, said that he was "the perfect guy." Her dad commented that the pair would make a "power couple" and even joked that she was holding her fiancé back as "Tara’s more on his level."
“I know Tara is incredible, and honestly, I’m just not sure I’m the right person for him,” the woman admitted, adding that he's "kind, thoughtful, successful, and way out of my league."
To make matters worse, Tara has been spending a lot of time with her sister’s fiancé, much to her family’s delight.
“She’ll ask him to help with things like fixing her computer or moving furniture, and when I offer to come, she says, ‘No, it’s fine, I just need him for a quick favor,’” the bride-to-be recounted. “They have been spending time at the gym and attend similar events due to having similar jobs.”
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Although her family insists that it's nice that the soon-to-be in-laws are bonding, the woman can't help but feel insecure and uncertain.
The woman believes that her family has her best interest at heart, but she can’t shake their comments.
“I know they mean well, but it’s really starting to mess with my head,” she admitted. “My fiancé loves me, I know he does, but I can’t help but think that maybe he’d be happier with someone like Tara. They’re both so similar, and I feel like I’m just not good enough.”
She continued, “I’ve been thinking [that] maybe it would be better for everyone if I just stepped aside. I don’t want to hold him back from being with someone who’s actually his equal. My family already seems to think they’re better suited for each other, and honestly, I feel like I’m the odd one out in my own relationship.”
While she seems willing to forgive her family and maybe even ditch her fiancé, many people online pointed out just how hurtful and mean the comments were and encouraged her to speak with her fiancé before making any rash decisions.
"You don’t get to decide who’s better for him. That’s his decision. And he chose you," one commenter insisted. "Your family’s horrible for making you feel this way. I’m so sorry that they did. You are more than worthy of all the love that is currently yours."
The Redditor is right — this woman must talk to her fiancé, as this should not be a unilateral decision.
This woman is clearly insecure in her relationship, and her family isn't helping.
The woman who wrote this Reddit post struggled with feeling secure in her relationship. According to VeryWell Health, this can be caused by low self-esteem, which makes one “not believe they are worthy of the love or support of their partner.” This can hugely affect a relationship, even leading to its end.
In this case, instead of helping, her family is only further damaging the relationship by repeatedly planting seeds of self-doubt in her mind.
Many commenters encouraged the woman to seek therapy and set boundaries with her family. Until she becomes more secure and understands that she is worthy of love, her well-being and relationship will continue to suffer.
"You need to realize that you are deserving of good things," one commenter wrote. "Therapy can help with your self-confidence and realizing that your family has not been supportive or healthy for you."
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.