5 Habits That Signal A Lack Of Security In A Relationship, According To Psychology
You're not alone in feeling insecure in your relationship.
g-stockstudio | Canva Ask 100 different people what they’re insecure about and you're likely to get 100 different answers. It’s a sad truth that everyone is insecure about something.
Sometimes, these insecurities get in the way of healthy aspects of our lives. It can be really difficult to push them aside and focus on the present moment.
Here are 5 habits that signal a lack of security in a relationship, according to psychology:
1. You find it hard to be happy for your partner
When your partner accomplishes something big or small, it’s a natural response to be happy for them. Their achievements are your achievements, right?
Well, probably not if you’re insecure.
You might be too focused on feeling like you’re not doing enough in your life. There’s a certain level of comparison that inevitably shows itself when you’re insecure.
If you can’t bring yourself to share in your partner’s joy, this is a sign that you lack self-confidence and fear that his success will overshadow you. I’ll be the first to tell you, this is no way to strengthen a relationship.
2. You get jealous when he spends time with other people
Letting your partner have relationships outside of the one he has with you may take a lot of courage. When you’re insecure, you have a persistent worry that if you’re not the center of attention at all times, your partner will lose interest.
This heavily connects to the way you feel about yourself. Are you afraid that you’re not worthy of being loved? Do you often question whether or not your partner likes you?
If you answered yes to these questions, it’s safe to assume that your insecurities bring about jealousy when your partner is with friends and family.
3. The love your partner shows you isn't enough
Supposing your boyfriend is loving and affectionate, there might be something off if you don’t fully believe his words and actions. Be aware of your reply to “I love you” being “do you really?”
The expectations we hold for our partners can be unattainable. There has to be a point where the love he gives you is enough to assure you.
Otherwise, he’ll be overwhelmed by your constant need for reassurance. You must believe in yourself that what he says is the truth. It’s time you start letting a surprise date be a symbol of his love — what more do you need?
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. A date is a date, and is even more important the longer a couple has been together. One study from the Institute For Family Studies showed that going on regular date nights meant a couple was happier and more likely to stay together.
4. You’re afraid to be without them
If the thought of going a long time without your partner makes you incredibly anxious, this might be a sign that you’re insecure in yourself. Do you doubt you have the strength it would take to be on your own for a while?
Long-distance relationships are not easy for anyone. But it’s important to know that you’d survive it if you had to.
According to a study that surveyed 1,000 Americans who had been in long-distance relationships, 58% of said they enjoyed a successful relationship.
Just because you’re not with your partner in person, doesn’t mean that the Earth will stop moving. It’s best to be confident on your own and not place such a high importance on your partner. If they’re ever not in your life, you will still have you and that’s pretty great.
5. You contemplate ending things even if you’re happy
The negative impact of overthinking is going to be more prevalent if you’re insecure in your relationship. Although you may be happy with your partner, it can be easy to psych yourself into thinking that you can’t handle the challenges of a relationship.
This shows that you are letting self-doubt and fear take the lead. When you’re insecure about the bravery you possess, you think it might be easier to just break up with your boyfriend.
However, you shouldn’t give in to what’s easiest, because you are strong enough to get through what’s hardest.
Not all hope is lost in overcoming your insecurities in a relationship. It’s possible to gain the confidence needed to be secure in yourself.
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Isabella Pacinelli is a freelance writer and marketing manager who covers astrology, spirituality, love, and relationships.