Engaged Woman Refuses To Attend Her Sister's Wedding After She Tried To Convince Her Fiancé He 'Could Do Better'
"I don't know if I can pretend that everything is okay for her big day."
ViDI Studio | Shutterstock.com While family relationships, especially amongst siblings, can be tumultuous at the best of times, this Reddit woman’s experience with her sister takes resentment to an entirely new level.
Not only did her sister try to ruin her engagement, calling her fiancé “too good” for her own sister, but she also urged him to “see other people” and even condemned her character and personality behind her back.
“She doubled down,” the Reddit woman wrote in her post, “saying that if I was confident in my relationship, I wouldn’t be so upset.” Understandably hurt, the woman has since refused to attend her sister’s wedding.
An engaged woman refused to attend her sister’s wedding after she tried to break up her and her fiancé’s relationship.
“My 31-year-old sister ‘Ella’ is getting married in two weeks,” the 28-year-old Reddit poster explained. “We’ve always been close, even though we have our differences. I’ve always been more laid-back…while Ella is the life of the party and loves being the center of attention.”
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While their personalities were much different growing up, she wrote that it’s never put a strain on their relationship — up until recently. “I’ve been engaged to my fiancé ‘Mark’ for about a year. He's wonderful… My family has always liked him, or so I thought.”
After her older sister asked to take her fiancé to coffee a few weeks ago under the guise of picking out a gift for her, she quickly realized that her family had an entirely different view of him than she’d thought — that was equally offensive and disappointing.
Not only did this woman’s sister try to convince her fiancé to ‘call off’ their engagement, she suggested he was ‘too good’ for her.
After her fiancé came home from coffee with her sister, she said she sensed something was wrong.
“He was really quiet," she wrote. "After some coaxing, he finally told me what happened… 'Ella' spent the entire time trying to convince him that I wasn’t right for him.”
Not only did her sister allegedly bring up her character as an introvert, calling her “too boring” for her fiancé, but she argued that he could “do better” than her.
“She went as far as to suggest that he should call off the engagement and see other people,” she added. “Mark was completely blindsided and upset — he said he defended me, but it was clear [she] was relentless.”
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Caught off guard by her sister’s comments about her, she didn’t hold back in calling her out a few days later. “I told her that she was completely out of line and hurtful,” she wrote. “When I asked her why she thought it was her place to interfere in our relationship, she just shrugged and said she was being honest.”
I was furious when I found out. I confronted Ella, and she didn’t even deny it. She said she was "just looking out for Mark" and that she "wants the best for him." When I asked her why she thought it was her place to interfere in our relationship, she just shrugged and said she was being honest.”
Clearly unable to change her sister’s mind about their relationship and truthfully not feeling like she needed to, she decided to take a step back. She refused to attend her sister’s upcoming wedding and essentially went “no contact” with her.
Commenters urged the woman to stand her ground and not let guilt change her decision.
“She didn’t apologize… Since then, I’ve barely spoken to her. My parents found out about the situation… they’re begging me to still attend the wedding,” she wrote. “They think that missing it would cause a huge rift in the family.”
Continuing in her post, this Reddit woman said that she’s unsure if it’s possible, or even healthy, to just “let it go,” given the severity of her sister’s comments — and readers under her post seemed to agree, celebrating her in creating distance.
“Narcissists and bad people… bank on the fact that your reaction to their toxic behavior will be viewed as an overreaction, and then they try to pin the blame on you,” one person theorized. “This is especially true in family dynamics, with this ridiculous belief that somehow being related by blood gives someone a free pass to be rude.”
The people in your inner circle, including friends and family, should love you unconditionally and support you through all of your relationships, struggles, and dilemmas. While it might be easy to slip back into toxic routines and mindsets in relationships like adult siblings, that doesn’t excuse lacking support or betrayal.
‘I don’t blame you for wanting to create space with her,” another wrote. “Even family shouldn't be excused for breaking trust or mistreating you like that… She belittled you and tried ruining your relationship. Why would you celebrate hers after that?”
Ultimately, if the bride-to-be truly felt that her sister's relationship wasn't healthy, she should have talked to her sibling about it — not her fiancé. Psychology Today noted that when it comes to adult siblings, "roughly half speak to or see one another about once a month; the other half communicate less frequently or not at all, and they are more likely to engage in competition and rivalry."
What that basically means is sibling disagreements are normal. The outlet went on to stress, however, that " in healthy sibling rivalries, children can be both good companions and good opponents with each other. In unhealthy rivalries, there is only enmity."
These sisters need to examine their relationship and see where they fall. For now, this sister is doing the right thing by protecting her relationship and her peace by putting some distance between her and her sibling.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories