8 Signs You're Dealing With A Disloyal Person Who Will Stab You In The Back, According To Research
How you can protect yourself before someone betrays you.
Kelly Sikkema | Unsplash Did you ever get blindsided by disloyal people who seemed like they might stab you in the back? Yeah, I think most of us have been. In certain companies I worked for, backstabbing and betrayal were the way to get ahead for many people.
Along with a nice, healthy dose of workplace-related trauma, I got a superpower from working in these places. I became a superhero when it came to my "betrayal Spidey sense."
A lot of people in my life recently had a moment where they were blindsided by people — or otherwise heavily betrayed by others they had a nagging suspicion about. Knowing this, I decided to write an article to help you avoid a betrayal sooner rather than later.
After all, knowledge is power. And if you get an inkling that someone might betray you soon, you can find a way to minimize the damage it does to you. These signs are the ones that tend to give away a betrayal before (or while) it happens.
Here are the signs you're dealing with a disloyal person who will stab you in the back:
1. They aren’t acting quite like themselves
Whenever someone is about to betray someone, particularly when that person was good to them, they start acting a little funny. This is something that I call "masking."
Why? They’re trying to mask what they’re about to do. They may also feel guilty about it, so they often will try to comfort the person pre-emptively or come up with a "reason" to betray the person.
What does masking look like? It can have several faces. This includes:
- The girlfriend who keeps accusing the guy of cheating on her. Psst. She’s cheating. Projection is one of the most common forms of masking.
- The coworker who used to be gregarious but suddenly quiets down in your presence. They know something is up, but they won’t tell you.
- The coworker who used to be mean to you, but all of a sudden is nice. This is especially true if the person has reason to want to hurt you, such as jealousy.
- The friend whose speech suddenly becomes stifled and stunted. I notice this a lot with people who are afraid of confrontation. They may make small remarks, have one-word replies, or just make dead-end comments where there’s no real reply you can give.
2. Their story changes or doesn’t make sense
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This is a classic. People who are lying to you (or are priming you for a betrayal) can’t stick to a story. As a result, they trip over their lies. Sometimes they keep things vague or have too much detail in their stories.
If they don’t answer the question, they often will stonewall you or start a fight just to get you away from the topic at hand. Be prepared to see them change the subject when they start tripping stuff up.
Pro tip: Gaslighting is a form of this. They are trying to change your idea of reality so it jives with what they want to do.
When someone's story changes each time you ask them about it, it's often a sign that they are lying or trying to fabricate a narrative. This inconsistency in details can indicate deception, as truthful people tend to provide consistent accounts across retellings. Research by The Newport Institute explained that seeking further verification from other sources or expressing concerns about the inconsistencies might be appropriate depending on the situation.
3. They’ve burned others around you
I’ve learned that people who betray others often have little issue doing it to you, too. This is why you shouldn’t hang out with people who trash-talk others. You can bet that they’ll do the same to you.
On a similar note, if someone has a reputation for being a cheater or a toxic person, it often pays off to heed those warnings.
4. They avoid you out of nowhere
Did the person in question start to pull away from you? Does it feel like they are trying to avoid contacting you?
If they suddenly pull back, block you on social media, and seem to find reasons to avoid you, this can be a warning sign.
It could also mean that they want to cease the friendship with you or cease the relationship. At times, it can also mean they are angry with you or that they are going through their hardships.
However, if this is very out of character for them and you’ve been getting a bad vibe from it all, be careful. This could mean they have been doing something nasty to you without you knowing. That’s doubly true if they do a 180 and start getting mean with you.
As someone who’s been there, if you notice multiple people doing this around you, it’s time to get out now or prepare to leave. This usually means someone is spreading rumors about you or that they are all about to reveal themselves as pieces of garbage.
A 2021 study found that this is generally considered a significant warning sign that something is wrong, and they may not want to continue the romantic, platonic, or professional relationship. It could indicate a desire to distance themselves, potential conflict, or even a form of manipulation. If you need to understand why they are pulling away, consider sending a respectful message asking if they want to talk about what's happening.
5. They feel envious of you or see you as competition
Life is not a race where someone comes in the first place and the rest lose. It’s not, even when other people try to make it to be that way.
However, that doesn’t mean that people won’t act like you winning means them losing. Oh, people can get very ugly when they view you as a competitor.
More often than not, the person who did you dirty sees you as a rival or threat. That’s their way of "undercutting the competition."
The best way to deal with people who envy you or feel jealous of you is to ignore them, remove as much chance of sabotage as you can, and steer clear of them. What they think of themselves as they stand next to you is not your business.
6. They have serious insecurity issues
Insecurity and viewing others as a threat go hand in hand. The absolute worst behavior I’ve seen in people came from people who were insecure about themselves — and that includes turning against people who want to help them.
Think about it. A scarily large percentage of people cheat because they want to feel good about themselves or know "they still got it." That’s insecurity at work. If they were confident about their work, then it wouldn't be that big a deal.
Insecurity creates incentives to make a person betray others and push others down in a desperate bid to feel good about themselves. The more insecure they are, the stronger that push to put other people down tends to be.
A 2018 study indicated a strong link between disloyalty and insecurity. It suggests that individuals with insecure attachment styles are more likely to experience feelings of distrust and vulnerability, which can lead them to act disloyally in relationships. This behavior often stems from a fear of abandonment or rejection and can manifest as infidelity, gossip, or withholding information.
7. They have a serious incentive to betray you
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I see this a lot in workplaces. If a betrayal of a coworker means that a person will get a raise, many people will make that move. If you pile on financial stress, it quickly becomes an "of course, I will." This isn’t just a workplace thing, obviously.
Remember Anne Frank? It’s alleged that a Jewish neighbor who was working for the Nazis was the one who betrayed her family. The neighbor, though Jewish, was never sent to a camp. It could be that his safety sparked him to betray her, though we may never know.
With that said, a lot of betrayals are done because people are "just following orders." That’s never an excuse, and Nuremberg proves it.
8. They give you a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach
Did you know that your "gut feeling" actually does come from your gut? I swear, it’s a thing.
And it also is a thing that was brought to us through the miracle of evolution — it’s there to keep us alive.
If you start feeling like something isn’t quite right, it could be your gut’s way of telling you to watch out. This is something that you should trust, especially if it’s a feeling you can’t shake.
Your subconscious is telling you that not everything is like it seems. Trusting your intuition is a smart move these days, especially when it comes to situations that could mpact you.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.