Men Who Don't Care About Anyone But Themselves Have These 11 Questionable Traits
Someone treating you this badly doesn't love you.
Yash Mevawala | Unsplash I used to be one of those people who legitimately would delude herself about the guys she dated. Every other sentence would start with, “Well, he’s not that bad.” Or, worse, “You just don’t see what I see in him. He has potential and I really see us going places.”
If a guy never pitched in, that was not an issue. Rather, I just would pick up the slack and assume he’d do better next time.
Here’s the thing: the guys I dated were horrible. They never cared about me as a person unless I was supplying them with intimacy, money, or whatever control they wanted. The guys would use me up and then leave me to find a new victim. Of course, this always blindsided me.
Though I may have stopped believing in love, for me that doesn’t mean that has to be what you need to do. What you do need to do, though, is be realistic about the people you’re dating and cut them loose if they’re not good. If you find yourself doing anything of the following actions, you are definitely deluding yourself and need to walk away from the person.
Men who don't care about anyone but themselves have these 11 questionable traits:
1. He always has an excuse
Bad behavior really has no excuse, even if he’s “going through some stuff,” is “angry,” or “had a troubled past.” Some of the kindest, most docile people I ever met used to be homeless, were CPS cases and were in devastatingly abusive relationships. They never use their pasts as an excuse.
If he’s acting like a jerk or stringing you along, you need to be aware that there’s no excuse for his behavior, no matter what you say. If he sucks, he sucks, and you need to drop him.
2. He doesn’t believe other guys would date you
Yuri A / Shutterstock
Been there, done that, bought the entire tourist stand. Trust me, I wanted more than anything to have a loving husband of my own. I know how bad it feels. But it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who hurts you. It may be hard to believe, but it’s true.
Prioritizing well-being is paramount, and staying alone to avoid harmful relationships is often a better choice than being in a relationship that negatively impacts your mental and emotional health. A 2020 study indicated that individuals in unhealthy relationships tend to experience lower life satisfaction and emotional well-being compared to those who are single or in fulfilling relationships.
3. He lies about your status to impress people
Been there, too. At this point, you’re trying to just hope that someone sees your relationship as impressive. People know you’re talking up your partner and that’s okay as long as your partner is good to you. If he’s not, you’re just hurting yourself.
4. He can count on you to ignore any subtle signs of infidelity
No, he didn’t install Tinder for friends. You know that, so stop pretending it’s not what it is.
An article by the University of Denver explained that people might refuse to acknowledge evidence of their partner's cheating due to denial, fear of facing the truth, or a desire to maintain the relationship, even if it's damaged. The prospect of a breakup or a significant change in their life can be frightening, leading to denial.
5. He refuses to acknowledge your relationship in public
Do you literally have to be the one to tell people that you’re dating? Do you constantly feel like you need to drag him toward commitment, kicking and screaming?
Let. Him. Go. Have a little pride and just walk away. At this point, it’s not a relationship; it’s a tug of war.
6. He needs to be bargained for or bribed to be affectionate with you
I have seen this a lot with friends who were stuck in dead bedroom situations, and they still believed that their partner loved them despite showing no affection, no interest in intimacy, and open hostility to them. It usually takes a bunch of people sitting them down and telling them that this isn’t normal, nor is it salvageable, for them to decide to dump them.
Don’t wait until people have an intervention. If you literally beg, plead, and cry for affection and attention, one of the signs he's not the one and it’s best to leave. Trust me when I say, at the very least, most people will at least find intimacy once they’re single.
Repeatedly having to beg a partner for affection can lead to frustration, resentment, and a weakening relationship due to the cumulative effect of unmet needs and the perception of being undervalued. Gottman's research on relationship dynamics highlights the importance of bids for connection, which are small gestures or requests for attention and engagement. When these bids are consistently ignored, it can damage the relationship.
7. People have begged her to dump him and he still won't change
PattyPhoto / Shutterstock
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if a friend actually is telling you to dump him, it’s because his actions are alarming enough for them to be worried about your well-being. Most people will bite their tongues when it comes to a person’s partner because they don’t want to lose the person. If people are risking that to try to save you, listen to them.
8. The relationship dynamics are skewed in his favor
In most cases, the delusional ones are doing 90 percent of the work in relationships, while the jerks only do about 10 percent. If you find yourself bending over backward to try to make him stay/commit/love you, you’re fooling yourself. As hard as it is to acknowledge, love can’t be negotiated that way.
Bending over backward to commit to someone can stem from various factors, including people-pleasing tendencies, attachment styles, and a fear of rejection or abandonment. A 2016 study concluded that this can lead to unhealthy dynamics in relationships. While it can be a tool for managing behavior, it can also be used as a form of manipulation, mainly to exploit someone's insecurities or vulnerabilities.
9. He doesn't make it easy to get to know him
Do you know his hobbies, his issues at work, or other major things? If you don’t then, you may be seeing him as a Manic Pixie Dream Guy. That’s not a good sign, honey.
10. He lies about himself
This is just as bad as seeing him as a Manic Pixie Dream Guy because you can’t keep up the charade forever. This is literally setting yourself up for failure. Why do that to yourself?
Lying, even to oneself, can have negative consequences, potentially impacting self-esteem, trust, and overall well-being. This is particularly true in romantic relationships, where honesty is crucial for intimacy and lasting connections. Research shows that people with a tendency to conceal the truth are more preoccupied with their lie and experience higher levels of negative emotions, potentially impacting both mental and physical health.
11. He's only happy when he's in a relationship
Been there, done that, and also bought that tourist stand of merch. Trust me when I say it’s just better not to get involved unless you want to be involved with a specific person.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.
If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474, or log onto thehotline.org.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.