4 Reasons Ex-Boyfriends Come Crawling Back
Control what you can control and let the rest go.
FG Trade Latin | Canva Ex-boyfriends are notorious for attempting to get back in touch at the most convenient times — think holidays, birthdays, and (the dreaded) anniversary dates. I get it. You're still single, he's (obviously) still cute, and he swoops in at just the right time (when you're feeling lonely and nostalgic). And then he disappears just when you think things might be good. It's heartbreak central all over again.
Four reasons ex-boyfriends keep crawling back
1. Because you keep questioning "what could have been"
Until you meet “the one,” every guy you've been to in the past will leave you with that question, "What if?" because until you meet the right guy, the last guy that pulled your heartstrings will feel like the best you have had so far, even if things were far from perfect.
I've yet to meet someone who left a bad relationship, truly healed and said that they regretted leaving that relationship. So do yourself a favor and stick with your reason for leaving in the first place. Trust your gut and move on.
2. Because you keep replying to his texts and phone calls
As hurtful as this might sound, men will typically continue communication with someone, not because they care, but because you're just someone to talk to and you keep replying. Why? Because you're filling that emotional (or physical) void for the time being. Are you sleeping with him still? Telling him about your day or talking to him about his other relationships?
Research by Kayleigh Jordan Mahoney, DePaul University suggests as long as there is a need being filled on your part or his, there will always be contact. So, if you are filling a void in yourself or him, move on and focus on gaining a new, healthier relationship with someone else.
3. Because you're sending mixed signals
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Just as you are wriggling your way past him, his charm, and what you liked about him, he stirs up all those emotions again. He wants you, but he's not ready. You miss him, but you don't want to deal with his issues, as explored by a study published in Interpersona Journal. He wants to be in a better place before making the two of you work.
The mixed signals confuse both of you and are a sign of your unstable relationship (which is why you both broke it off to begin with). Take those signals and, make a decision to go one way or the other, and then stick with it.
4. Because he's feeding off of your high emotions
You've got to get off the emotional roller coaster. Research published in Frontiers in Psychology helps show how any relationship that is inconsistent and full of highs and lows is like a drug, it's addicting. You have to let go and make a clear-cut decision: "I want a loving relationship with a great guy." To get what you want with the right guy, you must let go of the old.
It's so much easier to create a new, working relationship than it is to fix what is broken. You've already ended things, so stick to your guns and tell him, “Sorry — I value myself, and I want more than this. I don’t want to waste my time and effort constantly trying to correct an old pattern. We have a broken relationship. Goodbye.”
Lorna Poole is an international coach and professional speaker. She empowers women to love beyond fear, pain, and regret to attract the partner they truly deserve.