7 Painfully Honest Reasons You're Still Very Single
Being alone can be frustrating.
Meruyert Gonullu | Unsplash Love can be frustrating and sometimes seem impossible. Staying single can become a recurring nightmare. Most of the time, the reason we are still single has nothing to do with the guy sitting opposite us, but it does have to do with how we view love and ourselves. This view can lead us into a vicious cycle of self-sabotage, which ultimately keeps love at a distance and the idea of falling in love far away.
Here are 7 painfully honest reasons you're still very single:
1. You don’t believe in love.
The fact you don’t believe in love can hold you back from meeting the guy you always wanted. You believe it would be great to meet someone one day, but you don’t believe it could happen. And because you don’t believe, you tend not to make an effort when it comes to finding love, you just wait around wishing and hoping your situation will change someday.
Deep down at your core, you simply don’t believe in love. You believe the whole happily-ever-after thing is a joke. It is not real, you will get bored, he doesn’t exist, or every guy has something wrong with him. So, time and time again, you pass up perfectly good men because something about the situation is just not right.
2. You're fearful of who you might turn into if you fall in love.
Everyone has parts of themselves they love to share with others our fun, happy positive selves. When we fall in love, initially we become very vulnerable, we are excited to spend time with the person we are most attracted to. We want that person to see us at our best. We also have parts of ourselves we don’t love so much, the parts where we are scared, negative, and needy. The fear of being viewed as ugly in the eyes of another whether that is physical or personal scares us. Jealously, lack of trust, fear of commitment, and any other skeleton you have hidden in the closet will rear its ugly head. Only by facing our fears and what we don’t like about ourselves can true love present itself. This is why dating regularly is good for you. It allows you to grow and evolve.
3. You keep holding on to a grudge from the past.
Billions of people all over the world blame something from outside of themselves for their current circumstances their parents’ divorce, fighting, cheating, lack of trust, or emotional and physical abuse as reasons why they cannot find love in the present moment. There is a link between childhood experience and life repeating itself in your adult years, but you must let the past go if you truly want to find love and give a single status up. Anything from the past you have a deep emotional charge to will recreate itself in your current surroundings so remember to let go of the past.
4. You are too hard on yourself.
You have fallen into the trap of I am not good enough, and there is something wrong with me syndrome. If a guy rejects you, you believe it is because of something you did wrong or you are not pretty enough. If this is your struggle, you must take a deep look at the beliefs you are telling yourself and question if the beliefs are true or not. Ask yourself, "Are these just old tapes you have been playing in your head for far too long?" The only way to break free from this cycle is to be aware of your habits, do the personal work to turn this around, and decide to be kind and gentle to yourself.
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5. Your expectation of love is unrealistic.
Unfortunately, society and media can give a distorted view of what love is. We are brainwashed from childhood to believe stories of happy endings and everything in life is always rosy and perfect. It is better to let go of this view and realize the perfect man opposite you is going to be annoying sometimes. There are things you won't always like about him because love is a journey filled with ups and downs. Your expectations of love and real life must be realistic. It is a matter of choice to love.
6. You thrive on the highs and lows.
Oh, how the chemistry and physical appearance of a handsome man with his warm arms wrapped around you on a stolen night can drive you with the lust for love. The excitement of when you will meet again and the burning desire to be with him can send you on a euphoric rush that lasts for days even weeks. I spent years living the highs of life traveling for 15 years and immersing in my relationships. I would go overboard for a man who loved to play games and keep me guessing. Then when the fun and games were over and he had moved on, I found myself wallowing in self-pity as my world would become consumed with loneliness, longing, and sadness for what might have been. Living on a rollercoaster of highs and lows will keep you single because you will wait for the next big hit again.
7. You don’t know how to be in a relationship.
Finally, you meet that guy you want to be in a relationship with, and you pace up and down the room and wonder what to do about it. You anticipate if he likes you if he will ask you out, and what the future holds. You spend endless hours obsessing about how to behave when you next spend time with him. And as the relationship evolves, you fret about how to deal with everything, such as the conversation about whether you are a couple. When to move in together, how to act, and how to behave. Being in a relationship scares you and knowing what to do seems impossible. My best advice is to go with the flow and keep busy when you feel like this. You are better than you think and you know how to be in a relationship, you have been practicing for years.
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Staying single is sometimes more of a battle with the mind than it has to do with an outside source. So, acknowledge your fears, worries, and concerns. Let me reassure you. Everybody, to some degree, suffers the same thoughts that consume your mind. It is perfectly natural to fear relationships, after all, it is a big commitment, but I can reassure you if you want to give up your single status, the best approach is to take the jump and dive in to find love. After all, love is a choice. What are you waiting for?
Lorna Poole is an international coach and professional speaker. She empowers women to love beyond fear, pain, and regret to attract the partner they truly deserve.