5 Painfully Honest Reasons You Stay In Crappy Relationships
Don't make excuses to stay in a relationship that isn't working.
Jacob Lund, Tiero | Canva One of the biggest mistakes we can make when we're single is settling with the wrong person. They're kind of on par with what we want, and we feel like we just have to at this point. That is the worst thing you can do, and it never works out. There will always be a nagging doubt in the back of your mind asking you, "Is this what you want? A relationship that's just good enough?"
Everybody navigates these scenarios at some point in their lives. But at what point are you just making excuses to stay in a relationship that is not working?
Here are 5 painfully honest reasons you stay in crappy relationships:
1. Because you're pregnant.
So many women find themselves in an accidental pregnancy with someone they're not in love with and decide to stay with them. They say they're "going to try and make it work." Here's a harsh piece of advice: staying with somebody out of obligation, guilt, or shame never works out.
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You will always think things would be different if only you were with someone else. You're fooling yourself if you think you're still not pining over having "the man of your dreams," just because you decide to stay with the wrong person who happened to get you pregnant.
If you’re pregnant, and he's not what you want, take the risk. End the relationship for the better. You will find the guy who will love you for you and your little one, too. To stay in a dead-end marriage because you feel you "should" is not the answer for you or a child.
2. Everyone (except you) likes him.
Fear of upsetting your family and friends over a disagreement is a struggle for a lot of people, even ones who don't live at home anymore. Our family and friends have a great influence on us, what we can achieve, and what we believe is right for us. So take note that your family and friends have your best interests at heart when it comes to love, but make your own decision.
You're the one who has to live with him for the next 30 years, after all, not your sister who thinks he's "funny."
3. You think he's too good for you, and you're afraid to leave.
Fearful you will never meet the guy you will actually like, you settle with the nice boy. The boy who says nice things at the kitchen table and gives your mom a chuckle. The guy who is all set to marry you.
Your married friends tell you to go ahead because they want to see you settled with a family like them. They want to see you as happy as they are, and this guy is the one to make it happen. But you define happiness for yourself. Don't settle for the good guy. Settle for the good guy you have genuine feelings for. Something like this can withstand a marriage.
4. He put a spell on you.
I dated a guy, I remember I wasn't into him, but I kissed him, and he kept wanting to see me. The relationship happened very quickly. He was always around like my knight in shining armor. Eventually, we moved in together.
But he was a bar-fighter. I was in debt. He hurt our dog, and I eventually became scared of what he would do to me. I was under his spell. He was incredibly angry all the time, and I started to fantasize about how I could escape this person with whom I had become so entangled.
I eventually made an excuse to visit family and called him from far away, far enough to feel safe. I told him I wanted to end it all. Five days later, I went up with my sister and got all my stuff out of the house. I rescued the dog. I left a lot of things behind, but I didn't leave my dignity.
If you’re reading this, get out, escape. You can do it, I did.
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5. You don't want to feel like you wasted precious time.
You've invested in things together and joined your bank accounts. You have a mortgage. Maybe you're both invested in parenting your kid.
You have invested so much in the relationship you feel it would be impossible to leave. This is very common. No matter the hurt they inflict on you, you've convinced yourself leaving would be even harder to endure. It's not that you can't get out. You have to ask yourself, “When am I going to get up the courage to get out?”
These are just some of the gut-wrenching scenarios women get into and don’t know how to get out of. I write from my experience. This is not to scare you but to make you think about your situation. I hope it can give you a little hope you can change your situation with strength and bravery.
Life is a choice, and you have the power to change it all.
Lorna Poole is an international coach and professional speaker. She empowers women to love beyond fear, pain, and regret to attract the partner they truly deserve.